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  1. #1
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    Default Aspergers in adults.

    Ok so Im not trying to start any arguments I am really curious about adults with aspergers because a really good friend of DP's appears to have it IMO. Ever since I have known X he has always seemed odd and I have never been able to put my finger on exactly why.

    As we have had a lot of publicity about autism lately and (as stereotypical as I am sounding) quite a few TV shows now have character with aspergers, I noted down certain personality traits of X and at the same time I seemed to be crossing off each trait of someone with AS. I dont want to seem like I am jumping to conclusions or blowing things out of proportion, but X has shown a lot of interest of wanting to go into business with us and if he does have it then I would like to know that would mean.

    This is what I am talking about:
    • he seems to have trouble with empathy, cant understand anything from anyone elses point of view.
    • super intelligent and when he is interested in something he needs to know EVERYTHING about it.
    • has trouble in social situations where someone will make a joke but he will take it literally and you get a 1/2 explanation on what he thought you were talking about ie: i walk into the shed and hear them talking about "how long it is" knowing full well they are talking about an actual tool, and I say "I'm sure its that big", everyone but this person got the joke but X went on to explain why the tool was as big as it was. IYKWIM
    • acts before he thinks a lot of the time and when told why he shouldnt do that, sulks, goes home, and comes bac the next day having seemingly researched said topic to find out why it was wrong or why a different approach was better and how it can be improved in the future.
    • When he is set on doing something that is all he can think about.
    • His life revolves around his one passion and nothing else is important.
    There is more to list but you get the idea. I have learnt to accept this person as being like this over time but I had a lightbulb moment the other day and suddenly thought mybe aspergers. The main reason I am concerned about it is the fact he wants to start a business with us and his behaviour is something I am worried about. We havent even agreed to it and he is buying stuff for this business.

    So if anyone has aspergers or knows more about it, does it sound like X has it? If so, should we bring it up with him? we dont think it has occured to anyone else not even him, although everyone else says he is different but no one has thought about why he is different.

    As I said, I dont know anything about it, just what I have seen on TV and read. The more I read the more I genuinely do think he might have it.

  2. #2
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    I have 2 nephews with aspergers so I am a little acquainted with it. I would tend to agree that this person exhibits a number of charteristics associated with ASD, but to be honest without an expert diagnosis I wouldn't say anything specifically about your suspicion that he has ASD. He also sounds like he has symptoms of OCD, which isn't ASD but can be similar.

    I would definitely sit down with him and discuss this business arrangement with him before he gets in too deep as you may find the friendship damaged permanently. Maybe you and your DH could just say you don't feel comfortable entering into a business relationship with a friend, or something like that.

    ASD isn't something most people would like to be told, particularly not by someone who isn't a health professional.

    Good luck.
    Last edited by Sonja; 06-04-2012 at 16:13.

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  4. #3
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    Whether or not he has aspergers (and he may) do you really want to go into business with someone who acts before thinking & has limited empathy? I'd seriously recommend against going into business with someone like that.

    Businesses with others are hard enough to run without one part of the partnership having significant social issues. Remember you need to communicate & be on the same page about LOTS of things.

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  6. #4
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    I have a few friends with Aspergers, and have also taught a number of students with Autism Spectrum Disorders.
    To me, although of course I couldn't diagnose anyone, he certainly sounds like an aspie.

    One person in particular, a good friend of mine, has Aspergers. I've known him for almost 10 year now (since we were at high school) but only found out a couple of years ago that he has Aspergers. It explains SO much about his personality, and why a lot of people find him difficult to deal with.
    Difficulty understanding social situations, inability to understand non-literal meaning, obsessions with particular topics are classic aspie traits. I've also found the long-winded, one-sided 'conversations' to be very common...which of course makes sense if you obsess about topics and find social situations difficult.

    Whether or not you should bring it up would depend so much on the individual. He's probably well aware of the things he does which are unusual. If it's causing him problems and he wants to learn to get by better in social situations, then it could be beneficial to discuss the possibility with him. But I'd be cautious about bringing it up unless you think he'd be receptive and that there might be benefits to it.

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    My ex had all the diagnosable traits of adult Aspergers, but despite trying to talk to him numerous times he was in constant denial, as I think any adult would be. His main give aways where his social anxiety, total lack of empathy (especially when he gave me herpes), his high iq in both music and information technology, his hate of being touched, to the point we would only have sex and cuddles on a friday night after he was high on drugs and also when ever I pulled him up on how his actions affected me he would turn very aggressive.

    My friend sent me a great link to adult aspergers on the better health website (sorry I can't link as I'm on my phone) but I would suggest reading that for yourself before bringing this topic up with anyone else. Her son has aspergers and her and her husband were able to pick it up in my ex before I even mentioned it to her.

    I think as it is a relevantly new disorder there are a lot of undiagnosed adults out there unfortunately and many are simply diagnosed as depressed and/or with social anxiety as my ex was. He had been on Prozac and Valium for many years before I met him as well as self medicating with crystal meth simply to cope day to day and as for running a business, well he was pretty bad as his social skills where non existent.

    Hope that helps and feel free to ask any questions you may have.

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    I guess it depends on the severity. If these traits are mild than it could be manageable. You never know, if he's buying things for a business you're yet to agree on, it might be a passion of his and therefore he will probably be very good at it and invest a lot of energy into because he is 'fixated' on it

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  11. #8
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    thank you all so much. I havent been able to get on the computer all weekend. It has been so hectic!!!
    Thank you to everyone who replied. The information has been so helpful. I dont think teling him "hey I think you have aspergers" is the way to go either, especially since a while ago I mentioned something about special needs kids at DD1 school and the teachers find them hard to handle some times because they have trouble understanding cause and effect. He just said "nonsense, no such thing, give them a whack and they will remember that next time they do it." So I really dont think he will be receptive of my thoughts.
    I guess I am just after comfirmation of my own suspicions of sorts. I have been really hesitant to agree to business partnership because of his behaviour etc.. I still dont like the idea fully but as someone else said he is really super passionate about it so you never know. Either way it is way off being a reality. If it does go ahead major legals and contracts are gong to be done first.

    Having read a bit now I think everything makes sense in the way he is. I'm not saying he has got it but at least now I understand that he may not realise his actions and behaviour isnt always appropriate if he does actually have it.

    Again, thank you so much. I didnt want to seem presumtious. I just felt like a huge lightbulb went off and thought BINGO that explains it and wanted to know more

  12. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Berrie View Post
    wow! that is him to a T


 

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