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  1. #1
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    Default Help - is this normal?

    I have an issue thats getting me down :-(

    Ex-DP has DD 7 nights a fortnight. Wed - Sat nights one week.then Wed - Sun nights the next.

    My problem is that when I have DD (today especially) I feel like she's not mine. I feel like a babysitter or nanny or something, I feel like our bond is being hurt by whats going on. I feel so bad

    It doesn't help that today my muscles are so sore I can hardly walk, or that DD was up a lot last night so I'm probably sleep deprived and cranky but is this normal?

    Today especially I have found myself more cranky than happy. More frustrated than normal when she ignores me.

    I have/have had (not on medication but still seeing a psych) depression and anxiety. Please someone tell me I don't need to go to Drs again and get more medication, etc.

    I think my concern about it is making my stress about it worse too.

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  2. #2
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    How old is your DD? 7 days a fortnight sounds a lot to me, especially if it's affecting your relationship/bond with her.
    Could you maybe set up some special activities that just you and her could do together?

  3. #3
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    She'll be 2 in July. Ex wanted 50/50 and I couldn't see any reason why not. She loves him and hes a good dad. We also wanted to get into a routine that we can keep until she's in school.

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    That does seem a lot. The way you've worded it sounds like hehl has her 9 nights a fortnight?

    It's great you're allowing 50/50 but that could be contributing to your feelings. Are things civil with XDP? Could the 3 of you hang out together some nights a week? That way neither of you are missing time with her x

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    Things are very civil which is good. He gets 3 nights one week and 4 the next. I might make that suggestion to him, it may well help.

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    I don't know whether it'd work for you, but I know someone who was in a similar situation (with an older child) and found that increased communication really helped. She and her ex started writing daily emails on what their daughter had been up to...so it could be mostly about when she ate, if she napped etc. They found though that it was really useful to hear all the little things like that she refused a particular food, got upset about some particular thing, said she wanted to do X for her birthday etc.
    Helped them both to feel more involved, and it made it easier to spot any behavioural issues that they could address together.
    Last edited by Renn; 30-04-2012 at 11:28.

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    PorkyPies  (30-04-2012)

  8. #7
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    We have DH's two children from his previous relationship 50/50 and have found that the first night can sometimes be a bit strenous as it's the swap of going from one home to another and one set of rules to another. Sometimes it's hard, sometimes it's not. They are established in a routine, it's just sometimes they could possibly have a crappy day before they come over and then we end up with the attitude and I'm sure sometimes it happens the other way around also. I look at it that it's not the 50/50 of having them, it's just kids being kids because it can happen even if one parent has them less, eg one weekend a fortnight.


 

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