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  1. #1
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    Default Do your kids talk openly about being from a split/single parent family?

    This term at school DD's prep class is doing timelines of their lives. Over the holidays we had to write a sentence/event for each year of their lives that they could then turn into a timeline type thing at school.

    DD wanted to write for "When I was 3" - "Mummy and Daddy lived together". I nearly said no, don't write that, write something else.. but then I thought perhaps it's wrong to teach her that being from a split family is something that you should hide or not talk about, or downplay the significance she feels about it.

    So I wrote it down, but wondered if the teacher/other kids are going to think it's an inappropriate thing to write? She's not the only kid from a single parent family in the class, so I don't think she'll ever feel like she is different or anything, I'm just not sure whether I should teach her that there are more appropriate times to talk about these things... or whether I should encourage her to be as open as she likes about it.

    Thoughts? Experiences?

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    London is offline “I think we're losing our sense of humor instead of being able to relax and laugh at ourselves" - Betty White
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    Encourage her to be as open as she likes. It is a part of who she is and where she comes from. Telling her not to talk about it is like saying there is something wrong with it or it is something she should hide..which are both not true.

    My DS was only 1 when me and FOB split but we explained it to him truthfully when he was 3. He asked why his mummy and daddy dont live together and I explained that when we were together we would fight alot, so we think its better if we are just friends because we dont fight. Simple, true and DS accepted it easily. DP has been in DS life from just before DS turned 2, so DS has always known him to be a part of his life, but was still cluey enough to know that me and FOB are his real parents and DP came along later.

    These days its normal for kids to come from families that are separated, so its really not something they should hide or not talk about. Hope that helps

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    DD1 told her pre-school class for news one day that she has 2 daddies, then went on to explain that she only has one mummy but her first daddy didnt want to live with us anymore so went to live with XYZ instead so we got another daddy!
    omg i was so embarressed when her teacher told me what she'd said but the teacher said she seemed quite comfortable in her knowledge of the situation

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    I would let her write it.

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    I would let her write it too. Nowadays its so common that people wouldn't think twice about it. DS1 doesn't even remember a time when his dad and I were together and having 2 dads is all he remembers

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    I would let her write it - DD is very proud of her daddy and will tell anyone who listens that daddy lives in adelaide, and introduces DP as her stepdaddy.. She loves them both and in our family its normal, and i encourage her to be open and ok about it

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    I think you made the right decision! It obviously is important to her and yes I agree she should be allowed to be as open as she likes about it. Not allowing her to put it down on her timeline would be sending her the message that having a split family is something to be ashamed about or isn't normal. But it's very common these days and nothing unusual

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    I think you did well to let her do it.

    I let DD talk about her father as much as she wants. She hardly talks about him at all these days, but he was a part of her life for a brief moment and I'm not going to erase him just because he's chosen to no longer be in her life. I don't want her to feel guilty about remembering he existed.

    Having your parents break up is nothing you need to be ashamed of... or keep on the hush-hush. It's part of many children's reality, and it's got nothing to do with them, so they shouldn't be made to feel badly about it, or like it's a dirty little secret.

    It was probably a big event in her life, so I think it's more than appropriate for a timeline. I don't think the teacher will find it inappropriate.

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    Thanks everyone, I'm glad you all think that way, the last thing I want is for her to feel like her family situation is a bad thing.

    So my next question - when the school mums say something to me about "your husband" do I correct them and say "oh I don't have a husband" or "oh no, we're not together" or just let it slide and figure they'll catch on eventually?

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    Quote Originally Posted by shelle65 View Post
    Thanks everyone, I'm glad you all think that way, the last thing I want is for her to feel like her family situation is a bad thing.

    So my next question - when the school mums say something to me about "your husband" do I correct them and say "oh I don't have a husband" or "oh no, we're not together" or just let it slide and figure they'll catch on eventually?
    I told them I don't have one, but sort of laughed and they said I was one of the smart ones lol. In dd's class, only 1 other has separated parents but they only split recently and both very involved with the kids. Another started prep without a dad, but he xame back after 2 years and now they just moved in together but got back together a while ago. So very much in the minority, but no point misleading.


 

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