+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 17
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    26
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    1
    Reviews
    0

    Default Feeling like a 'bludger' and hoping for some reassurance

    Hi, I know pregnancy hormones are a big part of me being so upset about this, but I guess I was hoping for some reassurance that we're not horrible people lol. Or just to rant and let it all out, whatever.

    My husband and I married young. We have one little girl and another on the way, and don't regret it a bit.

    The problem is my husband started out on poor footing so to speak. He spent his older teenage years and early twenties working 60 hours a week for his fathers business. He hates that line of work, and has absolutely no desire to continue in it. In fact it depresses him terribly, and to us, we're better off being unemployed then having him hate his life as much as he would with a job in that field. He kept going with it because we needed the money, but the companys biggest client went under during the GFC, taking their business with it, as good an excuse as any to get out. That industry is still suffering greatly from the GFC, so even if he wanted to go back, finding work would be dificult at best.

    My husband is now among the scores of 20-somethings currently looking desperately for work but not finding anything. Because of his parents rather unwise guidance he has spent the first 3 years of our marriage doing what he should have done as a teenager, studying, getting experience and finding out what he enjoys, what he hates, and what he wants to do with his life. During this time he has jumped from job to job, continually being made redundant as businesses cut back. He started out behind the pack, but people don't take that into account when they judge our situation.

    He's finally figured himself out, what he dosen't want to do, and what he does want to do. But with absolutely no qualifications or relevant experience it's gonna be a long haul. He's learning at the moment, and considering doing a TAFE course. But this leaves us in a precarious position financially. We get by and we make ends meet well enough, that's not the problem, the problem for me right now is reassuring myself that we are very different from dole bludgers who have no intention of even trying to get work, that we really are 'aussie battlers' trying to get by and make a better life for ourselves.

    I am a SAHM and I believe very strongly this is where I need to be. The consideration of a job did enter my mind, but I am also blind, and finding work as a blind woman was nearly impossible even BEFORE unemployment rose as high as it did and I had a child. I doubt I'd have any chance now, and the trouble and stress and special considerations involved in me working, even in something as simple as commuting since I cannot drive, just makes the situation impossible. Oh yeah, and the currently pregnant thing makes me completely undesirable as an employee.

    At the moment I claim the blind pension, a payment I will be entitled to whether I work or not for the rest of my life (it is the only pension in Australia that is not income tested, don't ask me why). My husband is currently collecting parenting payment, and then there's FTB and rent assistance. In total between us I think we recieve about $1300 a fortnight from centerlink. My husband also works as a pizza delivery driver, and hopes to soon swap that for a job in retail now that it's hiring season again.

    I know that this is exactly the situation that centerlink is meant for, and I know we are using centerlink to get by now in the hopes that my husband can train for a full time job instead of jumping around on minimum wage the rest of our lives. I know we're not actually even on the dole and are completely entitled to all we get (we could easily get more if we were willing to lie), and I know there's plenty of people abusing the system, and while some people may resent us we have hopes and plans.

    It's harder because we have made some unwise financial decisions in the past, the most recent being a small business that we set up, but discovered my husband was simply not ready for, he lacks the confidence and experience to strike out alone right now, and I even know that's ok, because he is still young (23) and he's still doing a lot better for himself than many people his age. Mistakes are part of learning and part of life, I just wish this one hadn't been so costly at such a bad time.

    But I feel like people are still grouping us in with dole bludgers and no hopers. I feel like people are comparing my husband to men twice his age with twice his experiences, or to young men who had the opportunities as a teenager to find some direction and skills before having the added responsibility of a family. We don't want to live on centerlink forever. which is one of the big reasons my husband tries his hardest to keep at least a casual job at all times, but in this climate even that has become very hard, despite a full year of experience and good references for retail work.

    So do you tax payers resent us and the fact we live off centerlink right now? Do you guys think we're doing alright? It's hard to remember that everyone around us was 20 once, they all act as if my husband should have all the knowlege, experience, and assets of a 40-something, it's not fair or realistic. There's so much emphasis lately, people act as if claiming benefits while having children is the worst thing a person can do, but it isn't as if our payments are even unemployment based.

    I guess I just want someone to tell us we're doing ok... People ignore the setbacks we have and just focus on what they think we should be doing. It's so hard to feel good about yourself when you're in a situation like this.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Posts
    4,786
    Thanks
    1,021
    Thanked
    2,246
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    You are not a dole blugger. Your husband is 23 he is still very young. So you made a few mistakes as young people. It happens.
    I think your husband should study, start with tafe and maybe then get into Uni.
    His chances at finding good work will improve with education and experiance.
    You are a sahm. That's a job!
    Don't be so hard on yourself. You will get there, these things take time.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    Posts
    5,279
    Thanks
    2,361
    Thanked
    2,023
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Janesmum123 View Post
    You are not a dole blugger. Your husband is 23 he is still very young. So you made a few mistakes as young people. It happens.
    I think your husband should study, start with tafe and maybe then get into Uni.
    His chances at finding good work will improve with education and experiance.
    You are a sahm. That's a job!
    Don't be so hard on yourself. You will get there, these things take time.
    Yep...100%


  4. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    1,779
    Thanks
    327
    Thanked
    940
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I would not put you or your DH into the same catagory as a dole bludger.

    A dole bludger is someone who is happy to sit around accepting a Centrelink payment and not doing anything to try and get themselves off the pension.

    Your DH is taking steps to try and better himself financially and professionally which is the complete opposite to what a dole bludger would do.

    You are a SAHM and pregnant and you are not receiving anything from Centrelink that you are not entitled to so you are not a dole bludger either.

    Try and ignore those around you who say otherwise.

  5. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to MsTruth For This Useful Post:

    BluePixie  (20-04-2012),NancyBlackett  (20-04-2012)

  6. #5
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Victoria
    Posts
    2,610
    Thanks
    1,023
    Thanked
    511
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Don't beat yourself up. You are using centerlink for its exact purpose and are bettering yourselves everyday he is learning, looking for work and working what more can one ask. Remember this is temporary one day he will be employed in a job he likes and you won't be on assistance.

  7. #6
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    3,244
    Thanks
    2,507
    Thanked
    1,249
    Reviews
    10
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I wouldn't class you as that at all! You are using the benefits to help yourselves get into a more employable situation which is what they're there for! The fact that you even feel this way is proof enough that you are not one of those people - they wouldn't feel any guilt or worry about taking the money!

  8. #7
    headoverfeet's Avatar
    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    18,954
    Thanks
    3,142
    Thanked
    4,892
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    I think nothing of the sort

  9. #8
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    Location
    Brisbane
    Posts
    254
    Thanks
    272
    Thanked
    55
    Reviews
    0
    You both seem to have the right attitude and are obviously trying to better yourselves and your situation.

    Is there something you can do as a SAHM that might earn a little extra income to assist but not decrease your centrelink? Im still looking for that fabulous income earner for me as the more I earn, the longer before I have to go back to my *real* (ie PAID!) job

  10. #9
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    Newcastle
    Posts
    14,956
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    634
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Your not bludging at all.

    Your doing what you need to do for your family right now.

  11. #10
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Posts
    1,728
    Thanks
    878
    Thanked
    891
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    There will always be judgemental people out there who will group and non-working, Centrelink benefit receiving people as "dole bludgers" - sometimes you can't help what people think. But you know what? Who cares! Who cares what someone who doesn't know you thinks. You and your husband know the struggles you've been through and are still going through. There will always be people who judge a book by its cover. You've just got to ignore them and their opinion and look after yourselves


 

Similar Threads

  1. Is there anything I can do for reassurance?
    By Here Kitty in forum First Trimester Chat
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 17-11-2012, 14:37
  2. Looking for reassurance
    By Hullabalu in forum Pregnancy & Birth General Chat
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 08-03-2012, 17:12

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Einsteinz Music
Make music at Einsteinz Music in age-appropriate class in Sydney's Inner West, Eastern Suburbs or North Shore. For ages 6 mths - 4 yrs. All music is live! Christmas Gift certificates available for full term or casual classes. Call 0431 338 143
sales & new stuffsee all
Wendys Music School Melbourne
Wondering about Music Lessons? FREE 30 minute ASSESSMENT. Find out if your child is ready! Piano from age 3 years & Guitar, Singing, Drums, Violin from age 5. Lessons available for all ages. 35+ years experience. Structured program.
Use referral 'bubhub' when booking
featured supporter
Philips AVENT Australia
Pregnancy and early parenthood is an exciting and challenging time, but it’s good to know there is expert advice on hand to ensure that your baby gets the best start in life.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!