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  1. #11
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    Wow this is a tough one because I know what I would be doing but you're not me so I'm going to try and be really helpful for you. You guys definitely need to talk about this. You deserve better and sa PP'er said, you should not be coming second to porn and a PS3!

    My DH was hiding hardcore porn from me at one point until I found out about it. He promised he'd stay away from it after me yelling and screaming like a lunatic. Needless to say I busted him again and this time I sat him down and explained how awful it made me feel that he did that. I cried and said it made me feel ugly and not wanted. He was so upset to see me like that that I can now vouch and say he doesn't look at porn. I'm sure he has the occassional sneak here and there but at least he's not tossing off infront of a computer which is what was grossing me out in the first place!

    Maybe sit him down and tell him how horrible it makes you feel .. ?

  2. #12
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    Are you dating my ex?????

  3. #13
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    I would chuck his PS3 and p0rn in the bin! That is just ridiculous!

    How can he call himself a father. I'd tell him either he finds some responsibility or your hormones and exhaustion might cause you to do something he'll regret.

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  5. #14
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    DaughteroftheForest is offline Sometimes you have to forget what you want in order to remember what you deserve
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    I could have written that post word for word after DD1 was born! Hugs hon, I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's an awful situation to be in. I agree with the other posters here who have said get some counseling. He needs to realize this behavior is not on. A good relationship is about making each others needs, and foremost the needs of your kids a priority. You shouldn't have to try and barter sexual favors to get him to step up and be a father! On e he figures out that the kids are his job just as. Uh as yours then you can start sorting out the issues of intimacy between you. But seriously, who wants to get jiggly with a useless slob??

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    Quote Originally Posted by Alexander Beetle View Post
    Hon, you guys really need to talk and he needs to understand how this makes you feel. You need his help, not to made to feel threatened. I don't recommend offering b.low jobs in exchange for parenting help. Nor do I recommend performing sex acts if you are feeling unsexy. What kind of a man would want that? Not any decent bloke.
    From personal experience where my dp withdrew because his needs weren't being met is where I was coming from. Having kids can be just as difficult for men and each deal with it differently. Not all men are the same dads, some want to contribute financially, some want to be hands on ect. My dp felt like a sperm donor and that's it. He advised me he wanted for us to be central to the family bit didn't know how to broach this.

    Crying and yelling at him didn't work for me. He became resentful.

    If I was to sit down and talk with dp, it would do more harm than good. Sometimes you need to show someone they are appreciated, whilst appreciating yourself and taking care of you in order to meet in a common ground and really move forward.

    If you want a relationship to work sometimes you need to look beyond your own needs. If he intends not to meet your needs whilst you are trying to meet his, then you need to decide how and if to proceed.
    Last edited by MumDadBoyandGirl; 13-04-2012 at 18:06.

  7. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by MumDadBoyandGirl View Post
    From personal experience where my dp withdrew because his needs weren't being met is where I was coming from. Having kids can be just as difficult for men and each deal with it differently. Not all men are the same dads, some want to contribute financially, some want to be hands on ect.

    If I was to sit down and talk with dp, it would do more harm than good. Sometimes you need to show someone they are appreciated, whilst appreciating yourself in order to meet in a common ground and really move forward.
    I have to disagree with both of your posts, I've been in pretty much the exact same situation as the OP but times two newborns!
    Sometimes I just gave him what I thought he wanted, did it make a difference? Absolutely not! He'd go off and do the same old stuff anyway which ended up him involving other girls which was final straw for me. There are ways to show someone how you care that don't involve meeting their "needs" sexually.
    It's so NO excuse for not helping or fulfilling his responsibility as a parent, this is not just her need but the child also.

    My ex was too immature, he just never cared which is why he is my ex.

    I hope things turn around for you OP xo
    Last edited by brooke88(mum2b09); 13-04-2012 at 18:07.

  8. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by mum2b09 View Post
    I have to disagree with both of your posts, I've been in pretty much the exact same situation as the OP but times two newborns!
    Sometimes I just gave him what I thought he wanted, did it make a difference? Absolutely not! He'd go off and do the same old stuff anyway which ended up him involving other girls which was final straw for me. There are ways to show someone how you care that don't involve meeting their "needs" sexually.
    It's so NO excuse for not helping or fulfilling his responsibility as a parent, this is not just her need but the child also.

    My ex was too immature, he just never cared which is why he is my ex.

    I hope things turn around for you OP xo
    I do agree that not all men are the same. But my dp is not your dp, if my relationship was to fail I would want to know everything possible I could do to try and save it.

    Whether it works or not is another notion. But I would try anything if only for the sake if my kids.

  9. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by MumDadBoyandGirl View Post
    I do agree that not all men are the same. But my dp is not your dp, if my relationship was to fail I would want to know everything possible I could do to try and save it.

    Whether it works or not is another notion. But I would try anything if only for the sake if my kids.
    Are you serious? Having children should not be a soul reason a couple are together. If you have to give out bl0w jobs to make your relationship work then maybe take some time to look at your own relationship rather giving that sort of advice.

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  11. #19
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    It's the chicken and egg argument. Is your relationship broken because of the porn/ps3, or is your hubby using porn/ps3 because your relationship is
    Broken? Only self reflection and a good long chat with hubby will sort that one out.

    Best of luck Hun you don't need that crap when you're pregnant...

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  13. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by MumDadBoyandGirl View Post
    I do agree that not all men are the same. But my dp is not your dp, if my relationship was to fail I would want to know everything possible I could do to try and save it.

    Whether it works or not is another notion. But I would try anything if only for the sake if my kids.
    That makes me sad. Sorry. B.low jobs should be fun for all, not a desperate measure to save a relationship.

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