Are you seeing a counsellor or do you have a support person?
3 years without using is a great achievement. Don't beat yourself up for a slip up, congratulate yourself for having done so well so far. And I agree with a pervious poster about asking yourself why you went back again and coming up with a different way to address those feelings that's healthier.
From the tone of your OP I almost get the feeling you want people to have a go at you? Do you feel you deserve a hard time? I think you need to be kinder to yourself and really believe that you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness (from yourself and others).
I just want to give you a big hug and tell you its going to be okay. You've gone three years clean before, you can do it again.