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  1. #1
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    Default Aspie partners

    Going crazy in this little household. I'm quite convinced my hubby has aspergers. We have been together for 7 years now and every week he gets that little bit harder to love. In fact I breathe a sigh of relief when Monday comes and realise we have 'survived' another weekend with Daddy.

    This weekend has been particularly tough as he was emotionally abusive to our 3 yo - he told him to get stuffed very loudly and aggressively when Ollie didn't want to do something his way. I said that was totally inappropriate and he didn't get what was so bad about behaving that way. Then he tapped me on the back of the head. I shouted that I regretted that he is the father of my children but thankfully he didn't hear as there is no going back from that, is there? He just makes me so angry.

    We talked about it the next morning and he apologised for his behaviour (as he usually does the next day - though I'm not sure he really thinks he has done wrong) and said that he is really having trouble bonding with our son, that our son is totally out of control and undisciplined. He feels rejected by our son and unable to communicate with 'the monster'. He is talking about our 3 year old who is (suspected) autistic. I'm reading this and thinking 'what a ****' but we are so screwed up in the house that all I can think is 'he is finally communicating!!'

    I hit the internet on father son bonding, autism, parenting and autism etc and I came across what can only be described as a light bulb article - http://www.aspia.org.au/pdf/AS_Marriage_brochure.pdf Why had this never occurred to me - that hubby has ASD.... maybe not a sociopath after all.

    I feel sad and overwelmed because this just fits and I guess I'm on here now, telling this story, as I would love to reach out to others in similar situations that I can talk to and that might understand my day to day roller coaster ride. Always challenging but never really any fun.

  2. #2
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    I came in to recommend Aspia to you.... Their support groups are fantastic.... It's a tough, sometimes lonely life for the partner of an Aspie Sometimes support from people in the same situation can make the world of difference xxxx

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    Hallsdownunder  (17-04-2012)

  4. #3
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    Just don't confuse Aspergers with ASD though. I hope that one day you can make him realize something isn't right and get him tested.
    Whoever is doing your son's testing, you might want to tell them about your suspicion and ask if they know a way to confirm your suspicion or not.

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    Hallsdownunder  (17-04-2012)

  6. #4
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    My hubby has aspergers, oh what a wonderful life we live. haha, He can be done right rude at times but over the years I have learnt to adjust. He is lovely with our little girl if sometimes over the top with the dicipline.

    I tend to let a lot go and just move on. He does parent in a completly different way tome but i love him all the same.

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    My neighbours SIL got diagnosed with Aspergers at 36yo, 2 weeks after his son got diagnosed with ASD at 5yo.
    He's not violent or aggressive, he's the opposite. He's extremely friendly and trusting towards people and strangers. His son is too.
    This caused problems as he is the one that lets his son get away with things and his mum is left to do all the disciplining

  8. #6
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    thank you for your response. I think I need the tools to 'learn to adjust'.

    The discipline thing - boy has that been the basis of some fights! We watched supernanny one night and tried the naughty corner the very next day. Well that was a disaster!!! Because our son wouldn't stay on the spot the first time he was told to - my husband went ballistic. He couldn't seem to understand that he has to invest time and energy into using this discipline technique and that our son wouldn't just 'accept his authority'.

    I guess I tend to let a lot go and well and have to 'forget' or go crazy but i"m really concerned how his behaviour is going to effect the self image and esteem of the children. Do I persevere with aspie husband or protect the children. At least that's what I think the choices are now.

    Time to get some help I think!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Hallsdownunder View Post
    Time to get some help I think!
    Definitely!

    With DS, who has just undergone an ASD assessment (waiting for the report to come in), I started doing the 1 2 3 magic disciplining. It is not about punishing them, its about getting to stop the bad behaviour right at that time.
    I use his room as a 'time out'. He now goes to his room when I tell him to. He quiets down in there and usually grabs a book or a car to.play with. When the timer goes off, he comes out and all is forgotten.
    It works well, but consistency is the key.


 

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