Last edited by PomPoms; 04-12-2012 at 20:41.
I would be uncomfortable with my DH having conversations about our s.ex life with a girl he'd previously had an online fling with. I think that's inappropriate and there's a risk of it going further. And I'd view her saying she's going to miss s.ex when her DP goes away as fishing for him to come to the cyber rescue.
I would feel differently if it was an actual offline friend rather than an ex cyber fling.
I would have a hard time trusting DH in that situation, especially if he hides messages. I don't know whether that's fair or not, but that's how I'd feel.
Could you talk to your DH about agreeing on boundaries with this friendship? Like no discussing their s.ex lives.
Yep i don't blame you for being concerned. Their conversations shouldn't be as initmate particularly about you and yopur DPs sex life. He is crossing a line IMO. I don't ness think they are doing anything but i think there is a fair chance of them flirting even innocently.
The biggest problem i see with all of this is that he doesn't appear to be respecting your relationship or you based on how he interacts with this woman. He might just like the ego boost she gives him but thats besides the point. The intimate details of your relationship shouldn't be part of their conversations.
I have to wonder how impressed he would be if you talked about your relationship with him with a man you used to sleep with
I agree, i would not be happy at all if i found my DP doing this. And I have no idea on how he thinks you are meant to be ok with him chatting to a girl he use to have cyber s.ex with?
If i did find out something like this, i would like to see the conversation... he is offering it so why not have a read, it may put your mind at ease who knows? but i would tell him how you feel... him telling her about your se.x life is not on, and if you feel as though she is trying to repeat their past while her partner is away then you have every right to say that. He is asking you if you trust him? his actions are what are making you struggle to trust, ask him how he would feel if he found you chatting to some guy the you once dated or had cyber s.ex with? Guys never really think until it happens to them.
hope it all works out ok.
Last edited by NowWhoWantsPie?; 05-04-2012 at 14:30.
He should not be talking about your sexual relations to another girl. That is disrespectful.
Ask yourself this - she dosen't seem like a close friend or really even an aquaintance, so WHY is he 'chatting' to her in the first place ? seems really suss & inappropriate to me ... he might not be up to anything now but i would nip it in the bud before it goes too far
Something 'innocent' can turn very quickly, they obviously have an emotional connection due to their past internet fling... I don't blame you questioning your trust for him in this situation.
My DP had a casual fling (before dating me) and obviously became friends with the chick on FB. I had known about her due to being just friends before our romance bloomed and I knew that they still chit-chatted on line. I wasn't sure how I felt or what to do because I didn't want to be labelled as insecure or anything. I ended up saying to him that I valued our relationship alot and felt uncomfortable with him still being in contact with her. I asked him to 'de-friend' her. He didn't say anything for a few days and then when I looked at his FB i noticed she was gone...
Be honest with your DP about how it makes you feel and as NowWhoWantsPie said - how would he feel if the tables were turned? He needs to take steps to make sure he's not putting the relationship on rocky-roads and if he won't offer you that reasurrance then perhaps you need to re-evaluate the relationship.
By him saying 'you can see the conversation' he may also be trying to lure you into a false sense of security & dosen't actually expect you to look at it. Bet you anything that if you went up to him & said 'ok i want to see it' he would try & make you feel guilty by saying 'you don't trust me, your over reacting etc' but please know that it's not YOU, he is the one acting strangely & if the shoe was on the other foot, he would react exactly the same ...
How do you know he isn't deleting 'certain' parts of the conversation as he's typing. Obviously there is a chance he is completely innocent but i'm sorry, i can't think of any innoccent reason they should be even talking in the first place ....
I would even go as far as to check his chat history (without him knowing) it might sound a bit sneaky & dishonest but as far as i'm concerned, monogamy is more important than trust in a relationship. A friend of mine was in a relationship for 11 years & worshipped the ground her partner walked on, thought he was the most wonderful, trustworthy & loving human being in the world. She then found out that for 6 years of their relationship he had been with another woman (he worked away interstate a lot) & she had 2 kids by him & she had no idea he was with my friend ...
You can never be too careful
Remember to listen to your gut feeling too...... 99% of the time its right!
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