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  1. #11
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    I will send an SMS to my dh if I need to remind him Of something or to pick something up..
    If he is out I expect an SMS letting me know when he is going to be home and an SMS when he leaves to come home (he doesn't drive and uses public transport) just so I know when to expect him home and if he is late then I start to worry.. I also do the same when I am out.

    While I like getting random SMS's from dh there is no way I could handle what you have explained your friend doing. I will send dh random SMSs to dh when he is out saying I loved him etc and I feel bad for that. I have trust issues but your friend is way over the top and needs to cut it out before he leaves her.

  2. #12
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    I agree that her behaviour sounds OTT but is there reasons for this? eg, has he been unfaithful in some way in the past or has previous partners cheated on her and now she has trust issues with her husband or has something happened to a loved one in the past when they were out and there was no contact?

    I also wonder whether she needs to find something more to do during her day/night so that she does not feel the need to contact her husband all the time to chat. Maybe she is lonely and needs to be encouraged to join a social group or play group or study or something to give her an outlet for talking etc?

  3. #13
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    GluttonForPunishment is offline Bubhub Award Winner - 2011- Most Optimistic Poster and Newbie of the Year Awards
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    It sounds to me like you friend is both insecure and perhaps lonely? She sounds needy, but there has to be a reason for that and it may or may not have something to do with him. I think the two of them need to sit down and really discuss this. It may be that she needs to do do her own thing. Is she a SAHM with not much social interaction?

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    Sounds exactly like a friend of mine!! She literally stalks her partners.. no kidding. She had a marriage breakdown because of doing this.... and has admitted that she has not been cheated on or anything, just feels insecure. With her most recent partner (now they are ex's) she'd even follow him to work seminars, to other friend's places to see if he's there, if he ever made plans to see his friends she'd make plans over the top of his so he couldn't see his friends.... but it was ok for her to see hers.. I used to always tell her to stop it because she will end up a lonely person if she keeps doing what she does. and her answer was she couldn't help it. I remember once she called me in tears and said he finally wouldn't answer his phone... and i asked her how many times had she rung him and she said 17 times since 2am....!!! omg. no wonder he stopped picking up.

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    I always forget to text DF during the day, he likes me to call on his break to chat, twice sometimes - but that's it. I get a little funny if/when he goes out but that stems from trust issues with past partners and issues very early on in our relationship - that and I get bored at home once DD is in bed! But screw obsessive texting, you'd have nothing to talk about when they get home if you bugged them all day! But he needs to sit her down and tell her this. She might not be aware its an issue? She might not even realise she's sending as many texts and Calls as she is?

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  7. #16
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    She sounds bored and lonely. I think she needs something else to focus on. If she continues on like this then she will most likely be forced to find something else to focus on...

  8. #17
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    Sounds smothering to me, I couldn't stand that if i'm out with my friends. However I'm not sure if they have a history that worries her when he's not home, or if she's up to her head with house work & taking care of their kid(s) while he's enjoying himself. My DH used to do that for a while when I had a health problem & he was genuinely worried, still drove me mad to hear the phone ring every 10 mins.

  9. #18
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    as far as i know hes never cheated. his culture/community is very tightknit so it would be hard to hide.
    i do agree shes isolated. theyve moved 5000km for work, so no friends or family.
    that said she doesnt do any kiddie social stuff, which would help her make friends.

  10. #19
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    LifeInShadesOfGrey is offline Just a little bit silly :)
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    I think shes smothering him, except I strongly believe that if my DP wants to do something tell me BEFORE not leave me wondering where he is.

    We used to text/ring all the time. Since DD came along neither of us bother anymore lol. Just when he's on lunch. Sometimes Im so busy with DD, that DP will text wondering if I am okay lol. So cute.

    But she needs to give him some space. To do men things. =)

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    If there's no history of cheating or trust issues then she is definitely smothering him imo. They need to talk about their fears and expectations, possibly even with a professional. If it's worse than before the move perhaps mixing and making friends will help, but if the behavior is pretty similar then imo she has trust issues.

    For his part it would be nice if he told her he was going out before he actually did in case it affected dinner or plans they had together, but otherwise it is a good idea to go out with friends. By stay away for a few days do you mean not come home or avoid each other at home? As if he doesn't come home that really is an issue.


 

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