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  1. #51
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    How do you hide a goanna in a cherry tree?

    Paint it's toe nails red.

  2. #52
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    Quote Originally Posted by liss7 View Post

    Here's MIL's gem:

    What did the farmer say to the cow on the roof?
    Get down!
    Follow on:
    What did the farmer say to the dog and the cow on the roof?

    Dog - get that cow down

    And wait for it.....

    What did the farmer say to the cow on the roof wearing sunglasses?

    Nothing - He didn't recognise it!

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    Nmgb  (11-05-2012)

  4. #53
    BarefootedMumma's Avatar
    BarefootedMumma is offline Aiming to be in the top 10 busiest users one week.
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    How do you put a Giraffe in the fridge?

    Open the door and put it in.

    How do you put an elephant in the fridge?

    Open the door, take out the giraffe and put the elephant in.

    All the animals in the jungle have a meeting who's missing?

    The Elephant you put him in the fridge.

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    Nmgb  (11-05-2012)

  6. #54
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    How many balls of string will it take to reach the moon?...........

    Just the one if it is long enough.

    What do you call a theft in Peking?.....

    A Chinese takeaway

  7. #55
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    And a modern chicken one!

    Why did the chicken cross the Internet?
    To get to the other site!

  8. #56
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    Omg, I LOVE this thread, I just got in trouble for waking the OH up with my laughing mwahahaha.

    I have tons of lame ones...

    Q. How do you know it's raining cats and dogs?

    A. You step in a Poodle.


    The grasshopper walks into a bar, the barman says "Hey, we have a drink named after you." Grasshopper says "You have a drink named Bob?"

    Q. What time is it when an elephant is leaning on your fence?

    A. Time to get a new fence.


    Q. What kinda fur do you get from a tiger?

    A. As fur away as possible.

    Two men walked into a bar, it hurt.


    Q. Whats yellow and smells like banana?

    A. Monkey vomit.

    This next one is a bit of a long one...


    There was a little red man that lived in a little red house. While the little red man is taking a shower there is a knock on the front door. He opens the door, the person at the door runs away screaming and gets hit by a truck.

    Moral of the story? Never cross the road when the little red man is flashing!.



    I have a heap of others but I dont remember them
    Last edited by Keerah; 10-05-2012 at 19:56.

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    Misschief  (09-05-2012),Nmgb  (11-05-2012)

  10. #57
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    Quote Originally Posted by Keerah View Post
    There was a little red man that lived in a little red house. While the little red man is taking a shower there is a knock on the front door. He opens the door, the person at the door runs away screaming and gets hit by a truck.

    Moral of the story? Never cross the road when the little red man is flashing!.
    Love this one!!! Have copied and pasted into my notepad for future use

  11. #58
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    Another one I got told about 5 mins ago.

    Q. How do you carve wood?

    A. Wittle by wittle


    Q. How many psyciatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

    A. Just one, but the light buld have to WANT to change.
    Last edited by Keerah; 10-05-2012 at 17:25.

  12. #59
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    Sorry of this has already been said...

    A horse walked into a bar and the bartender asked, "Why the long face?"

  13. #60
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    Bwahahaha! making my night before bed!
    my dads girlsfriendsdad is the worst at these!
    one of the worst:
    what do you call the bird with no legs?
    "oohmydoodle" bird.

    pffft!


 

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