Tales of "moving on" from ttc (but ending up with a bub!)

**bada** · 29-04-2012 09:21

My Brother and SIL have been trying for nearly fiver years now. Two years ago they decided they needed to destress and focus on something else, so quit their jobs and moved overseas. They've traveled a lot and are living it up, but still no baby.

A friend married at 20 and tried for years before accepting they weren't going to have children, never changed anything in their lives but then surprisingly fell pregnant at 30, had a healthy baby boy but then found herself divorced at 31.

Who knows why any of it happens the way it does, life just isn't fair to everyone I suppose.

**Keerah** · 08-05-2012 20:00

I know we havent been trying for long, but I just wanted to add my thoughts.

I am now 32, I have my profession, but i know that profession isnt going to take me into retirement, my body will give way before I hit retirement age. With the miscarriage in the last month I have had to sit back and put things into perspective again. At the same time that my OH told me that she did not want to try to carry again and that I would be carrying (which I have always wanted but when we started we would have been better off for her to carry) I have had an oppertunity open up to train in Vet Nursing, something I have wanted to do since I was a kid.

I had to step back for a bit and look at what I really want, it turns out i want both those things, but I am not going to put my dreams on hold just because we are trying for a baby, we dont know if or when it is going to happen. All we can do is move forward will our lives and take what it gives us. I would be so overjoyed to have a baby, but there is no certainty.

I also trust that if it is ment to be then it will happen when it is supposed to (which is a tough philosophy given we are lesbians and have to source sperm) But if we dont have kids I will still be happy. I will always know deep down that we have tried the best we can with what we have and be at peace with that.

**ABigDeepBreath** · 31-05-2012 07:35

I just thought I would update you all.. Due to start phd in a few weeks and... hey presto... BFP! I lost my last/first pregnancy at 12wks, so I am going to continue with the phd plan and work around this of all goes well with the pregnancy. So 'moving on but not' appears to have worked in my case.

**ABigDeepBreath** · 31-05-2012 07:42

Keerah, I can totally relate to your situation. Even now that I have an early BFP, there is no certainty. In fact, i'm feeling very cautious and not overly excited just yet. I'm not going to pass up this opportunity. It's a real shift in thinking that I've had to make, as I had really set my life up to be baby friendly and was itching to be a SAHM... But planning around baby is obviously not something I am meant to do.

We absolutely must help ourselves dream and aspire for goals other than children if we are to stay sane through this, as well as cope if it's not meant to be. I'm so acutely aware of this now. In the meantime, I hope more 'moving on' babies appear around here.

**drewid** · 31-05-2012 07:46

I had all but given up. I'd spent 5 1/2 years since DS waiting and hoping and doing everything to have a 2nd child, and had gotten to a place of acceptance, and had started thinking about a career and study and what I would do now. I had done a lot of soul searching and just accepted that another child wasn't to be. I applied for a job, and was getting excited about the prospect. Two weeks later, BFP.

Sometimes the world does work in mysterious ways.

**Rachael3** · 01-06-2012 20:21

Unfortunately I had to give up my career to TTC. We have been trying for 2 years including 1 year of IVF. It became too stressful coping with both especially with work interstate travel. We have been trying naturally with 1 stim cycle since I left work but still no luck. I would love to go back and study but not working and the cost of IVF makes it hard to fund the cost to do course.

Congrats ABigDeepBreath, hope all goes well.

**Buttoneska** · 01-06-2012 20:31

yep!! this happened to me and DH

I fell pregnant by accident and had a miscarriage at 9wks. about 8 or 10mth later we decided we would ttc and I thought I would get pregnant pretty quick.

23 months ttc, i had tried everything short of medical intervention: SMEP, tracking my cycle, using preseed, not using preseed, begging, praying, crying, putting my life on hold

the last 4mths of ttc really took a toll on me and I realised I had to find some sort of happiness and plan a life without kids.

the first month we actively tried NOT to concieve, we dtd on CD10 (6days before my preiod tracker said I would O) and didn't do it again for the rest of my cycle because we didnt want to get pregnant.

we joked that i was prob pregnant and a couple of week later - yep BFP.

**Little-Pink-Hen** · 01-06-2012 21:51

We TTC for 6 years. I had bring dx with PCOS but it was being controlled by weight loss. We had done a year of clomid and another year of iui which ended in five fail attempts.
I was obsessed I couldn't thinking anything else but the baby to come my life was permanently suspended waiting for baby to show up. I couldn't and wouldn't choose to do certain things or commit to long term stuff just incase I fell pregnant

Than we discovered I had cancer and needed chemo. I had to face the reality that I may not have children, and shift my thinking from getting pregnant too fighting cancer and living. I was forced to stop TTC and to even used contraception for the first time in 6 years so I could protect chemo being passed to dh like an std

7 months later I finished chemo. Two after that I got a remission status and permission to stop using contraception when dtd. We planed to go back to my fs in the new year four months away. Two cycles later I was pregnant. Dd turns 3 in August.

My 2nd pregnancy was similar. We spent 8 months TTC. My emotions from pervious TTC were still raw and 8 moths felt like 5 years. Than I was dx with an auto immune disorder and I thought I probably wouldn't have another bub and just have dd. I needed a pet scan and bone marrow aspiration four days later I got a BFP. (that was an angle bub) five months later I got our BFP for newbie she will arrive in a few weeks

**ABigDeepBreath** · 02-06-2012 16:02

Originally Posted by drewid

I had all but given up. I'd spent 5 1/2 years since DS waiting and hoping and doing everything to have a 2nd child, and had gotten to a place of acceptance, and had started thinking about a career and study and what I would do now. I had done a lot of soul searching and just accepted that another child wasn't to be. I applied for a job, and was getting excited about the prospect. Two weeks later, BFP.

Sometimes the world does work in mysterious ways.

It certainly does!

**ABigDeepBreath** · 02-06-2012 16:08

Originally Posted by Rachael3

Unfortunately I had to give up my career to TTC. We have been trying for 2 years including 1 year of IVF. It became too stressful coping with both especially with work interstate travel. We have been trying naturally with 1 stim cycle since I left work but still no luck. I would love to go back and study but not working and the cost of IVF makes it hard to fund the cost to do course.

Congrats ABigDeepBreath, hope all goes well.

So did you stop work altogether? I found it hard when I had made lifestyle/job changes to reduce stress, only to still be childless 18 mths later. And i didn't even have to go through ivf. I can't imagine if I wasn't working at all - my mental health would be a mess! It would possibly make me more stressed. I guess we are all different in how we cope with this. I hope your bub comes to meet you soon!