+ Reply to Thread
Page 5 of 5 FirstFirst ... 345
Results 41 to 50 of 50
  1. #41
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Posts
    10,407
    Thanks
    398
    Thanked
    723
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    At the 20 week scan my nephew had markers for downs syndrome but they couldn't confirm it at that point in the pregnancy. My SIL spent the next 20 weeks of her pregnancy reading up and preparing for the possibility of having a DS baby. He doesn't have DS but my SIL said she would do the test if she was to have any more because the stress and worry was awful. She said it was the not knowing that was the worst part of it all.
    I wouldn't go behind DH's back but I'd definitely be talking to him about it and trying to find a common ground.

  2. #42
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    2,491
    Thanks
    3,580
    Thanked
    838
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Eko View Post
    The problem is this. The OP has already said that she would want to terminate if she got a positive (or high risk) result.
    So what happens if the result is not what is wanted?

    .
    A positive result (ie the child has DS) is not the same as a high risk result (ie the child has a higher risk of DS). It would be difficult to access a termination of pregnancy based only on a high risk result.

    I do agree that the difficulty lies if the OP has the tests without letting her partner know, and the results come back high risk.

    I would hope that the OP would feel comfortable to tell her partner that she was going ahead with testing despite him not wanting her to have them, but acknowledge that that is not always possible.

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to Bubbles10 For This Useful Post:

    Misschief  (02-05-2012)

  4. #43
    Join Date
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    1,002
    Thanks
    268
    Thanked
    641
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Well yeah, if the result came back as positive for anything, that's the time you would have to fess up and have the talk with DH.

    But the chance of that happening is so slim, i'd still take the risk and go ahead.

    Each to their own though most definitely.

  5. #44
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Posts
    4,956
    Thanks
    666
    Thanked
    636
    Reviews
    7
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Benji View Post
    My GP talked me into having the test even though I was 100% sure that I wouldn't terminate based on the results.

    She told me that having the test isn't just so you can terminate the pregnancy if it's positive as a lot of people think, but it's also so you can prepare and educate yourself before your baby is born for the reality of raising a DS child. I imagine it would be more of a shock birthing a baby you didn't know had DS as opposed to being prepared for giving birth to a baby with DS. It gives you time to come to terms with it.
    Yes I got told the same thing by the OB. If it is positive, you have time to educate yourself and do research on how to cope with a newborn who has DS.

    Quote Originally Posted by GothChick View Post
    I may get slammed for this, but if it were me personally, I would have the test done behind my DH's back, for my peace of mind.

    It isn't fair for him to make that decision for you, and it isn't far for you to try and persuade him into being okay with it.

    There is HUGE possibility that everything will be fine, you will have put your mind at ease and he will be none the wiser having no knowledge of you taking the test.


    For me, that is what I would do.
    THIS is exactly what popped up in my head when reading OP's post! I too would do it behind his back. Pay for it out of your own bank account or ask to borrow money from someone somehow. If they do the combined bloodtest and scan, get them to send the blood results to a different address too.

  6. #45
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    in a wormhole
    Posts
    2,769
    Thanks
    4,600
    Thanked
    2,802
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    It really woudn't sit well with me that my partner was saying, 'no, you can't have a test done concerning your pregnancy even though you want it.' Yes, its his baby too, but I would feel unsettled at beng told I wasn't allowed to have tests done. That feels like it crosses the boundaries of bodily autonomy.

    Decisions concerning the babies welfare should ideally be joint ones ie termination decisions. That's where it gets very tricky...

    But medical tests.... I would be offended and see a red flag go up if my partner told me what I could and could not do with my body.

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to MissMuppet For This Useful Post:

    Stiflers Mom  (08-05-2012)

  8. #46
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Location
    Wollongong
    Posts
    657
    Thanks
    151
    Thanked
    173
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by MissMuppet View Post
    It really woudn't sit well with me that my partner was saying, 'no, you can't have a test done concerning your pregnancy even though you want it.' Yes, its his baby too, but I would feel unsettled at beng told I wasn't allowed to have tests done. That feels like it crosses the boundaries of bodily autonomy.

    Decisions concerning the babies welfare should ideally be joint ones ie termination decisions. That's where it gets very tricky...

    But medical tests.... I would be offended and see a red flag go up if my partner told me what I could and could not do with my body.
    Exactly my thoughts! I'm sorry but NO ONE tells me what I can and cant do with my own body! Yes he's your DP and in this situation, why would he be refusing to 'let' you get a test done if it made you (the woman he apparently loves enough to make children with) feel relaxed and at ease for the next 20-30 something weeks?

    I have a child with autism, ODD and ADHD and is delayed mentally. He requires constant supervision and he is in the IO unit of his school (high needs special ed for those not familiar with the IO term) without any prospect of ever leaving it. There is no test for that. And I would not have terminated even in the event of knowing in advance. But dont get me wrong, I fully 100% understand and sympathize with those who dont go ahead with a 'special' pregnancy. Any parent of the child who has a disability no matter how high on the scale it may be will tell you every day is different. Coping one day and wanting to cry over spilled milk (literally) is how we 90% of us get around our days. Even those with prior 'warning' that have educated themselves struggle with the reality sometimes.

    In the end, my honest opinion is anyone who would put you in a situation like OP is in is in need a reality check and I would certainly be questioning his motivations for such behavior if he cared so much about you. No, I would NOT go behind his back and get the NT done, I would put my size 8's down and tell him...then i would go get it done regardless of his reaction...although if his reaction was negative/unsupportive it would probably give me reason to question our relationship! If it is the amino your referring to...educate yourself before making the choice to have that test done, there are significant risks from what I've heard and just to put your mind at ease is not a good enough excuse to have it done without prior indication there is a chance your baby is positive for some sort of issue TBH.

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to pinkplease3 For This Useful Post:

    Misschief  (02-05-2012)

  10. #47
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Posts
    374
    Thanks
    11
    Thanked
    137
    Reviews
    0
    This is really tricky because if you get the test and it comes up high risk you would need an amnio to confirm anything anyway so you need to decide if you would do that. My SIL had a high risk, decided not to do the amnio and then stressed the entire pregnancy which turned out to be normal. On the other hand my other SIL had the test done late because she was in the process of moving interstate and the test came out low but she had a baby with DS. She would not have terminated so she was not too worried about the test but it was a big shock when the baby was born. This is her fifth baby and she has never had a high result before. For me, I had the test and will have it again next pregnancy, I am 35.

  11. The Following User Says Thank You to Bin13 For This Useful Post:

    Misschief  (09-07-2012)

  12. #48
    harvs's Avatar
    harvs is offline Winner 2014 - Spirit of BubHub Award
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    9,997
    Thanks
    6,239
    Thanked
    15,894
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 9/4/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 2/4/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 19/3/15Busiest Member of the Week200 Posts in a week
    It seems to me that there are two separate issues here: the nuchal scan, and the actions to be taken if the results are not good. As far as the scan goes, like most others have indicated, I believe it's your body and therefore your right/your choice and yours only. My first thought was to do it anyway, but if he is reasonable, maybe he would be ok with the scan as long as he felt that you would engage in discussions with what to do next if there were a problem.

    IMO, the decision to terminate/not terminate is one to be shared and discussed between you and your husband. Would it work to make the difference between the two issues explicit with your husband? If he understood the range of things a nuchal scan can detect (and the 20wk morphology scan for that matter), maybe the two you could be open to 'crossing that bridge' if necessary. That way, you are both giving a little.

  13. #49
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Posts
    825
    Thanks
    126
    Thanked
    154
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I wouldn't go behind dh back either, huge can of worms to be opened if results came back high risk.

    I would suggest some sort of counseling maybe by your ob or gp, and also get to the bottom of why he doesn't want to get it done.
    Last edited by baby4us; 09-07-2012 at 23:28.

  14. #50
    Join Date
    Nov 2014
    Posts
    156
    Thanks
    115
    Thanked
    64
    Reviews
    9
    Quote Originally Posted by sweetseven View Post
    It is your body so when it comes down to it, it is your decision. It sounds to me like you should get the test.

    I was in the opposite situation to you, and for me it is preferable not to get a test. With DD6, I didn't get any tests but her father (she was his first child) said he was worried the whole time that something might be wrong and he wouldn't have time to prepare for it. (We were both in agreement that we wouldn't terminate, but he felt that he would like to know of a problem ahead of time so he could prepare.) So, with DD7 I agreed to the morphology test to put his mind at ease. Unfortunately, it yielded a minor abberation that indicated increased risk of genetic disorders. A growth & development scan a month later yielded positive (normal) results, but that still did not put my mind at ease. I spent the rest of the pregnancy fretting about these possible risks even though I knew the chances were tiny. So for me, it is best not to test. However everyone is different, and it sounds like for you it is best to test.
    This is similar to what happened to me with DD4. My blood test came back very high for t18. I did not want to get an amino as I am needle phobic. I spent the entire pregnancy so stressed out that I had to get professional help.

    I would never get the test again and wished I never did in the first place becauseof how stressed and depressed it made me. My DH said (when trying to make me feel better) at the end of the day the odds are 50/50 our baby either has it or doesn't.

    My baby was born perfect and turned one yesterday. When the specialist paediatric dr was examining her in the hospital I was talking about the initial tests and odd with her and she said rather flippantly said that they were just risk factors not diagnostics.

    Even though its your partners baby too it is your body so you you have to do what you think is going to be best for you. Good luck.


 

Similar Threads

  1. Testing for chromosomal abnormalities - Down syndrome etc
    By ChangedMyMind in forum Pregnancy Tests & Help / Support with Results
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 08-01-2013, 22:43
  2. Pre-natal testing for things like Down syndrome
    By ChangedMyMind in forum Pregnancy & Birth General Chat
    Replies: 5
    Last Post: 31-07-2012, 23:50
  3. First Trimester Downs Syndrome Testing
    By kiki in forum Pregnancy Tests & Help / Support with Results
    Replies: 41
    Last Post: 28-02-2012, 05:18

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Bamboo Lulu
Unique, non-toxic wooden eco toys for babies. Water-based paints, saliva-resistant & baby safe. Super soft, prints & basics for baby, made from bamboo & organic cotton. Hypoallergenic - great for eczema relief. FREE gift with purchase. Code BUBHUB
sales & new stuffsee all
True Fairies
True Fairies is the first interactive website where children can engage and speak with a real fairy through the unique webcam fairy portal. Each session is tailored to the child, and is filled with enchantment and magic.
Visit website to find out more!
featured supporter
Heinz Baby Basics
Our BPA Free range offers you a choice for every stage of your baby’s feeding development. You’ll love our brilliant colours, inspired designs and innovative features. Heinz Baby Basics caters for your baby’s needs!
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!