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  1. #1
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    Default Over-reaction maybe?

    I've been married to my husband for 9 years this June. Been together just over 10 years. We have 4 beautiful children together and up until recently I thought I was his soul mate. As he is mine.
    He's been staying out late alot... with his mates... I usually trust him not to get into any trouble but two nights ago his explanation of his night was sketchy and just sounded really suspicious... After finding out he spent 2-3hours at another womans house (in between the hours of 1-4am) he immediately went on the defence. Pointing out (way too many times) that he was there with 2 other guys. I didnt believe that this "friendship" of his with this woman was simply platonic. So I looked through his mobile. She's texted him all throughout that day and night asking him to come over for a visit...saying she's bored... other texts were that she was bored... she'll be home in 20mins if he wanted to come over... etc... I checked just one 'sent' message from him to her an it was seemingly all I needed to feel a dagger through my heart. He asked her if he could cash in his "raincheck"...
    It could have been anything right? Wrong. He told me he meant sex. And that it was only a joke. She is merely a friend.
    Being together for 10+ years we've had mutual friends...and our own friends... But NEVER have either of us had non-mutual friends from the opposite sex. And hes revealed that he's been friends with this woman for a while and has always joked to her like that...

    Am I over reacting? Or am I in my right mind to be really cut up about it all.... He told me he was still texting her and there were alot of calls from her in his call log today. Am I just being played for a fool by these two? Im losing my mind here...

    I obviously cant talk to anyone about this because I feel like everyone is having a good old laugh about me... Poor thing waiting at home for her apparently loving husband while he's out with his "friends" in the middle of the night... "visiting" them.

    Has our 10+ years of being together just gone down the drain or shall I just accept it was an innocent joke and that he's not actually going to follow through with this "raincheck" business?

    Please help...

  2. #2
    Buttoneska's Avatar
    Buttoneska is offline Winner 2010- Most Community Minded Thread Award
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    i dont think you are over-reacting - i think you should trust your gut.



    who knows the full details, but it certainly seems like more then friends and not completely honest.

    im so sorry, I feel sick for you - I have been in that sitaution with my ex and it blows.

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  4. #3
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    MilkingMaid is offline Winner 2009 - Mod Award - most supportive member
    Question those who don't question authority
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    You really need to talk to him. Even get him to read what you've just written. I think you are totally justified to be feeling awful.

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    You have every right to be concerned. What you describe is not innocent. I would be fuming if my dh acted that way.

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    Thanks so much for your replies. I keep breaking out into tears and have been constantly hiding from my kids when that happens. My eldest son (9yrs) noticed my eyes were red and knew that my "hayfever" excuse was getting a little too far fetched... I cant let him (or anyone I know personally) read this... Its too embarrassing. She even texted him saying "thanks for tonight... Im thinking of having a BBQ next week. You can bring your family"... ?? ... I did abit of stalking on facebook and found her page. After 4 kids I went from a sz 8 to a sz14 and I can barely find the time to make myself up... All of my effort goes into making my children look nicely dressed, neat, tidy, etc... So I havent really cared about my own appearance in a while... But seeing her pic on her profile made me think... She's a sz10 at least. Tall. Nicely done hair. Wears make up. The whole shebang... Im embarrased because she's prettier, skinnier and although is a mum of 2 kids, is single....

    Thanks again for your replies. I feel just that little bit better knowing that there are other people out there who now know what Im going through.

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    I don't think your overreacting either!!! Even if it was meant as a joke, which I'm not sure it was, he has still been keeping the friendship a secret which in my book is a big no no!!! Why does he feel the need to hide the friendship and how would he feel if you did the same and "joked" in the same manner. I would be furious. I think you might need to dig deeper here and get to the bottom of it with your hubby. Sending you big hugs!!

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    In no way are you over-reacting and your story breaks my heart. No advice here but I'm hoping things work out the best for you and your family.

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    First up massive hugs!!!

    No way overreacting it sounds suss, suss, suss!!!

    As hard as it is try and compose yourself and have a chat with your DH, let him know how your feeling, if he acts defensive or sketchy or tries to turn it onto you, you know there's more to it.

    If he comforts you and sympathies with your feelings and is an open book then you can with through this.

    Why has he never mentioned her before? How does he know her? Does he believe there is problems in your marriage?

    He might be having an emotional affair with her and you finding out might push you guys to sort out anything going on in your relationship?

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  15. #9
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    ~Marigold~ is offline You make me happy, when skies are grey
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    I can't even begin to imagine how you must be feeling No, you are certainly not over-reacting at all.
    This woman is playing with fire. How dare she? Who does she think she is, messing around with a married man and father of 4? Grrrr this makes my blood boil!
    As for you husband, I wonder how he'd feel if you "joked" about having sex with another man? Not to mention if you stayed out until all hours of the morning at another man's house!

    Don't doubt your instincts. I personally would not give a damn what other "people" thought of me or if they were having a laugh about me sitting at home being played like a fool. If anyone supported his behaviour then they are not worth being concerned over.

    I would call her, but that's just me! I'd be fuming and I'd give her a piece of my mind, that's for sure.
    You need to ask yourself if your marriage is worth it. He is far from healing this relationship as he needs to take the first step and admit that he has cheated for you to even begin to resolve this. If it can be resolved without divorce.. that's something the two of you will need to consider.
    Last edited by ~Marigold~; 06-04-2012 at 20:56.

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  17. #10
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    not overreacting at all! thats extremely inappropriate 'flirting/joking' for someone in a relationship!

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