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  1. #31
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    Nope, I find the needy/insecure thing incredibly unattractive.

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    wilding  (16-04-2012)

  3. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by SassyMummy View Post
    As I've mentioned about a bajillion times, I've had WLS and have since dropped 32kg and counting.

    Anyway, at my "before" weight I knew nobody was going to be looking at me, but NOW people seem to have started to... and it feels nice that people think I'm at an acceptable weight to pay attention to now.

    The thing that bothers me though, is that DP does not give a stuff. Even people who have started trying to "get to know me," on FB (some random dude who apparently saw me somewhere on a FB page or something and decided to contact me and a guy who's in a WLS group who has since paid me a bit of attention)... he just doesn't even care!

    Now I don't want him to be the kind of jealous where he's all, "You're not allowed to talk to any male ever!" or banning me from FB and acting like a loon... but a bit of a hint of being jealous... you know... "I hope you tell them you're mine...lol," or something like that.

    I would LOVE for him to feel a tiny bit jealous, but he couldn't care less. Of course, if I cheated or left him for some other guy (which I won't do) he'd register some sort of emotion, but I think it'd be anger, not jealousy... but even so, I'd love for him to think, "I hope Stacey chooses to stick with me," or something. lol.

    So was wondering... do you like it if your partner gets a little jealous too, or do you not care at all? I want to know if I'm abnormal for being disappointed in his lack of mild jealousy...
    Congratulations on your weight loss!
    32kgs! What massive accomplishment.

    I have lost 23kgs so far and still have another 20 to go
    Its a nice feeling to feel "normal" again. And yes the little male attention is always flattering!

  4. #33
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    I know that feeling of wanting them to be a 'tiny bit jealous'. When we'd only been dating about 12 months or so, I was doing modelling. I was pretty insecure, and DF was my first 'real' boyfriend. I thought having them be jealous was a kind of 'rite of passage' of a relationship. I was 16/17 and stupid!

    I kind of went out of my way to highlight my friendships with other male models, ridiculous stuff like that. It just caused *huge* trust issues and he became paranoid about my work and it ruined my enjoyment of my modelling and my relationship. It caused a huge amount of distress for him and it could have been avoided had I not been such an immature little twit.

    With counselling, we worked past our trust issues to the point that I could enjoy my modelling work without worrying about him becoming jealous. He felt secure again, despite me having gone out of my way to make him feel insecure in our relationship by wanting him to be 'a bit jealous'.

    We are stronger now and more mature. I didn't realise at the time that DF was the man I was going to marry. I was too busy acting in a way that I thought conventional teenage relationship behaviour dictated.

    Hollywood has a lot to answer for. Uncomplicated, trusting relationships are wonderful. Drama and jealousy create unhappiness. And aren't we with our other halves so that we can be happy?

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    I think a little bit of jealously is a natural response for some people and not others and is not necessarily linked to whether you trust your partner or not. I think wanting your partner to be a little bit jealous might reflect that you have a different natural response to your partner and you want him to have the same as you, but in the end we're all different.

    Does he compliment you on how you look? If not this might be a way of you knowing he thinks your beautiful without him exhibiting jealousy?

  6. #35
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    First thing is Congratulations on the weight loss...

    DP Doesn't get jealous at all... But with my past with previous ex BF's i have a high jealous rate... so kinda makes up for the both of us... I am working on the jealous issue but being cheated on by every ex with either my sister or a friend i kinda am very worried that it will happen again... I hate feeling like this but Dp isn't the best looker but he has the kindest heart anyone could ask for. Kinda feel really sorry for him as he has to put up with me and my issue's lol...

  7. #36
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    My DH doesnt bat an eyelid either. He thinks its awesome when guys try to pick me up. He once high fived a guy when the guy apologised for trying to pick me up, he didnt realise i was with my DH and DH high fived him and said something like nah dont be sorry you think my misses is hot thats awesome

  8. #37
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    I had a similar situation to you Sassy, I lost 30kgs and started getting alot of attention. DH didn't care at all. Never showed any jealousy at all. We would go out to parties or clubs and I would have guys chatting me up, buying me drinks, dancing with me and he never stepped in or said anything. He is a very placid calm person so maybe he just didn't want to cause a scene but sometimes you want them to get all 'hey that's MY woman!' lol. Although he has said a few times that I am such a flirt when I drink but that it doesn't bother him, so maybe he is just that confident in our relationship or something.

  9. #38
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    Thanks guys.

    Yeah, I never wanted some crazy jealous type... I know those exist and I'm glad he's not one of them. A tiny bit of MILD jealousy is something I'd kind of like though.

    Perhaps it's because DP seems to place very little value in looks. A PP asks if he comments - and he doesn't. Unless I ask specific questions like, "Do you think I look nice?" he says nothing at all, and the only response I get to those types of question is a nod or "Yep." Nothing particularly overwhelming... the kind of response I give him when he's banging on about tools or something... lol.

    I don't go out of my way to make him jealous, because I don't want him to ever think he has to doubt my loyalty... but I suppose I just want SOME kind of reaction to these things. Just a tiny one. I guess it lets me down sometimes... like I start thinking, "Is he just not jealous because he thinks nobody else could possibly put up with me so nobody is a REAL threat to him?"

    I have anxiety though, and I tend to think like this about most situations... so I know it's kind of irrational.

    Anyway, thanks for all replies!

  10. #39
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    Witwicky is offline A closed mouth gathers no foot.
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    Quote Originally Posted by DarkCherry View Post
    I think being jealous and possessive are two different things. Jealousy is a natural feeling, being possessive is trying to have complete control over somebody or something.
    I'm also a very jealous person but I'm definitely not possessive.
    I agree that they are different things, absolutely...minor jealousy is absolutely natural. Most jealousy I see though is OTT. Some of the comments I hear from people both here and IRL about situations where their partner gets jealous, are a bit iffy in my eyes.

    I suppose it just depends on the individual's perception of it all.
    Last edited by Witwicky; 16-04-2012 at 18:38.

  11. #40
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    Witwicky is offline A closed mouth gathers no foot.
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    Quote Originally Posted by SassyMummy View Post
    Thanks guys.

    Yeah, I never wanted some crazy jealous type... I know those exist and I'm glad he's not one of them. A tiny bit of MILD jealousy is something I'd kind of like though.

    Perhaps it's because DP seems to place very little value in looks. A PP asks if he comments - and he doesn't. Unless I ask specific questions like, "Do you think I look nice?" he says nothing at all, and the only response I get to those types of question is a nod or "Yep." Nothing particularly overwhelming... the kind of response I give him when he's banging on about tools or something... lol.

    I don't go out of my way to make him jealous, because I don't want him to ever think he has to doubt my loyalty... but I suppose I just want SOME kind of reaction to these things. Just a tiny one. I guess it lets me down sometimes... like I start thinking, "Is he just not jealous because he thinks nobody else could possibly put up with me so nobody is a REAL threat to him?"

    I have anxiety though, and I tend to think like this about most situations... so I know it's kind of irrational.

    Anyway, thanks for all replies!
    It sounds like he completely trusts you and feels secure in the relationship. It also sounds like he has healthy self-esteem, as he obviously isn't threatened unnecessarily by other men


 

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