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  1. #1
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    Default How did you know when to give up on trying make it work

    As the title suggests how did you know when to stop trying to make it work?
    Dh has told me that he wants out of the marriage but I don't know if I can let go.
    Some background
    Together 10 years
    Married 5 in may
    He cheated on me 2 years ago
    We break up nearly every year
    2.5kids (one on the way)

    I just cannot see myself being able to do it without him. But I am sick of trying to make him want to be with me. But not sick enough to not love him. I've put so much into this marriage and relationship I don't know if I can stop trying to make him love me again.

    Sorry if it's a ramble of thoughts it's only new feelings.

    But after advice or experience or what ever you can share!!

  2. #2
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    I gave up when after fighting with ex to spend with me and DS he said 'stop trying to change me, this is who I am'

    We had been on and off for 8 years, both done everything under the son to hurt each other.

    Simply, I was jst over it and done with trying to make someone want me. Although it hurt and I had hoped he would jst wake up and smell the coffee I had to leave.

    I deserve to b happy and deserve to have a man in my life that adores me!

    Have u suggested counselling???

  3. #3
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    you cant make someone else want to do something, they have to want to want it. But as for your feelings about the relationship based on my own experiences with cheating and something I found really insightful, I must quote Dr Phil, "If you really love someone who cheated on you and you think you can make it work, you must work out if you can work through it and rebuild the trust. In order to do this you must learn to accept that he has changed and make a real effort to move on. You cant let it eat away. If you dont think you can then you may as well end the relationship now. In exchange the cheater must allow total access to every aspect of their life to begin to heal the hurt they caused" or something to that effect.

    But I am sure there is more to your problems than just that, but those words really helped me when it happened to me. It made everything seem really clear. Hope it helps, not sure if it does.

  4. #4
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    I knew when I realized that I was the only one fighting to make our relationship work. I was the one constantly being put down, let down, emotionally tormented & completely exhausted. He was the one who wanted to leave every time & because of this, I always thought that I was doing something wrong. He was always sad and miserable and I lost who I was when I was with him. He was the one who always wanted to get back together when he realized he hated being alone. He used me til something better came along and when that didn't work out, he would come crawling back and i took him back because I thought I loved him.

    I made a tough decision and it was very hard but honestly, leaving was the best thing I ever did.

    I'm not saying your situation is the same.. You just kinda know when enough is enough. Well I did anyways.

    Good luck

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    You can love someone but if the relationship is toxic all the love in the world won't fix it

  6. #6
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    It depends how long he's been saying he doesn't want to be with you anymore... It's terrible timing, but if he doesn't love you then don't stay with him. I would suggest a marriage counsellor absolutely straight away. There's children involved and you're going to need to work as a cohesive team to raise them and the new bub. If you live apart but raise the children together it can really work well. It's definitely not good for the children if you remain together in a loveless relationship - what message does that send them? Good luck! Hugs

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by maybe again View Post
    As the title suggests how did you know when to stop trying to make it work?
    Dh has told me that he wants out of the marriage but I don't know if I can let go.
    Some background
    Together 10 years
    Married 5 in may
    He cheated on me 2 years ago
    We break up nearly every year
    2.5kids (one on the way)

    I just cannot see myself being able to do it without him. But I am sick of trying to make him want to be with me. But not sick enough to not love him. I've put so much into this marriage and relationship I don't know if I can stop trying to make him love me again.

    Sorry if it's a ramble of thoughts it's only new feelings.

    But after advice or experience or what ever you can share!!
    Hey I can't answer your question as my situation was different. But I just wanted to say if you decide you've had enough I'm sure you CAN do it without him. I was terrified of being a single mum and giving birth to my second on my own - but about 18 months later I don't know why I was. Life's not too bad as a single mummy

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  9. #8
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    I had been asking myself this same question for months now, until about 2 weeks ago we finally called it quits. I knew there was no love anymore, I just wanted to hold on to what we used to have. Our relationship had been deteriorating for a while and I just decided that I'd rather be single and happy, than in a relationship fighting for something that would never work. Already I am much happier.

    XDP told me he was only sticking around for our daughter and that crushed me, but now I have the chance to find someone who will worship me and I'm thankful for that. I just want to be able to co-parent peacefully so pulled the plug before I became resentful and hated him for his lack of love.

    Your situation is a little different, but chances are, if you are asking yourself this question you already know the answer. Good luck xo
    Last edited by PorkyPies; 08-04-2012 at 16:03.

  10. #9
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    My ex husband and I were together for ten years. I always thought I was the onl one fighting for our relationship; he refused to admit there were any problems, and by denying that things were not right, he didn't have to fix anything (if you know what I mean?). Anyway, I decided I needed out when I was dreading pulling into the driveway each night but I also realised I was lying to everyone - he wouldn't let me see my friends, so I said I had a headache, or when he pushed me into a wall, I told people I had slipped in the rain. It was a shock to me to realise my relationship had become violent and I was being controlled by this madman. So I left. And I took almost nothing. But here I am two years later, expecting a baby (we had never had kids, but two miscarriages) and happier than I ever thought I'd be. I mean, I thought relationships like this existed in Mills and Boon books only.

    Of course, your situation is different to me, but I hope you find the strength to find yourself and let this go. Good luck!


 

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