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  1. #1
    Buttoneska's Avatar
    Buttoneska is offline Winner 2010- Most Community Minded Thread Award
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    Default For those who have been in my situation how did you adjust/cope?

    My mum died when I was younger and I am pretty much 'ok with it' for want of a better description.

    But since getting pregnant I am missing the mother/daughter relationship or what I imagine it would be like at this time.

    I have a great sister who has children and we talk about stuff and I have another sister is a midwife and wonderful help. Of course I have the hubbers who answer all my crazy questions and lots of mates who are super excited for us. My dad is thrilled.

    I just, I dunno - I imagine that being pregnant would be the most amazing time to share with your mother. Its like full circle kinda thing.

    It just makes me a bit sad - well alot sad really.

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    Haven't been in your situation exactly but wanted to send some big hugs.

    My mother has some serious health issues. My DS is 18 months and my greatest wish at the moment is just for her to still be around when he starts school. I hate to admit this, but I already get little pangs of jealousy when I see other Mums out with their school-aged kids and their healthy-looking grandmother.

    I think it's great that you are so close to your sister and Dad, you'll get a lot of really invaluable advice from them. Do you have any Aunts you could talk to as well?

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    Big hugs from me. I lost my mum when I was 21 and like you had accepted things, but I still felt very sad when I was pregnant and still do now. It makes me sad that I can't just call my mum about things that ds has done, and unfortunately nobody call ever fill that gap.

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    Haven't relllt been in the same spot I lost my dad when I was 15 and I still can't help but think about how he and DH would have gotten on and how he would have taken to my DS's
    Big hugs

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    SpecialPatrolGroup is offline T-rex is cranky until she gets her coffee.
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    Some days when I go out to the shopping centre and see the other mummies with their mummies, helping out with the kids etc, it is just like a knife to the heart. I guess I just acknowledge that it hurts and try to remember all of the other good things ii have in my life. And sometimes I feel a bit smug when I see women my age getting irritable with their mums treating them like children (not so charitable, but I think I have earned the odd uncharitable thought).
    Big hugs to you.

    Sent from my HTC Desire using BubHub

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    Forgot to say in terms of adjusting I don't think you really do. I feel sad when I hear about friends sharing things with their mums or when it's ds birthday or when I think about how much she would adore him. It hurts and it sucks and it always will but I try to share things with the rest of my family instead.

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    Yeah, me too. My mum died 7 years ago and I am sort of "used to it" but it would just be better if she was here now that I have DD. She was particularly perceptive and insightful and would have had wonderful ideas to help me be a great parent.

    I have her photo next to my bed and I believe she is still with me. I talk to her a bit, but find the conversation to be tragically one-sided.

    This might sound weird, but I did go to a psychic / medium before I was pregnant, and she said that my kids' spirits were with my mum and she was looking after them and getting to know them before they arrived. Same with my brother's kids too. Obviously I have no concrete way of knowing whether that's true or not, but I like to believe it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Buttoneska View Post
    My mum died when I was younger and I am pretty much 'ok with it' for want of a better description.

    But since getting pregnant I am missing the mother/daughter relationship or what I imagine it would be like at this time.

    I have a great sister who has children and we talk about stuff and I have another sister is a midwife and wonderful help. Of course I have the hubbers who answer all my crazy questions and lots of mates who are super excited for us. My dad is thrilled.

    I just, I dunno - I imagine that being pregnant would be the most amazing time to share with your mother. Its like full circle kinda thing.

    It just makes me a bit sad - well alot sad really.
    Yes I know exactly how you feel. My mum died 12yrs ago. She wasn't here to see me get married or have my children. She's supposed to be here to lend a hand and enjoy her grandchildren but she isn't. Some nights i just cry and cry for her. It doesn't get easier, I think you just become better at dealing with it. It's terribly unfair she isn't here. I was very close to my mum and would do anything to have her back and I get so upset when hearing about others that don't get along with their mums or say horrible things about their mums, makes me so angry and sad. You only have one mum and she won't be here forever so cherish her! My niece was conceived at the time she passed so I see it as a reincarnation. She is very much like my mum as it turns out and I am very close to her. When she was 2yrs old she used to tell her mum that nanna Angela had visited her and even described her. It was quite freaky and a 2yr old wouldn't make that stuff up, I do believe she is looking over us and find comfort in that.
    Last edited by Blessedwith3boys; 05-04-2012 at 17:42.

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    I just got home from my dads funeral. Hugs. I feel it now to. I was just thinking about DD and what that's going to be like.

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    I totally know how u feel! My mum passed away when I was 18 and I got married at 20 and had my first kid at 21. I was so close with her and always think about how different things would be if she were still alive. Sometimes I envy those mums who have their loving mothers helping them at home with the kids or even just having their company. I miss that. It's been 7 years and I have four kids now and I still cry sometimes because that's how much I miss her. The feeling gets worse because I have the most cold and ill- hearted MIL who treats all her children like angels and treats me like rubbish. I mean, cut me some slack, doesn't she know how hard it is being a young mum doing it on your own?? Times like this I wish she was here.


 

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