They are two individuals. Try as you might to do things the same for both, it isn't going to happen.
To remember you need to keep making a concerted effort to do 1 on 1 time etc long after your second is a newborn and even when your first seems to be be very well adjusted to the change.
That point where the newbie stops sleeping as much and starts needing more from you is precisely the point you need to remember your toddler needs you too
The guilt gets worse, the love gets more, the chaos increases, the joy doubles, the tears are more often, the cuddles are too.
You will always love, like or bond with one or the other, not often at the same time but don't stress they each get their turn.
To not assume if you do "everything differently" second itme around your baby will sleep better earlier. DD1 was a nightmare sleeper and I assumed if we did everything the "right" way 2nd time around DD2 would be a perfect sleeper. She was worse. When I realised that I felt really lost as I'd told myself all through my pregnancy it would be much easier 2nd time around.
And it was in so many other ways. I found it easier to negotiate teething, colic, reflux etc 2nd around. I stopped asking why all the time (as in why is she crying, when will it stop? Etc) and just got on with it, knowing "this too shall pass".
I also assumed DD1 would resent DD2, but she didn't. She adored her sister from the moment she was born, and still does.
Subscribing as No. 2 is on the way
Give the current child a gift from the baby when the baby is born.
My mum had many....many kids and this was always a huge part of a new baby coming home, everyone got a special "I love you, older brother/sister" gift from the new baby on the day we went to visit the new arrival in hospital.
I believe it helps ease the older child's fears about being replaced in their parent's eyes.
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