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  1. #1
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    Default My husband says our kids make him miserable

    i have been married for almost 7 years we have a 1 year old and a 6 year old. My husband keeps telling me he doesnt want a family (despite the fact that we already have one!) and makes me feel guilty about having a family and just enjoying my kids. We did not plan our first but he made the decision to have the second, and when i bring it up as to why he wanted a second child when he doesnt even want the first, he says he wanted the second one only because he doesnt want the first to be an only child. he feels like i didnt include him in making the decision of having our first baby, we were actully engaged at the time i got pregnant. i just couldnt get rid of the baby, and do not regret it for a moment.Now more than 6years later its still the same story, i cant tell you how many times he keeps saying "but i didnt want a family" and what hurts the most is when he says "my kids make me miserable" and " having kids sucks" it wasnt part of his plans but it wasnt my plan either to have a baby so soon, but i made the best of it. I Am just tierd of his sad old story, and i am really concidering if its worth staying together long term if he is always going to feel this way. i want my family I love my kids and want to enjoy life with them playing a big part in it. All i need is for him to want it to, what should I do?
    Last edited by Apfel3; 18-04-2012 at 16:52. Reason: Made mistake

  2. #2
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    This is going to sound extremely harsh but could you maybe take your kids and stay with family/friends for a bit? That way he'll see what it's like without you and your children and hopefully will start to miss what he had? This of course could go the other way? Sorry I'm not much help am I? He doesn't deserve to have a family though by the sounds of it, I'm sorry you're in this situation

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    Liddybugs  (19-04-2012)

  4. #3
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    honestly, i would ask what he hopes to achieve with those comments?

    I understand that #1 wasn't planned....but so what? That was 6 years ago.

    I would tell him to get involved and find things he likes doing...esp with the 6 year old.. That is old enough to share interests and form a real relationship.

    If my husband was not willing to create a happy positive life...i would get rid of him. I would try counselling first, but that attitude would bring me down and hurt too much to live with.

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    Blessedwith3boys  (18-04-2012)

  6. #4
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    Does he say it all the time or does something tend to trigger it?

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    That is so sad and terrible he feels that way. Hope the kids don't hear him say those things.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cheetara View Post
    This is going to sound extremely harsh but could you maybe take your kids and stay with family/friends for a bit? That way he'll see what it's like without you and your children and hopefully will start to miss what he had? This of course could go the other way? Sorry I'm not much help am I? He doesn't deserve to have a family though by the sounds of it, I'm sorry you're in this situation
    I was going to suggest this too. He can see what it's like to be single and hopefully grow up and realise he does love his family, and you can see what it's like to not have his negativity around and have some time to think.

    He is being incredibly unfair in saying that and I hope the kids don't know how he feels.


  9. #7
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    I agree with the others maybe he needs a shock into realising how lucky he is. He needs to stop saying he didn't want them. He's never going to enjoy being a dad if he keeps telling himself that.
    Best of luck.

  10. #8
    futureherder is offline Child led parent here...save me :)
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    Sounds like someone needs to be a little more pro active with their life. Having kids is a gift but if you are not dealing the pressure and misery can be overwhelming. Not that I am defending him as it isn't nice and childish to just say 'kids suck'

    I feel for you because it would hurt and just isn't fair. He needs to grow up. What about having kids though is holding him back? Sure he can't sit on a beach sipping cocktails but I am sure there are heaps of things he could do to make himself feel more fulfilled and that is his responsibility and if he needs your support in doing it then he needs to ask for it.

    Kids are easy to enjoy, they are hard work but so s life. He needs some help accepting things. Maybe he could talk to someone. His misery is caused by hid inability to cope not his family.

    Sorry if that sounds harsh.

    I know you just want him to be happy.

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    If this were a mum we would all be thinking post natal, is it possible this is the case?
    (excuse the exaggeration )

  12. #10
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    You can't make someone want something they don't. It will forever make you miserable. Leave till he realizes what he's loosing.

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