+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 8 of 8
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    7
    Thanks
    5
    Thanked
    0
    Reviews
    0

    Default Trust issues. Could hormones be making me paranoid or is this something more?

    I've been with my partner near on eight years now. We have been really good for the past year especially. But since we found out I was pregnant four weeks ago he has been quite distant. It wasn't planned but he was very happy when I told him. But since, when I mention the baby or the pregnancy he seems indifferent and hardly responds, he seems uninterested. Then, when he seemed funny whenever I went beat his phone (to turn off the alarm in the morning) I looked further and found messages he had sent to two girls that he had cheated on me with a few years back and then promised never to speak to again, asking them to meet for drinks. When I asked about it he gave me a story about how he was asking to set them up with his mates, who are both newly single. When I asked I I could look at all the messages to confirm this he told me that he doesn't think he should have to let me, I could either trust and believe him, or not. I told him I didn't trust him, but the next day he just acted as though nothing had happened.
    So, what do you think, am I being paranoid or does it seem wrong? I live him very much it sounds very corny but he has become my life! and i don't want to leave him when I'm so unsure, but at the same time I don't want to set a precedent that he can get away with this. I don't want my child to be brought up in an environment where they learn that it's ok to treat someone like that or let themself be treated like that. At the same time, I'm not sure I could do this on my own. All of my family has recently moved interstate and and I work for my partners business!
    Some advice is so very needed!

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    4,765
    Thanks
    1,903
    Thanked
    2,790
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts


    Two things -

    1. It is quite common for men to act a bit distant and disconnected in the early stages of a prgnancy, particularly an unplanned one - sometimes it takes them a while to process. Sometimes they go through a bit of a denial stage, sometimes they feel a bit out of it since you are the one going through all the changes and not him, if that makes sense. Hopefully he comes around and gets excited when he starts to see the bump grow and feels bub move, or the due date gets closer, or maybe not even until the birth.

    2. If he has cheated in the past then yes, he should be prepared to show you all of the messages to reassure you. He lost your trust in the past and should be prepared to do whatever it takes to make you trust him again.

    Just my thoughts. Hopefully you can get to the bottom of what's going on

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to shelle65 For This Useful Post:

    whoopsie  (17-04-2012)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Posts
    441
    Thanks
    136
    Thanked
    113
    Reviews
    0
    whoopsie, that must be really really hard. I would have huge problems with that given his history with these girls and I think it is undervaluing yourself to say that it's hormonal. Even if he is only contacting them for his friends that is still a breach of trust given his history.

    If it will be too hard to address it at the moment, try surrounding yourself with some support (new job and feinds maybe?) before addressing it so that if it is bad news you are comfortable in taking steps to address it (ie leaving him if that's what you want to do).

    It's a really hard one - good luck and I hope that it isn't what you are thinking

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to Artful For This Useful Post:

    whoopsie  (17-04-2012)

  6. #4
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    2,368
    Thanks
    498
    Thanked
    1,479
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    When I read the start it sounded like normal male response to an unplanned pregnancy - like he just needed a bit more time to get his head around it, nothing to worry about.
    But trying to meet up with girls he'd cheated with in the past (even if the intention wasn't to cheat but to set up his friends as he said), and then not letting you see evidence to support this is totally dodgy!
    I can't offer any practical advice as to how to proceed (but I agree with PPs) but wanted to say that you're absolutely not being paranoid or hormonal, and don't let him convince you that you are.
    He could just be freaking out a bit and isn't engaging in particularly healthy behaviour as a result, but that doesn't mean he's actually done anything really bad. Yet. And it doesn't mean he will, but he's definitely not acting as a man in his position should be.

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to deku For This Useful Post:

    whoopsie  (17-04-2012)

  8. #5
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Central Coast, NSW
    Posts
    60
    Thanks
    23
    Thanked
    21
    Reviews
    0
    Talking to girls he cheated on you with after promising not to speak to them. That's a big warning sign right there.

    Maybe he is still in a bit of shock since the pregnancy was unplanned. You need to sit down and talk it out. Don't let these feelings build up. You're pregnant and you deserve/need a stress free environment.

    Good luck

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to Melbz For This Useful Post:

    whoopsie  (17-04-2012)

  10. #6
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    Sautéed with bacon
    Posts
    6,070
    Thanks
    271
    Thanked
    2,695
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    It's not your hormones. It's him, and don't let him try and tell you otherwise.
    He's broken your trust a) by cheating in the first place b) contacting them again and c) blatantly lying about it. It wasn't to set them up with his mates! How completely inappropriate anyway! He CHEATED with these woman, how could he possibly want them back in his life through his mates.
    He.is.lying.
    I'd be extremely cautious if I were you. Hell, if I were you I would have left the minute I saw text messages to TWO different woman asking them for a drink.
    Stay strong and trust your gut - it's never wrong.
    ((hugs))
    Last edited by faroutbrusselsprout; 17-04-2012 at 14:40.

  11. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to faroutbrusselsprout For This Useful Post:

    Melbz  (17-04-2012),whoopsie  (17-04-2012)

  12. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    1,689
    Thanks
    329
    Thanked
    383
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Oops sorry must have hit wrong thread. Sorry.

  13. #8
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    7
    Thanks
    5
    Thanked
    0
    Reviews
    0
    Thank you so much everybody, youre all a great help!
    I definately need to talk to him about this. I feel like you're right, it is probably a shock that has made him distant. I hope that faroutbrusselsprout isn't right, but honestly my guy tells me she is, unfortunately. Although I'm quite certain it hasn't led to anything, it's a betrayal nonetheless and I'm sure he was hoping it would before he got caught.


 

Similar Threads

  1. Trust Issues. Don't know what to do??
    By PomPoms in forum Family & Friends
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 05-04-2012, 15:29
  2. Are my hormones making me crazy?!?! Or am I right to be annoyed?!?!
    By spitthedummy in forum Pregnancy & Birth General Chat
    Replies: 9
    Last Post: 22-03-2012, 15:18
  3. *Sensitive topic* Trust issues with your baby
    By MyLittleLilacTree in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: 03-02-2012, 12:48

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Ro&Co
Share magical moments this Christmas with this gorgeous gingerbread house. Exclusively available in Brisbane, with FREE delivery in Brisbane Metro areas. Each Christmas Centrepiece is unique and made to order, from $240.
sales & new stuffsee all
Bub Hub Sales Listing
HAVING A SALE? Let parents know about it with a Bub Hub Sales listing. Listings are featured on our well trafficked Sales Page + selected randomly to appear on EVERY page
featured supporter
Tribalance
TriBalance is a physio, yoga & pilates studio in Brisbane's inner north, offering specialised women's health physiotherapy services. Weekly pregnancy yoga classes are scheduled at the studio on Thursdays 1- 2pm and Saturdays 1-2:15pm.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!