why why? im not happy with myself and it wont be happening again

**MissMuppet** · 17-04-2012 10:05

Are you seeing a counsellor or do you have a support person?

3 years without using is a great achievement. Don't beat yourself up for a slip up, congratulate yourself for having done so well so far. And I agree with a pervious poster about asking yourself why you went back again and coming up with a different way to address those feelings that's healthier.

From the tone of your OP I almost get the feeling you want people to have a go at you? Do you feel you deserve a hard time? I think you need to be kinder to yourself and really believe that you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness (from yourself and others).

I just want to give you a big hug and tell you its going to be okay. You've gone three years clean before, you can do it again.

**rae1976** · 17-04-2012 14:47

Thank you all so so much, I guess I thought that I deserve a bashing and I really didnt expect for everyone to be so tolerant and supportive. I am going to see a counsellor again, i do have things I need to get clear again instead of a mish mash and keep my guilt complex in perspective. One of my biggest fears is for my eldest son to be known at school as the kid whos mum is weird or worse an addict. This is so hard to write, and again i end up in tears, I will keep this as a bookmark and read it whenever I feel that niggling feeling -thanks Maybe again for the video idea.
Yep i am going to face forward, put it well behind me and know that i have made a mistake but not to make another. And thank you again for all your kind words, advice and mostly support.

**GluttonForPunishment** · 17-04-2012 15:06

Yep, you made a mistake and good on you for admitting it to yourself. Like the pp's, I'm also proud of you. However, one thing I'd add. More than your kids, keep yourself clean FOR YOU! You matter. You're important. So, for you first and foremost, forgive your mistakes and look after yourself!

Many hugs from me to you!