Okay so I've been medicated for depression and anxiety since 2009. I always thought my major issue was anxiety, with the depression mostly just being a side-effect of undiagnosed anxiety that went a bit out of control.
Anyway, lately I've noticed that one tiny pointless thing can end in ruining my whole mood.
Like I'm fine... all day... then sometimes random and stupid and unimportant happens, but it's a tiny bit annoying or whatever, and then I am REALLY MISERABLE. Like unnaturally so.
Today, for example, DP and I were talking about housework, and I told him, "I'm not your slave," and it was kinda light-hearted at this point, but then he said, jokingly, "If you were my slave I'd have beaten you for not doing your job by now..." and even though it was joking and the way the conversation had been going, and I had been playing along, I snapped and was in a foul mood. So foul I drove away, without saying anything (something I never ever do) and just stayed out for 3-4 hours, angry and cursing him and thinking how much I hate him and stuff... and even at one point, when I was stopped on a bridge, I looked over the side (from my car) and thought about how people jump, and what it'd feel like if I did... if it'd hurt and if you'd die on impact or whatever... and for a SPLIT second, I thought, "I should turn off my car and go do it."
I wasn't seriously considering suicide, like I said, it was a split second, but I was feeling SO DOWN that I was even thinking like that in the first place, and that's weird. Surely?
It happens often lately. It's not just DP, it can be anything. It could be me finding that a bill is a few dollars more than I thought it'd be, or a train being late, or not being able to find a lipstick I want or something... and then I am miserable... like laying in bed, not wanting to get up, hating the world, feeling like getting drunk and sleeping the week away or something... and just generally feeling really really sucky... abnormally sucky for the small things that set me off.
I'm not constantly down though... other times I am quite elated. Small things will "make my day," but I never figured that to be unusual... I guess because small things amuse small minds. lol. But now it's like one moment I'll be all happy and thinking about how happy I am and how much I love DP and how good things are going... then some small unimportant minor annoyance and I'm looking at the bridge thinking about how it'd be to jump off it and cease to exist. It's not normal, surely?
I dunno what I want out of posting this... but I needed to say something because it's beginning to freak me out a bit. Should prob go to the GP and go see a psych again... but my meds have been working well up until recently, and they keep my anxiety at bay... and my "depression," previously was not like this... it was a constant downer... not all over hte place and triggered by the most stupid things. It was just constant... now it's crazy and freaky.
Anyone ever felt like this?