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  1. #11
    Gothel's Avatar
    Gothel is offline Skip the drama, stay with Mama!
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    I lately found out a friend was in a similar situation, prior to christmas her DH was texting/being texted by a woman and staying out at night... long story short, she was chasing him and nothing happened... my friend was soooo upset, she went into a depression over christmas and into january, she didn't tell me until it was all over... She eventually believed him that nothing happened, and most importantly, he has taken the steps to prove to her that its all above board... his behaviour has changed and he is putting more effort into her and their relationship...

    One thing that is a really good sign is that she has invited your family over. I know that would be a daunting invitation but why would she say it if there is an affair going on?

    i can understand how upset you would be over this, it was 8-10 weeks before my friend could tell me what was going on and I know for a fact that i am one of the very few that she would confide in.

    I agree with AM, you need to talk to him, and he needs to take steps to restore yur faith what a horrible situation

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  3. #12
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    I do not think that you are over reacting but it may not have physically gone as far as you fear based on the messages you have read but your DH has obviously thought about it going that far given they are flirting eg his 'raincheck' comment.

    You need to sit him down and ask him point blank what has gone on and how he feels about her. If he says that nothing happened and he has no feelings for her then he needs to cut her out of his life completely. If he refuses to do so then you need to decide whether you can continue living your life together with her in it.

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  5. #13
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    Sending big hugs

    I don't think you're over reacting. If it's a joke like he said, it's disrespectful to you. And it's not fair that he's out late at night leaving you with the kids. Even if nothing has happened between them, I think they're playing with fire. I think you need to let him know how you feel and ask him how he would feel if you leave him with the kids to go out to a male friend's house in the middle of the night.

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  7. #14
    AndrewTheEmu is offline Bubhub Ambassador - tongue in cheek
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    pipiemes

    I don't think your over reacting and I don't think your 10 years has been a waste.

    I think you need to make it very clear to your DH that wether it was a joke or not, it is NOT an innocent friendship. Calling And texting another girl at all hours of the day & night joking about sex is NOT okay for a married man. The fact that you don't know her makes it 100 times worse.

    Why hasn't he mentioned her to you? Why has he introduced you two? It's because he has an inappropriate relationship with her. I'm not saying hes been cheating with her (infact TBH I don't think he has) but I do think the flirting that's gone on her is above & behond what is acceptable in a marriage (and DH & I are pretty relaxed, I know people who would divorce over what your DH did, even if there was no touching of any sort)

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    Wow! Im overwhelmed at the support and helpful advice Im getting from this forum. Thank you all so much! Although it sucks to be me right now, Im glad I can read your posts and know that there are other people out there willing to give advice about the situation!...

    I promised myself I wouldnt go through his mobile again .... but I woke up this morning and took a quick look... They're still texting and there were a few late night phone calls aswell. The texts seemed innocent enough, but his mobile has a weird function where if you delete a text message, an empty icon is still there. And he deleted more than one of her messages to him. So whether those ones were innocent or not, I'll never know now....
    I sat him down and pretty much told him that if he valued his marriage and his family, he'd cut all ties with her. He deleted her number off his phone in front of me and promised to stop talking to her for my sanity. I dunno whether its me being way too paranoid now, but I dont think I believe him. He did it all too easily and all too quickly. Like he was only doing it because he wanted me to quit talking about it... She obviously still has his number so all he'd need to do was wait for her to make contact and voila! Her number's back in his phone...
    Anyway, I suppose time will tell whether or not he's truthful about cutting ties with her... Time will also tell whether or not she'll come out alive when I see her in person... (pls disregard the last comment... Im not a violent person...Just a really hurt wife)

    for you all!!

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    Hi,

    I can empathise with how you are feeling right now. I have been burnt recently which I think needs to be said in case I come across as a little angry/tough.

    While I do not know your dh or this woman what I can share is that decent women do not flirt, send multiple texts, call at night or engage in any behaviour that would hurt another mans wife. I know of people who have befriended wives/husbands as part of their plan to continue an affair/start an affair so her inviting you all to a bbq may not be that innocent. Sometimes it's a narcissistic way of checking out the wife or gives the woman a sense of power. As a single mum (newly so) I would never send any married man joking texts about s*x and I would never invite them over for late night anything. I would be giving him a k*ck up the bum and send him home to his wife.

    An innocent man would be calling her in front of you and putting her on loud speaker or giving you her number to call or getting the 2 friends he was with to back his story- anything to directly address your concerns. His defensive behaviour would be troubling me too and I agree that him deleting her number so quickly is odd.

    Trust your instinct- its there for a reason!

    (Hope that wasn't too confronting-I apologise if it was).

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  13. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by BbBbBh View Post
    Hi,



    While I do not know your dh or this woman what I can share is that decent women do not flirt, send multiple texts, call at night or engage in any behaviour that would hurt another mans wife.
    Hi there, no need for apologies... I love your thoughts. As I loved everyone elses. I agree with your comment on a decent woman would not do such things... It played in my head all day... Until 5.45pm tonight when a message came in from her (whether or not this was the first message of the day, I cant tell) but it read "Snob! Haha <3"

    It got me so riled up I decided to call her... Now Im the kind of person who absolutely HATES confrontation, so naturally I was shaking while dialling her number... She answered and as soon as I told her who I was her voice started shaking. I asked her if there was an underlying reason why she constantly texted and called a married man at al hours of the day and night. She proceeded to tell me that there was nothing going on (um-ing and err-ing throughout the conversation) and that she was only bored so asked him to go over for a visit. "Nothing like THAT going on at all" were her words... I calmly and assertively told her to STOP texting and calling my husband and that she'd be sorry if she ever did again. .... Then I hung up.

    I just told DH now... His reaction was REALLY puzzling... An almost sarcastic "Oh wow... ok" Then walked away and closed the garage door behind him... Im shaking a little now as I write this because I dont know what he's going to do. If something was going on with them (emotional affair even) then hed have feelings towards her and might mean Im now in the sh*t because I called her. ...

    Well, just wanted to update you all on my wreck of a marriage... Thanks for reading and commenting.

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    I think your problem is with your husband, not the other woman. He is the person who is married to you and should be respecting you and your relationship. This is the person you should be directing your anger and hurt toward.

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  17. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by babyla View Post
    I think your problem is with your husband, not the other woman. He is the person who is married to you and should be respecting you and your relationship. This is the person you should be directing your anger and hurt toward.
    I agree!

    sorry I have no advice.

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  19. #20
    Gothel's Avatar
    Gothel is offline Skip the drama, stay with Mama!
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    Quote Originally Posted by pipiemes View Post

    Well, just wanted to update you all on my wreck of a marriage... Thanks for reading and commenting.
    FWIW I would probably have done the same, I can take so much and then i blow. You have moved things along now and i am crossing everything that your DH mans up and starts proving he deserves the 'D'

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