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    Default Trouble With Postnatal Depression.

    I know I suffer from it, as my gp advised me to take some anti depressants, but I was wondering if it's my relationship/homeifestyle status that is actually causing it?

    I had my first child three months ago, and for the first two months I was practically doing it all on my own as my partner was 1000km's away in a different state. I had pnd then, but when I moved back in with my partner it went away for a week or two but then came back, because it still feels like I'm doing it all on my own.
    I feel so bad, because my partner works night shift and we always get into verbal fights about the responsibility. Is it ok for me to feel like I should be doing 95% of the work plus housework while he works to support us, even though I'm getting government benefits?

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    MilkingMaid is offline Winner 2009 - Mod Award - most supportive member
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    Homelife factors are a HUGE part of PND.

    One of the biggest risk factors is an unsupportive partner, and in NZ they actually treat PND as a family problem, and counsel both the mother and the father about it.

    I was in a similar situation to you, partner who worked away a lot, was basically doing it on my own with no family for support, and didn't want to ask friends, as I felt they had their own problems.

    Is your partner aware of your PND, is he willing to up theamount of support he gives, including doing a fair share of housework, cooking, taking over with bub so you have time out just for yourself?

    Do you have family and or friends to suppport you?

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    Is it ok for me to feel like I should be doing 95% of the work plus housework while he works to support us, even though I'm getting government benefits?

    Do you mean "Is it OK that you DO do 95% or the work etc, or do you really think that you should be doing 95% of the work???

    I think regardless of where the money comes from, both parents made a child together, and both should have equal resonsibility...

    When my ex and I were childless, we both worked fulltime, and we split household stuff/cooking etc 50/50

    However, as soon as I had bub, (which is 2 fulltime jobs I reckon!) over night he seemed to think he no longer had to do anything around the house, and I felt extremely resentful about it, and it definitely contributed to my PND, let alone my exhaustion, which is another factor in PND.

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    Yep, been the, done that... (living away from family and friends, hubby worked nights etc etc) I just simply put my foot down, we argued, talked, cried about how much harder this all was than we thought it would be and we both lowered our standards of housework accordingly. He was great whilst I had PND, (after our chat) and didn't care if I didn't cook, he'd simply offer to get takeaway, or I didn't clean he equally would be supportive.

    Have a good old sit down and chat and hopefully he'll be understanding!

    Sent from my GT-I9000 using BubHub

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    Thanks guys, and in response to your question, I do everything besides cooking, as my partner's sister does that. We have talked about it, but a few hours later it goes back to the same old problems we had. I can't ask family for help as my closest relative lives six hours drive from my location

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    DH is a lot better than he used to be but this is an issue for us too. It's not that he thinks it's my job, it's just that he grew up with his mum doing everything - she never let him in the kitchen and did all the washing etc. As a result he doesn't know how to cook, how to do his washing properly or what needs to be done for the housework. It's frustrating!

    But I have encouraged him to cook and he's getting better at it. He actually enjoys it as his confidence grows. Also, I find I just have to tell him what he needs to do. It's as annoying as hell (can't he see the loo needs cleaning???) but he'll do it if I ask.

    Maybe allocate some things to your DH (like clean the bathroom once a week, make doing the dishes his responsibility etc) and stick to it - don't do it if he doesn't do it so he can see that it's not going to magically happen. If you're doing his washing/ironing, stop doing it and when he runs out of clothes it's his problem. I told DH if he wants me to do his washing while I'm at home he needs to put them in the was baskets - one for whites and one for everything else - and not just dump them on the floor. So if they're on the floor I don't wash them. If he runs out of work shirts, not my problem.

    A baby is hard work. Leave him at home with the baby for a day, tell him you expect X Y Z done when you get home. Hopefully he'll realise it's not all naps on the couch and Dr Phil episodes!

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    Gothel is offline Skip the drama, stay with Mama!
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    relationship &susport is a huge contributor but you also need to watch how you react, how well you cope, how upset you feel at the situation, etc. Pnd lowers your coping thresholds and ups your negative reactions. On phone so can't elaborate, please look after yourself

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    It's a really hard thing when your partner works all the time. Mine is exactly the same and I too suffered from PND. I know there are a lot of contributing factors to PND but it's important to remember it is a medical condition. It makes you feel the way you are feeling!! So when a single thing your husband does makes you so mad you end up crying on the floor. It's the PND. And speaking from experience the medication will help you. It doesnt sedate you as some people told me. I simply helps. At my worst I blamed my husband for everything, going so far as to leave him for almost twelve months. But now that I'm better and off the med's I can look back and see he really didnt do that much wrong. I was just having a breakdown (Mind you he pulls his weight a little more now days!)
    So my advice... Give the med's ago. Talk to your husband, explain how you feel and see a professional together to discuss things without the arguing.
    Good luck!


 

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