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  1. #1
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    Default It's what I wanted but it still hurts

    Hi there, old member, new profile.

    I have just broken up with my partner of over 9 years, and while it was my choice and my doing, I can't help but feel like maybe I made the wrong decision.

    I guess it is just the fear of the unknown, fear of the logistics and how things are going to turn out.

    Things haven't been great between us for a long time, and I have only realised how toxic our relationship is, and how unhappy I am trying to make things work. Not to mention our daughter being caught up in the arguments and negativity.

    I love and care about him, and hate to see him upset, which is why I've stuck with things for so long, but I can tell he is hurting and I want to make it better for him, but the only way to do that is to sacrifice my happiness.

    Right now I am finding it hard to remember the bad things and am picturing the future we'd planned, but I know it's futile.

    In the back of my mind I am thinking that maybe this is the wake up call he needs, but I honestly don't see him changing- I mean he hasn't so far?

  2. #2
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    Be strong. Give yourself a time frame of life apart before you reassess, wait for the feelings to settle so you can evaluate your choices.

    You're in my thoughts.

  3. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to BlissedOut For This Useful Post:

    FindMyLunch  (21-04-2012),Stiflers Mom  (21-04-2012)

  4. #3
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    You are right, you can't sacrifice yourself for someone else's happiness. It sound like for a while you gave it all and you were left unhappy. Now is your chance to really discover you without him and it's going to hurt and be difficult but you know that will end. If you stayed and continued that relationship path it may never have ended.

    I hope things can improve for you and you have the life that makes you happy for you and your dd.

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    FindMyLunch  (21-04-2012)

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    Quote Originally Posted by BlissedOut View Post
    Be strong. Give yourself a time frame of life apart before you reassess, wait for the feelings to settle so you can evaluate your choices.

    You're in my thoughts.
    I thought exactly the same thing when I read your post. It's always hard at the start but you need to take some time out for you. Right now your feeling guilt but you have to worry about yourself and dd right now and what is right for you and your future happiness. You can't stay with him if it's not what you want just so he he isn't hurting if that makes sense? And who knows.... Maybe it is the wake up call he needs.

    Huge hugs for you... It's never an easy thing

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    FindMyLunch  (21-04-2012),Stiflers Mom  (21-04-2012)

  10. #6
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    Thanks very much guys. I spoke to him on the phone just now, he left after DD was in bed last night, so we both agreed she should talk to him this morning.

    Telling him to leave was actually something I did a few times, but when I saw how hurt he was I'd always take it back, but things would get better for a little while and then go back to being terrible.

    When I told DD that dad slept at her uncles place, her first reaction was "yay, dad won't get cranky if we wake him up"- Just goes to show how things have been here

  11. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by FindMyLunch View Post
    Thanks very much guys. I spoke to him on the phone just now, he left after DD was in bed last night, so we both agreed she should talk to him this morning.

    Telling him to leave was actually something I did a few times, but when I saw how hurt he was I'd always take it back, but things would get better for a little while and then go back to being terrible.

    When I told DD that dad slept at her uncles place, her first reaction was "yay, dad won't get cranky if we wake him up"- Just goes to show how things have been here
    Aw, bless her. It's really hard in the first little while, and things will just be so tough - you second guess yourself, wonder if you did the right thing, come up with all sorts of what ifs. But it DOES get better, you'll start to feel less numb and be able to appreciate your own strength for being able to make such a tough decision.

    & best of luck to you.

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    FindMyLunch  (21-04-2012)

  13. #8
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    Last night as he was packing, he made me change my relationship status on fb, and now I've got all these friends and family members offering hugs and stuff, and I just want to hide in a hole....

    Yet his status is still set as engaged. I guess to make me look like the bad guy?

    He just sent me a message "What are we going to do (insert pet name here)"
    I don't want him to call me by that name, I need to be strong, I can't go through this heartache again

  14. #9
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    Too late now, but you should've just changed your privacy to not display relationship status.

    At least they know though and you've been offered a lot of support, both practical and emotional. Take it, you'll need it.

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    FindMyLunch  (21-04-2012)

  16. #10
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    Make sure you pop over to the single mums thread; it's been a bit quiet lately but you don't have to post anything. You can just have a read; there is a resources thread there too.

    Its a tough road; I've been a single mum now for 3 years and I still have the occasional bad day.


 

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