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  1. #1
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    Default Would I still talk to my Dad?

    My Dad annoys me- but not just gets to me but really really annoys me. I went away for the weekend and I come in and he thrusts the phone at me to set up the modem with the internet guys. Than today, I ring up to ask him to take some chicken mince out of the freezer. I struggles, moans, whinges so I say, don't worry- I'll do it when I get home. He asks when will I be home? I tell him 'like I told you a minute ago (quite literally) about 4 o'clock. He than huffs and puffs and hangs up on me. I quite possibly hate him. He is a self centered arshole and I'm not sure I'll ever want to speak to him again once I move out.

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    is it just those things...i know small stuff can add up.

    but, if that sort of stuff is the worst of it....

    i would suggest not sweating the small stuff and try and keep things civil

  3. #3
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    ~Marigold~ is offline You make me happy, when skies are grey
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    Sometimes if you hold resentment towards a person for something they have done in the past, the seemingly "little" things like you have described can become magnified and really irk you.
    There are people in my life who I resent due to a number of things they have done over my lifetime and sometimes I can't stand to be in the same room for longer than 5 minutes with them because every little thing they do irritates me so bad. Then I feel guilty because I feel like they only have say or do one tiny thing wrong and I want to scream.. but it's the years and years of resentment I have that does it.
    Could this be the case for you and your dad?

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    i love my mothers, but could never live with them again!
    things change when you move out, id just wait and see

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    Quote Originally Posted by BMJandBaby View Post
    Sometimes if you hold resentment towards a person for something they have done in the past, the seemingly "little" things like you have described can become magnified and really irk you.
    There are people in my life who I resent due to a number of things they have done over my lifetime and sometimes I can't stand to be in the same room for longer than 5 minutes with them because every little thing they do irritates me so bad. Then I feel guilty because I feel like they only have say or do one tiny thing wrong and I want to scream.. but it's the years and years of resentment I have that does it.
    Could this be the case for you and your dad?
    THIS!!! So utterly and completely true for me as well. A trait I learned from my dad and trying really hard not to pass down to my kids.

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    Wow I think you dad is my FIL

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    Nah, these aren't the only things. I suppose it's lots of little things- I can't really remember one big thing. Well, actually- what do you call big?

    He doesn't talk to my older sister because her father wouldn't let him adopt her (her father was a good man and treated us well), this makes family gatherings very awkward.

    He's causing all sorts of problems with his family (my Aunties and cousins) over my Nan's will and house (can see him being a money hungry ****).

    There's other little things as well. Like the fact that he whinged and complained about working, and than when he loses his job he gets all depressed and wont help around the house. If he is angry at Mum for some reason- he'll stay up late at night so he has a fit in order to punish her. He doesn't wear deorderant and his B.O. is really really bad at times- where you can smell him from the other end of the house (we also think this may be why he lost his job- it's unbearable at times), but when we try and tell him- he takes it as an insult. It makes you not want to be around him.

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    Eeep. Sounds like a tough guy to live with. My Dad can be a bit much when you live with him too. I love my parents dearly but would never live with them again. I see them regularly though & living in my own space has given me the opportunity to love & respect them as people AND parents iykwim.

    As for your Dad... Only you can decide if those things are deal-breakers for you. My family is very big on "staying together" - sometimes to its detriment in that people's bad behaviour goes without natural consequences because my folks "don't want to lose anyone" (my oldest brother is an awful awful man who we all suffer the presence of). Families are hard work, so I guess you have to decide if it's worth it for you - do you get enough out of the relationship to continue or does it just suck you dry?

    Sorry for the essay!!

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    No, they probably wont be deal breakers- no. DS has very little male role models and only 1 grandfather so I'd feel rather guilty of depriving him of yet, another male. Although- I will be moving away. Far far away, where we only have to speak to him over the phone or on holidays. I could do that I think.

    For my Mum though? Yes- these may be deal breakers. I think she wants to leave but is afraid of the pain she'll cause us kids (my Dad is the kind of person that would make us choose) and probably scared of the unknown, the actual splitting up the assets and leaving him on his own (he can do very little for himself atm although I have no doubt he'd learn fairly quickly if he had to. I think he plays dumb so he doesn't have to do anything).

  11. #10
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    Aw, that is so so sad for your Mum!! It's good that you've been able to work out in your own mind where your line is.


 

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