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  1. #1
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    Default TTC and feeling pressured

    Hi
    I am brand new to this forum and I thought I would start from the beginning.
    Hubby and I have been married for 4 years and since this time we have had quite a difficult time with family issues, I became sick, financial problems ,etc.

    Over two years ago we started TTC and to date we have not had one "almost" at all. I have had all the usual tests and so has hubby but we are apparently "fine". There is nothing wrong with either of us which I know is really good but at the same time it isn't as we/Dr's have not idea what is going on. I have tried all the alternative therapies - Iridology, herbal medicine, acupunture, chinese medicine, naturopathy and believe it or not I went all organic too. We are on all the appropriate vitamins and take care of ourselves.

    So with all this and more we are now moving on to IVF with the advice of our FS.
    However, I am struggling with some issues. I don't want to take away from everyone else on these forums and the awful things they have had to go through to get a family but here goes..... My hubby is really good and tries his best but my mother and father are making me feel so pressured about giving them grandchildren. They make off the cuff comments like "hurry up and give us grandchildren" or "if you don't have the money for IVF we will pay for it" and many others. It is nice of them to offer financial assisstance but I feel it is for all the wrong reasons. My brother moved OS a few yrs ago and now he has kids but he has been going behind my back telling our parents that if I can't give them grandkids he will move back to Aust and he feels guilty for moving away because I have not given our parents grandkids. Pressure is all I here when they speak to me.

    Why are they making all MY TTC issues about them when in fact it affects me and hubby? I am not sure how to deal with all this and I wish that they would keep their opinions to themselves!!!

    All of this is making me feel like what Hubby and I wanted 2 yrs ago has now turned into something that everyone else wants. I feel like it is not for us anymore.

    Is this crazy?

    Sorry for the very long story.

    Please help with advice anyone where you can.

    Thankyou

  2. #2
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    Firstly, welcome to the forum! I'm sure you'll find lots if nice supportive people here.

    Wow, I cannot believe the pressure your family are putting you under! You poor sweetie! Don't they realize that stress can hinder your chances of conceiving?

    If it were me, I would have a very frank conversation with them, and tell them quite clearly that they need to back right off.

    They may not realize how their comments are affecting you.

    Conceiving is something that is just between you and your hubby. I'd perhaps stop all talk of IVF and conceiving in front of them. Change the subject when it comes up.

  3. #3
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    Hi loveydovey.
    Thank you for your kind words.
    I really like that idea of stopping all ivf and conception talk around them which I will do. I am concerned about offending them but I know I reakky should be looking after me first. It's difficult but I know I can't go on this way as our ivf cycle starts in 2 wks time. Maybe I should think of a way to say that this is something we do not want to discuss as it is very personal and between me and hubby and if we want to discuss we will otherwise back off. I might tell them to keep their other thoughts to themselves. Do you think that sounds fair?

    Thank you again for your help

  4. #4
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    That is absolutely fair!

    It seems they've made the whole thing about them ("when are you giving US grandkids") so it sounds like they could do with a gentle reminder that this is really just between you and hubby.

    I wish you lots of luck with your TTC

  5. #5
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    Excellent- I am going to talk to them.
    Thanks

    May I ask your story.?

  6. #6
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    Of course

    DP and I lived in another state when we were TTC, and we didn't tell anyone that we were trying for a baby. I think my Mum had given up on the idea of grandchildren. She used to always ask me and in the end I just said I didn't want kids and that stopped her asking

    We were so blessed and managed to conceive straight away so we flew down to Hobart to tell the family.

    Bubs is due in four weeks.

    It sounds to me like you've done everything you can in terms of looking at natural ways of increasing your chances of TTC. I gave my dp lots of zinc and fish oil the month we conceived, and I took magnesium and fish oil. I guess now you just need to eliminate the stress

  7. #7
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    Thanks.
    It nice to hear someone who actually has it go their way for a change.

    Congratulations on bubs being almost here. I bet you guys are excited.

    hope that it will be us soon. Heres hoping.

    Sent from my GT-I9000T using BubHub

  8. #8
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    Hi Wishing, I know it's slightly different for me, I have PCOS and have been having treatment, but we haven't told Hubby's family and tell mine very little. We used to get the same treatment from Hubby's family so a while back I told them we weren't planning on kids for a couple more years because we are renovating. I know it's fibbing but it buys us some more time, pressure free and we are renovating so it kinda worked in. We are ttc and it's a massive deal for us but we just don't mention it to them, our close friends know the deal and that's our support network.

    I know it may not work for you, but maybe think of something else that can buy you some time and privacy from the hassle.

    Best wishes.

  9. #9
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    Hi Tazturtle
    Thank you
    I am not sure what to do as I go back and fourth as to the best thing to say and when to say it. I was trying to be open and honest with my family and it's turning into to much for me to handle. For example: If I did say (which I have thought about) that hubby and I have decided to have a break and start IVF later on I would get the questions as to why the sudden change of heart. I tried hard to give them information about all the IVf stuff and what the FS are saying so they could perhaps understand better as to what is happening and I would feel supported by them not pressured. I really want to say back off but I am in my head to much making myself confused.

    I am sorry to hear about your PCOS and I hope things will work out for you real soon.

  10. #10
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    Hi
    So with the advice of loveydovey and tazturtle I had a chat with my mum about how they are making me feel. It was awful. She said all the right things about just wanting me to be happy and that if I can not have children it does not matter as long as I am healthy. I do not really feel much better I feel like an awful daughter for bringing it up.

    About my brother and his comments - I feel he has written me off as never going to give our parents grandkids (as my bro lives overseas, a very long way overseas) it is awful to feel like I should have kids so he doesn't feel so guilty for moving os because he does but that is his issues not mine, surely?

    Anyway enough complaining I hope things improve so hubby and I can concentrate on our first ivf cycle and not everyone else making us feel like failures.

    Sent from my GT-I9000T using BubHub


 

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