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  1. #1
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    Default down syndrome testing - dh says NO.

    Hi, was not sure where to post this. Before i start, i do not mean to offend anyone in any way. This is a personal expression of my feelings and by no means, supposed to offend.

    I have made the decision i would like to have the down syndrome test done. Dh and i are in the very low range and have no relations with Down syndrome.
    We did not get it done with DD. Yet i secretly spent pretty much the whole entire pregnancy worrying hoping she would be 'normal'. I hated that lingering thought in the back of my mind and i actually regretted not taking the test when we were ofered it.

    I spoke to DH and i said this time i want it done. He bluntly said NO. He would NEVER terminate a pregnancy because of down syndrome. ( Yes, i would terminate if positive ds) He thinks we will find ways to cope as we always seem to be able to do.
    I told him i really, really struggled with DD as a newborn and that was without ds. I just couldnt do it with a baby with ds. As bad as that sounds.
    Its a selfish decision on my behalf, dh told me that.

    Please, is there anyone else in my position?
    I cant talk DH into letting me do the down syndrome test. We both have very different opinions on the issue.
    What do i do? time is ticking.

  2. #2
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    It's a tough situation.... We didn't have the blood test but the OB was able to tell us a rough ratio from the ultrasound and Nucal (sp?) measurement. Could you do a meet halfway kinda thing?

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    God thats hard babe.

    I would get the test if I was in your position, as it caused you so much stress last time.

    xoxo big hugs.

    My little nephew is down syndrome and they didnt know. She says she would have coped better had she been prepared, she went into shock after he was born.

    Now he is 1 so its all good...

    But I guess in some ways, if you feel so different to your DH, then finding out give you longer to make your decision.

    xox

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    My GP talked me into having the test even though I was 100% sure that I wouldn't terminate based on the results.

    She told me that having the test isn't just so you can terminate the pregnancy if it's positive as a lot of people think, but it's also so you can prepare and educate yourself before your baby is born for the reality of raising a DS child. I imagine it would be more of a shock birthing a baby you didn't know had DS as opposed to being prepared for giving birth to a baby with DS. It gives you time to come to terms with it.

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    MMelissa  (01-05-2012)

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    I may get slammed for this, but if it were me personally, I would have the test done behind my DH's back, for my peace of mind.

    It isn't fair for him to make that decision for you, and it isn't far for you to try and persuade him into being okay with it.

    There is HUGE possibility that everything will be fine, you will have put your mind at ease and he will be none the wiser having no knowledge of you taking the test.


    For me, that is what I would do.

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    Bonkers  (01-05-2012),MissMuppet  (02-05-2012),Sally1981  (01-05-2012),zoz  (02-05-2012)

  8. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by GothChick View Post
    I may get slammed for this, but if it were me personally, I would have the test done behind my DH's back, for my peace of mind.

    It isn't fair for him to make that decision for you, and it isn't far for you to try and persuade him into being okay with it.

    There is HUGE possibility that everything will be fine, you will have put your mind at ease and he will be none the wiser having no knowledge of you taking the test.


    For me, that is what I would do.
    I actually agree with this. It's not only his decision to make, yet his lack of willingness to compromise leaves you with limited options. These things can affect your health in many
    ways. Stressing throughout a pregnancy is not good for mother or child.
    As other pps have mentioned too, finding out can be important for many reasons including preparedness when a child is born, maybe you need to discuss this with your DH and perhaps take him with you to discuss further with your doctors.

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    Bonkers  (01-05-2012)

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    While I don't get any scans other than the morph, it's your body and you are the one who has to carry the baby, and probably bear a lot of responsible for its care when born (unless your partner will be a SAHD). Accordingly, you should just get the test if you want.

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    Bubbles10  (02-05-2012)

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    Quote Originally Posted by GothChick View Post
    I may get slammed for this, but if it were me personally, I would have the test done behind my DH's back, for my peace of mind.

    It isn't fair for him to make that decision for you, and it isn't far for you to try and persuade him into being okay with it.

    There is HUGE possibility that everything will be fine, you will have put your mind at ease and he will be none the wiser having no knowledge of you taking the test.


    For me, that is what I would do.
    Yep I agree with all of this.

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    I would just get the test done too if it is worrying you so much.

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    It is your body so when it comes down to it, it is your decision. It sounds to me like you should get the test.

    I was in the opposite situation to you, and for me it is preferable not to get a test. With DD6, I didn't get any tests but her father (she was his first child) said he was worried the whole time that something might be wrong and he wouldn't have time to prepare for it. (We were both in agreement that we wouldn't terminate, but he felt that he would like to know of a problem ahead of time so he could prepare.) So, with DD7 I agreed to the morphology test to put his mind at ease. Unfortunately, it yielded a minor abberation that indicated increased risk of genetic disorders. A growth & development scan a month later yielded positive (normal) results, but that still did not put my mind at ease. I spent the rest of the pregnancy fretting about these possible risks even though I knew the chances were tiny. So for me, it is best not to test. However everyone is different, and it sounds like for you it is best to test.
    Last edited by sweetseven; 01-05-2012 at 13:11.


 

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