Is this just the way general depression works?

**SassyMummy** · 05-04-2012 19:54

Okay so I've been medicated for depression and anxiety since 2009. I always thought my major issue was anxiety, with the depression mostly just being a side-effect of undiagnosed anxiety that went a bit out of control.

Anyway, lately I've noticed that one tiny pointless thing can end in ruining my whole mood.

Like I'm fine... all day... then sometimes random and stupid and unimportant happens, but it's a tiny bit annoying or whatever, and then I am REALLY MISERABLE. Like unnaturally so.

Today, for example, DP and I were talking about housework, and I told him, "I'm not your slave," and it was kinda light-hearted at this point, but then he said, jokingly, "If you were my slave I'd have beaten you for not doing your job by now..." and even though it was joking and the way the conversation had been going, and I had been playing along, I snapped and was in a foul mood. So foul I drove away, without saying anything (something I never ever do) and just stayed out for 3-4 hours, angry and cursing him and thinking how much I hate him and stuff... and even at one point, when I was stopped on a bridge, I looked over the side (from my car) and thought about how people jump, and what it'd feel like if I did... if it'd hurt and if you'd die on impact or whatever... and for a SPLIT second, I thought, "I should turn off my car and go do it."

I wasn't seriously considering suicide, like I said, it was a split second, but I was feeling SO DOWN that I was even thinking like that in the first place, and that's weird. Surely?

It happens often lately. It's not just DP, it can be anything. It could be me finding that a bill is a few dollars more than I thought it'd be, or a train being late, or not being able to find a lipstick I want or something... and then I am miserable... like laying in bed, not wanting to get up, hating the world, feeling like getting drunk and sleeping the week away or something... and just generally feeling really really sucky... abnormally sucky for the small things that set me off.

I'm not constantly down though... other times I am quite elated. Small things will "make my day," but I never figured that to be unusual... I guess because small things amuse small minds. lol. But now it's like one moment I'll be all happy and thinking about how happy I am and how much I love DP and how good things are going... then some small unimportant minor annoyance and I'm looking at the bridge thinking about how it'd be to jump off it and cease to exist. It's not normal, surely?

I dunno what I want out of posting this... but I needed to say something because it's beginning to freak me out a bit. Should prob go to the GP and go see a psych again... but my meds have been working well up until recently, and they keep my anxiety at bay... and my "depression," previously was not like this... it was a constant downer... not all over hte place and triggered by the most stupid things. It was just constant... now it's crazy and freaky.

Anyone ever felt like this?

**Jakois** · 05-04-2012 19:57

What meds are you taking Sass?
Maybe it's time for a review?

**twotrunks** · 05-04-2012 20:02

Hugs x
Sounds like a review is well in order, 3 years is a while to be medicated without considering whether it's still Needed... And those mood swings sound Pretty fierce. Maybe ask about thyroid stuff too, esp whether your operation could have interfered with it. Or with your mess for that matter.
I am currently on lexapro, and find it amazing that a side effect of it is actually depression/suicidl thoughts. I think you should really discuss with doc ASAP. Xx

**AlmostBabyTime** · 05-04-2012 20:07

I'm still new to the whole world of depression but your signature shows that you have lost lots of weight - well done by the way. Could that be affecting your hormones and the way your body accepted the meds compared to now? I don't know if I'm of track completely or not

**SassyMummy** · 05-04-2012 20:23

My thyroid is all good... I keep getting blood tests to check everything's all good.

I'm on zoloft now, but was on Lexapro for much longer. I stopped my meds for about 4 months but realised I needed to go back on them... my anxiety was still nuts, so I went back. The anxiety has settled since taking them again, but now I feel like a nutter with this extreme anger just randomly coming on.

**starflame** · 05-04-2012 21:07

Sassy..Ive been in that position. I think maybe you might need to get a review and possibly your meds increased? Either way I definitely think you should talk to someone about how youre feeling. All it takes is one split second to make a bad decision. I hope you start feeling better soon

**Hers&Hers** · 05-04-2012 21:20

Sassy the answer would be sort off, you might need your meds increased a bit. I suffer from these sudden mood change except mine last days sometimes weeks, I just came out of a 3 day one where every little thing irritates me, you can say hello to me and it would be ww3 I usually manage mine with counceling just haven't been lately after moving and all.

**~Marigold~** · 05-04-2012 21:22

I can SO relate. I'm always putting it down to anger management issues (besides my usual anxiety and depression.. and much like you, the anxiety seems to be my main constant, the depression just occurs because of my anxiety, if that makes sense) but I don't know for sure what the problem is; I get absolutely furious over the smallest thing, exactly like you said, will be totally fine one minute and seething with rage the next. And it's DH who cops it the most. Then I feel massive guilt for losing my temper with those around me. At my old job my friends used to jokingly call me 'Defenso' as often I'd take the smallest comment to heart and and up all defensive

I've been there with the suicide thoughts as well; but like you described, only briefly and just out of pure frustration and anger..
I don't take medication but if I were I'd expect it to be balancing out my moods, which doesn't seem to be the case with you lately... definitely have a review done if possible.
Good luck and you're not alone!

**~Marigold~** · 05-04-2012 21:34

Originally Posted by twotrunks

Hugs x

I am currently on lexapro, and find it amazing that a side effect of it is actually depression/suicidl thoughts. I think you should really discuss with doc ASAP. Xx

That's just plain scary. A close family member has been on Lexapro for years and only recently switched to Elaxine due to severe depression increasing. How disturbing that an "anti" depressant can cause suicidal thoughts.

Another family member took her life only months after starting medication for depression.. (a chemical imbalance, her doctor told her) I've always felt that it had something to do with it.

**SassyMummy** · 05-04-2012 21:44

Thanks everyone. I'm glad I'm not alone.

I'll def book in to see my GP and see if I can get a referral to see the pysch again. I saw her when I was originally diagnosed and she and the GP together decided to put me on meds (I had to sign something to say she they were allowed to discuss me between themselves)... but then after a while lexapro wasn't working, so went to zoloft and that was good... but yeah, I guess it's not doing something right if I'm feeling so back and forth all the time.

I guess I prob won't be able to see my GP for a week or so... but hopefully soon anyway.