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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by mum2b09 View Post
    Are you serious? Having children should not be a soul reason a couple are together. If you have to give out bl0w jobs to make your relationship work then maybe take some time to look at your own relationship rather giving that sort of advice.
    Expecting my needs to be met while his needs aren't isn't a relationship. It's give and take!

    So because I'm a high risk pg, do not feel comfortable dtd having a prior preemie, I'm a bad person for appreciating my dp and making sure that I don't find p0rn?

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    Quote Originally Posted by MumDadBoyandGirl View Post
    Expecting my needs to be met while his needs aren't isn't a relationship. It's give and take!

    So because I'm a high risk pg, do not feel comfortable dtd having a prior preemie, I'm a bad person for appreciating my dp and making sure that I don't find p0rn?
    If you giving them because you like it, you enjoy it and want to, then by all means, go all day. But if it's under some illusion that men 'need' it, that you owe it to him, or that it will top p0rb or save a relationship, well that's a different story.

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  4. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by MumDadBoyandGirl View Post
    Expecting my needs to be met while his needs aren't isn't a relationship. It's give and take!

    So because I'm a high risk pg, do not feel comfortable dtd having a prior preemie, I'm a bad person for appreciating my dp and making sure that I don't find p0rn?
    "making sure I don't find porn?"
    So if you didn't appreciate your DP and give B.J:s you'd find porn..?
    Honestly? It's a serious question.
    What do you mean by "making sure". Are you responsible for "making sure" your DP doesn't need or want p@rn?

  5. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by MumDadBoyandGirl View Post
    Expecting my needs to be met while his needs aren't isn't a relationship. It's give and take!

    So because I'm a high risk pg, do not feel comfortable dtd having a prior preemie, I'm a bad person for appreciating my dp and making sure that I don't find p0rn?
    Of course you're not a bad person, I don't know how you concluded I said that. But what I'm saying is that there is a hell of a lot more to a relationship than $ex and if you satisfying his sexual needs is what's making your relationship work then I find that really confusing and a bit sad to be honest.

    I'm just going to shake my head at you and bow out of this one now.

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    Thanks everyone, sounds like I'm not the only one experiencing this!

    I don't believe that any man will stop p*rn just because he's getting some sexual satisfaction.

    And I don't believe sex should be a trade off for help. Sex should be because you want to have sexual intimacy with that person, which you both enjoy.

    A lot of men like my DP believes that

    1. It's his right to have personal time. He needs 'to relieve the tension'
    2. All guys do it - it's as meaningful as peeing (his words)
    3. Men are visual
    4. Men have a higher sex drive (this I really don't agree with)
    5. If it wasn't there he wouldn't look at it

    I believe that sex should be a mutual thing, satisfaction for both parties with open awareness as to what the other likes, needs, wants and expects.
    Anything less is disrespectful.

    I don't believe that anyone should stop 'looking after themselves' if needed but if that interfereres with your mutual sex life then there's a problem.

    Which is where I am now, I want to feel sexy and like a girl again and the only person who can help me here is DP. I need help with the baby and time to myself to even shave my legs, let alone go for a run.

    I know how much work it took for me to lose weight before the baby and then I had time for hair conditioning treatments, moisturising waxing etc.

    These things made me feel good and now my body has changed so much I have bad stretch marks and c-section, a pouchy belly and my boobs have gone from a nice D to a ridiculous G cup and are just in the way all the time.

    I know that DP doesn't to p*rn sites and look for 'hot blonde pouchy bellied post pregnant chick covered in baby vomit!

    He says it's fantasy which it may well be but it hurts like heck that fantasy is better than reality and has been put before me and DS.

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    Maybe I am hard, but I would box up the PS3 and give it to a friend to look after for a while, toss out the porn and tell him to pull his finger out. Nobody gave you a baby manual. You don't need "help" with the baby, he needs to start co-parenting his child. This isn't your responsibility with him being required to give you a break. This is both of your responsibility and you have to work together. Why does he get leisure time and you get none. Tell him to man up or bugger off.

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    I wish you were in Sydney, I have a great relationship counsellor!!

    There's no question he's being incredibly selfish, but perhaps looking at 'love languages' might be useful reading for you. We went through it with the counsellor - DH (like a lot of men) falls into the 'physical' category and I'm in 'time'. Understanding how each other expresses love and likes to receive love can be a powerful tool. It might help him understand why his behaviour is so offensive to you.

    The whole concept of 'helping with the baby' annoys the crap out of me too. Its his responsibility, he's not doing you a favour!

    Can you propose a 'no technology' weekend? No TV, no PS3, no computer - just some good quality family time and maybe a take-away dinner for the 2 of you so you can just spend time together to talk? It might make him realise what he's missing out on while spending hours playing games or watching p0rn. If he refuses it might be time for some tough decisions - maybe go to your parents place for a while or ask him to go to his parents for a week or two?

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    He sounds incredibly egocentric and immature. It is NOT your job to meet his wants -he's checked out and I'd wager you could run past him nude bar from a vagazzle and be blowing him till next tuesday and he would still play his games and watch his pron.

    I would move him out for a time and invest in some personal and couples counseling if you want to continue the relationship.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MumDadBoyandGirl View Post
    From personal experience where my dp withdrew because his needs weren't being met is where I was coming from. Having kids can be just as difficult for men and each deal with it differently. Not all men are the same dads, some want to contribute financially, some want to be hands on ect. My dp felt like a sperm donor and that's it. He advised me he wanted for us to be central to the family bit didn't know how to broach this.

    Crying and yelling at him didn't work for me. He became resentful.

    If I was to sit down and talk with dp, it would do more harm than good. Sometimes you need to show someone they are appreciated, whilst appreciating yourself and taking care of you in order to meet in a common ground and really move forward.

    If you want a relationship to work sometimes you need to look beyond your own needs. If he intends not to meet your needs whilst you are trying to meet his, then you need to decide how and if to proceed.
    You dont need to justify your relationship here if its working for you keep on.
    Quote Originally Posted by MumDadBoyandGirl View Post
    Expecting my needs to be met while his needs aren't isn't a relationship. It's give and take!

    So because I'm a high risk pg, do not feel comfortable dtd having a prior preemie, I'm a bad person for appreciating my dp and making sure that I don't find p0rn?
    Many think that their needs come higher than their partners its a common problem in relationships all over.
    Last edited by Mod-pegasus; 14-04-2012 at 10:40.

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    Quote Originally Posted by bohogirls View Post
    Thanks everyone, sounds like I'm not the only one experiencing this!

    I don't believe that any man will stop p*rn just because he's getting some sexual satisfaction.

    And I don't believe sex should be a trade off for help. Sex should be because you want to have sexual intimacy with that person, which you both enjoy.

    A lot of men like my DP believes that

    1. It's his right to have personal time. He needs 'to relieve the tension'
    2. All guys do it - it's as meaningful as peeing (his words)
    3. Men are visual
    4. Men have a higher sex drive (this I really don't agree with)
    5. If it wasn't there he wouldn't look at it

    I believe that sex should be a mutual thing, satisfaction for both parties with open awareness as to what the other likes, needs, wants and expects.
    Anything less is disrespectful.

    I don't believe that anyone should stop 'looking after themselves' if needed but if that interfereres with your mutual sex life then there's a problem.

    Which is where I am now, I want to feel sexy and like a girl again and the only person who can help me here is DP. I need help with the baby and time to myself to even shave my legs, let alone go for a run.

    I know how much work it took for me to lose weight before the baby and then I had time for hair conditioning treatments, moisturising waxing etc.

    These things made me feel good and now my body has changed so much I have bad stretch marks and c-section, a pouchy belly and my boobs have gone from a nice D to a ridiculous G cup and are just in the way all the time.

    I know that DP doesn't to p*rn sites and look for 'hot blonde pouchy bellied post pregnant chick covered in baby vomit!

    He says it's fantasy which it may well be but it hurts like heck that fantasy is better than reality and has been put before me and DS.
    Could you try dressing up sexy? I know its prob the last thing you want to do but it may help you feel better, putting on some sexy lingerie, strut in front of the PS3 and tell him you have something better for him to play with and having a sexy night with him?

    do you have family near that can take baby for a few hours or a night?


 

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