I have always hated myself. Hated my personality, my body, my boobs, my skin. Just everything. I have TRIED soo hard to like me. I really have. Even if I have such nice clothes and all dressed up I just want to cry at how I feel. Its so bad these days I cant even enjoy doing things I like because I dread seeing pretty girls I dread seeing how gorgeous and slender their bodies are. How beautiful their faces are... even if it is covered in makeup. Its nothing to do with wanting people to like me more just ME. I dont like anything about me and I want to be thin. I want to be able to look in the mirror and love me.
How do you look past the outside and not care? I try and pretend to be all confident (otherwise I wouldnt leave the house) but I just feel like Im always in peoples way, always to big to be near people.
I got so upset last night. My DP just doesnt understand because he loves me the way I am. This is how he has always known me. This is how I have always known me.. Well not this big but always bigger then everyone else.
I will never change. Im too lazy. But I just lok in the mirror and inmagine takign a knife and cutting it all away