Some people will just never understand....

**Jakois** · 05-04-2012 15:51

It does seem like you are really struggling with forum life at the moment.

Whilst I'm not aware of the actual issues with you and some others, I really do think you need some help to sort through your feelings.

Do you have a support network around you?

**fichicken** · 05-04-2012 15:54

Hmmmm I'm a mum of a SN dd and I would never wish it upon anyone but still have so much repect for any mother. Mums that work full time on particular something that I could never manage even with a well child. I think we all need to be supportive of each othe and in the OP case I doubt that counselling would be of great help as talking to someone never fixes the physical problems in your life just the emotional ones.

**pinkphantom** · 05-04-2012 15:56

OP - I think you need to stop worrying so much about people's negative comments (or what you view as negative comments) people are always going to speak their mind & wether you chose to pay attention to them & be hurt by them or listen & take advice from them is entirely up to you. Only you know your own child & only you know how difficult your own situation is & how to deal with it, no - one can 100 % understand how your feeling/what your going through because although people might be going through something very similar they are not you or your child.

You need to surround yourself with supportive, loving & understanding people & i also think you need lots of these

**DesperatelySeekingSleep** · 05-04-2012 15:59

I have no idea what this other thread people are refering to (and have no desire to) but I get what your point is. Some people try to be empathetic by saying they know how you feel yet in doing so you actually feel ripped off because they cant possibly know how you feel unless they have been in that situation.
The closest I can come to having a sick child ishaving a prem baby on CPAP for a few days. I hope that is the worst it gets. I thought we had it rough with her hooked up to so many tubes and wires etc but after seeing the other babies in NICU so much smaller and way sicker I now tell everyone that we are really lucky she has done so well with no long term problems that we know of.
But as for people saying I know how you feel.. When DP's dad died so many people said the same thing to him and they hadnt lost a parent. He said he would rather people not say that and say I'm sorry he died, I cant understand how you are feelng because I have never been through that but I'm thinking of you. (especially if they say "I know how you feel, my dog died last week)
But as for you wanting people to be greatful for and to cherish their healthy kids.. I do, I really do. I have seen the emotional turmoil some mums go through with really sick kids and hope I am never one, because I assume what the parents and family let people see is nothing compared to how they feel.

**SpiritofaWarrior** · 05-04-2012 17:15

Hi OP. Though I am not a SN mum, this kind of thinking can be applied to every other issue we all have to face in our lives. Unfortunately, it is very rare for a person to be able to truly understand something unless they go thru it themselves. For example, as the PP said, the loss of a loved one. How can someone totally understand unless they are going thru it themselves? I had no idea what being a mum was all about, until I became one.
The only advice i can give you is try to look at it from another point of view. Dont be angry at ppl bc they 'dont get it', but I dont think you are really angry at ppl as such. Its the situation that makes you angry, and that I can totally understand.

**Zombie_eyes** · 05-04-2012 17:22

Originally Posted by fichicken

Hmmmm I'm a mum of a SN dd and I would never wish it upon anyone but still have so much repect for any mother. Mums that work full time on particular something that I could never manage even with a well child. I think we all need to be supportive of each othe and in the OP case I doubt that counselling would be of great help as talking to someone never fixes the physical problems in your life just the emotional ones.

i have to disagree, my therapist helped me a great deal with dealing with the dx of both of my children.

**4underfour** · 05-04-2012 18:34

OP, I don't have a seriously ill child so I don't know what it is like. But I can only imagine how tough it is

. I don't know how I would cope, I like to think that I would because I had to.....
What specifically have other parents said to upset you? That you aren't doing a good job? I hate to say it but if someone told me that they wished I had a sick child so 'I knew what it was like' I would be offended too. You say that you don't wish that but that is what you are saying. What do you expect people to think you mean?
Nobody that doesn't have an ill child will know what it is like. But that doesn't mean other mums don't have their own difficulties. Personally I try not to get into the 'who has it toughest' competition as it gets other mums upset. Believe me, when mums whinge about how hard it is with their 'one' baby I have to hold my tongue to stop telling them they don't know what hard is. But it isn't worth it.

I can really understand that you are feeling frustrated that other mums take their well children for granted but it isn't worth the emotional pain to get too upset about it. They will never know.

**our3boys** · 05-04-2012 19:01

Big hugs to you as you really sound like you need it, my 2nd son was born with tetrology of fallot so I can kinda understand where you are coming from emotionally wise thankfully he had a successful operation at 5 months and only had minor health problems since. Sounds like your little mans is a bit more complex I really hope you can get some emotional help and have a good support system around you.

**SassyMummy** · 05-04-2012 19:04

I think most people are glad they don't understand - I know I am.

I know it'd be easier for me if people understood what it was like to have an anxiety disorder but given I understand how difficult it can be to live with at times, in a way, I'm glad they don't as well...

OP, you've been pretty negative in your posting lately, and it sounds like you're having a crap time. Maybe take some time out for yourself away from the computer (because it seems like it's not providing you with anything beneficial lately) and focus on doing something for yourself.

I'd definitely recommend seeing someone... you don't need to be insane to talk to someone, and it sounds like you could use an ear...

***Cj*** · 06-04-2012 10:09

Originally Posted by mumof2boys00

Its funny how people with healthy children take stuff for granted, Im not saying they don't know what its like but until they walk in the shoes that mums similar to I have walked they really shouldn't be so judging. Some people are like yeh I knnow whats its like to have a seriously ill child because I had a misscariage and its similar, well not really, Ive also had a miscarriage and a seriously ill child or one who is still born is a completely different kettle of fish. Some mothers have critized me for saying I wish they had a sick child so they knew how I felt. its funny they think I am wishing illness upon their child, NOT AT ALL, I just wish They walked a day in my shoes before they judgee me so harshly, haha I know alot of women would fall crying to pieces on the floor if they had to deal with what we as parents have, you know I will not be brought down despite my child having severe heart conditions and in and out of hospital I think for being able to monitor his condition well and make all his appointments and keep him out of hospital we must be doing a fabulous job!! We are great parents and I'd like to see other women with healthy children suddenly have this thrown in their face and deal so strongly with it!

That must be so hard for you