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  1. #31
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    I agree and people need to be considerate of everyone's different personality's and their history like weather or not they have had complications or lost a baby in a past pregnancy, being over 12 weeks does not mean you are in the 'safe' zone it just means the greater risk of miscarriage has passed according to statistics, even if this is not the reason for keeping it quiet people deserve mutual respect for one another. On another note women don't always show as early as others. I am in my 23rd week and I am still only slightly showing.

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    Fluffbum  (27-04-2012)

  3. #32
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    People love to share news good or bad. Life is so humdrum a lot of the time a pregnancy makes a nice and special thing to talk about.
    However, you said that you've only told those you are close to and and you've also told them you are not being open with this news.
    Therefore someone has seriously let you down and I'd question if this person or people are worthy of the 'close friend' status.

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    Fluffbum  (27-04-2012)

  5. #33
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    I get about private people...My mum's a private person but what's so private about having a baby? I mean it's not like it's hidden, people can see that you're pregnant...then when you actually have the baby then people are going to see that too, do private people even tell people when they even have a baby? Or do they just turn up at functions and there's this random kid running around and everyone's wondering who it belongs to...."Oh you were pregnant and you had a baby and now the baby is 5 years old? Congratulations!! Oh don't tell anyone? Oh ok then"

    Yeh I respect people's privacy and all that I don't tell if someone asks me not to....but I don't understand what the big secret is. It's not like you had a boob job and you're embarrassed and don't want people to know.... I dunno, it just seems 'odd' to me. My mum is a private person but she wasn't THAT private...pregnancy, to her, was a whole other kettle of fish - it was good news that she wanted to share not something to cover up like it's shameful.

    But yeh I respect....I just don't understand. Probably never will.

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    LoveHeart  (27-04-2012)

  7. #34
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    Not everyone can get excited during their pregnancies and so the pressure of other people knowing and commenting can be too much. We didn't tell anyone until after 18 weeks, definitely no fb announcement. We lost our first at 24 weeks and this time around has been very difficult. You never know what someone has been through, what they are feeling or how they are coping with their pregnancy, never make assumptions. The woman who is pregnant is the most important person to consider and other people should suck it up and respect her wishes because it's not about them. I'd be furious if I was op.

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    Fluffbum  (27-04-2012)

  9. #35
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    I do suck it up. I can be respectful without understanding can't I? And with the people I know who have done this I HAVE known what they'd gone through which made me even more puzzled but I still kept my mouth shut anyway.

    I only know one who didn't tell people because of a loss (late loss) and I completely understood...but the others, some had an early miscarriage and others hadn't had any. It's almost like they were ashamed or something...very strange! Although we do live in a very 'anti-child' society these days where if you announce you're pregnant AGAIN...you get all the tv comments and what not like it's something to be ashamed of or something you have to explain....so yeh I guess I understand that part. But I'm the type to put people in their place when they say crap like that so it never bothered me.

  10. #36
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    I agree with OP. It's your personal news and only your news to tell. When else in life do you get this oportunity? only to have other ramdoms who you havent seen in god knows how long, spread the word when you havent even personally told them!
    Heck yes its freaking exciting news! and OP i assume you have told close family and friends who you choose to tell. That's all that matters! It's your business and no one elses to share on your behalf!
    People who get narky because they didnt find out from you, tell them to get stuffed and dont ruin your happy time.
    Personally i will be disappearing off facebook while we make our announcements.

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  12. #37
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    I completely empathise with you getting upset at overly-excited people sharing your news without permission. This is my first pregnancy (unplanned) and I found out about it when I went to the only hospital in my small town for what I thought was gallstone pain. I happen to work at this hospital and certain gossipy staff noticed my pathology results & clinical notes and thought it was okay / appropriate to tell the entire department I work for that I was pregnant. I came into work the following week and was confronted by management asking why they had to hear about my news from others & why I hadn't discussed it sooner with them so they could start organising replacements, etc. I had people coming up to me and congratulating me before I'd even had the chance to process the news properly. I hadn't even told my sisters or close friends yet! I was so upset and when I asked these girls why they thought it was okay to tell people without talking to me first, their reason was that they were just so super excited for me and how could I be upset about that - wtf! Sometimes I can't believe how thoughtless people are with their gossip - what if I wasn't going to keep going with the pregnancy? What if I had miscarried and didn't want to deal with everyone asking me about it?

    I don't care if gossip is prevalent and there isn't anything we can do about it - we are hopefully all thoughtful and educated women and can understand that sharing big news like this before asking if it's okay just isn't appropriate and can have effects you wouldn't have even thought about (job issues, upset friends and family, etc)
    Last edited by kaitlynk; 27-04-2012 at 12:44.

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  14. #38
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    i think people have forgotten what life was like before facebook etc...we could have a private life and there was no need to "announce stuff".

    When I was pregnant with my son...no one knew except those i spoke to regularly (shock horror) and life proceeded as normal.

    People now expect to know every damn thing about us...instantly...and think they can share what ever they like when ever they like....i do wonder if life will go full circle and we can once again go on with our daily lives without knowing every minute detail of others lives and with out them knowing ours.

    hugs OP (and others), share your news carefully and hopefully those around you will be a bit more respectful!

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    Fluffbum  (27-04-2012)

  16. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by Deserama View Post
    Gosh people are funny about pregnancies these days. Yeh it's your right and all that but after 12 weeks, I would have thought you'd be over the moon to tell people. Obviously people are private but pregnancy isn't exactly a private affair!!! LOL

    Everyone knew with me when I hit about 16 weeks onwards...no one had to say a word - there it is for all the world to see. No use being all precious about it LOL
    After a close family friends still birth at 39wks I am definitely precious about it.

  17. #40
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    I understand where you are coming from OP. I specifically told my parents not to tell anyone until my 12 week scan.... i phoned them the next night for mum's birthday and they had friends there who they had told! i was so annoyed....
    Then just before my 12 week scan and results app they were flying over here for xmas and mum put on FB how she was excited to see her kids, her grandies and the bump... people asked what bump, someone who dad had told said j's bump so then i was getting congratulations on my fb page! when i hadn't even announced it! mum couldn't understand why i was so upset about it! she said that people were bound to find out and it's good news!! Yes it was good news and yes we were excited about it, but it was our news to announce in our own way! i hadn't planned on putting it on FB till xmas day i had a big announcement photo planned and everything and that was taken away from me. I have definately learned that next time i will keep it to just DH and myself until 12 weeks so no one can announce it without our knowledge! they have been gagged though about the name! i've told them in no uncertain terms that if they put the name on FB before i have him, i won't speak to them.

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