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  1. #11
    Savingfishfromdrowning's Avatar
    Savingfishfromdrowning is offline If you can't change your fate, change your attitude
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    No I don't really worry about it. Some decisions I make are for her and some are to suit me, I don't think this is a problem. I believe that any child brought up in a loving home should turn out to be a relatively well-adjusted adult. I don't think this requires the parents' lives to revolve around their children. In fact, I think my children will benefit from learning that the world does not revolve around them.

    I don't identify as an 'attachment' parent, though I know my child has healthy attachments, and I know that her emotional and physical needs are met. I don't subscribe to the idea that there is one ideal way to parent (AP or anything else). I actually think that the human psyche is much stronger than we give it credit for - I don't think it's terribly easy to f up a child, certainly not when you are parenting with love.

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    giggle berry  (14-04-2012)

  3. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by DiamondEyes View Post
    do you think the way you parent will one day have a negative impact on your child when they are an adult?

    Do you parent in a way that is more benificial for YOU than for your child? I.e makes your life easier, rather than theirs?
    Probably! I try the best I can, but I can also see that Mum did an incredible job and it still has managed to have a negative impact in some ways (from being TOO good!) And she was the type of parent who always made OUR lives easier over hers. Even talking or reading people's opinions on how they were raised I just think, "wow, you can never win." I can only be my best and hope that they never have any huge issues because of me.

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    Quote Originally Posted by waterlily View Post
    I don't worry about that. I will now.. Thanks!! Hahah...

    I don't think OUR parenting will have a negative impact purely because I think I'm a blo0dy awesome parent

    We always did/do the AP parenting and DD is extremely independent, has beautiful manners, but is clearly still your typical 2 year old.

    We have strict rules: No hitting, bitting, disrespecting ect. But if the rules are broken (rarely) we talk about it don't just instantly yell or smack (something we are against). We treat her with respect, just because he is a child doesn't mean she doesn't deserve it like an adult does.

    I'm happy that I actually am good at something!! I'm a good Mum. I'm proud of myself and my little family.

    I hope she continues to grow up a beautiful well adjusted lady, because I think we are giving her the right tools to accomplish that.

    Anywho enough tooting my own horn, I probably sounded like a t0sser writing that . Haha.
    You don't sound like a tosser at all, no one gets enough credit for being a good parent.

  5. #14
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    I was so scared of this when I was pregnant because I really didn't feel like I was the material to be a good mother. I've put a lot of work into learning more and working on some of the major deficiencies that I'm aware of and now feel really confident that our parenting will help our child(ren) to grow up well adjusted, loving and knowing that they are loved. I've found it really sobering to talk to friends and see how many resent aspects of the way that they were parented. I certainly have issues with some of the ways that I was parented and although I have a great relationship with my parents it's not as open and loving as I would aspire to with my children. I also found it really interesting reading the book "Unconditional Parenting" where the authour cites lots of research where parents have said that they really love their children and that their children know that they are loved and the then adult children have said that they never really felt loved by their parents. I can really relate because intelectually I know that our parents love us and always acted in what they thought were our best interests, but I never really felt loved growing up.
    It's something I definitely try to keep in mind in my approach to parenting

  6. #15
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    No I think I parent in a way that is BOTH beneficial to my kids in the long run and makes things easier for us as well.

    Our general parenting philosophy is to encourage the development of resilience, confidence and life skills by letting our kids go 'free range' as much as possible for their ages...... This in turn means that they get a lot of time to go outside and play together/by themselves which makes things easy for us too! Win/Win!!

  7. #16
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    I hope that my failings and the errors I've made in the short time I've been a parent don't have a negative impact. I know that most of the time I'm a good mum. But I'm not flawless and have had moments where I've raised my voice, yelled, not cuddled when there's been tears, and even smacked despite vowing to never do such a thing. I feel guilty every day for the few things I've done that I don't want to include in my parenting repertoire. I just hope that as I become more skilled and knowledgable that I won't do those things again and that DS won't grow up remembering them.

  8. #17
    AndrewTheEmu is offline Bubhub Ambassador - tongue in cheek
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    Do I think the way I parent will one day have a negative impact on DD when she is an adult?

    I don't think so & I hope not.

    Do I parent in a way that is more benificial for ME than for DD? I.e makes my life easier, rather than theirs?

    I don't think so. I'm fairly stubborn & struck in some respects (manners & when I say no I mean it & if she misbehaves she doesn't get rewarded & rewarding the positives etc) this is not easy for me or DD but i hope it is whats best for her.

    Im fairly relaxed when it comes to her making her own decisions (eg she eats&sleeps when she wants, wears what she wants, plays how she wants etc)
    Again, not easy for me but easy for her.

    I work alot though to make enough money so we can live comfortably.
    This is not easy for me & doesn't seem to bother her. If in the future it does, then I guess she will want to spend more time with her kids which will be good for her family.

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    I don't know. We do the best we can, and that is all we can do. I put my children first for almost everything.

    Two areas I have put myself first is choosing to work part-time instead of being a full-time SAHM. We could afford me to stay home, but I just can't. I love my kids, but I need more interaction/stimulation than being at home 24/7 offers. I feel I am a better mum because of it.

    The other area I put myself first is my health. If I don't have my health, I won't be around for them. I put my kids in the gym creche for an hour and a half on Saturdays and on the days I don't work.

  10. #19
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    Love to hear it gothchick, because it's nice to hear when people are passionate about things and I have said this to my husband before when someone is passionate about a hobby or subject to me they seem happier people in general. My husband turned to me a said well what are you passionate about? I said parenting! Haha but it's true I love reading parenting books and am constantly looking to parent better so our kids are well adjusted people.

    Also I realize the power of letting our children know how loved they are. As for my childhood I was one of 4 raised by my father from 9 years old and look back and feel so loved even with all the bad parenting habits like short fuse etc that he had. He was involved and very loving and let us know that we were his priority. We all had a great relationship with him as adults and I actually feel privileged to be such a humble persons daughter.
    Last edited by Lovejoypeace; 14-04-2012 at 19:57.

  11. #20
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    Sorry I rambled and got off topic but I suppose I'm hoping the parenting mistakes I have made and make will be small compared to the love we let our children know we feel.


 

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