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  1. #1
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    Default Am I just a loser or what...

    I have become a sahm for the first time this year. We have a nearly five year old and a 4 month old. With my first i went back to work at 12 weeks as i had no maternity leave entitlements and hubby wasn't working. I always made him promise that if we had another that I would be able to stay at home to look after the baby, as i feel that I missed out on so much....I worked full time until my second baby was born. During this time my hubby fleeted between jobs and only just got a stable job, he's been there six months.

    He was home for many years, while he decided what he would do for employment....a lot of those days he didn't have our son, who was in daycare. Yesterday he looked around the house and says "you're obviously not coping with the housework, everything's a mess and you haven't ironed my shirts"......
    now, the whole time I've been at home has been spent recuperating from a dislocated symphysis pubis and later from a csection. I try my very best to do as much as I can during the day, which is hard when you've had no sleep and you're forever breast feeding....and of course lets not mention the fact that hubby gets home,puts his feet up and plays xbox till midnight, never once offering to help "because he works"

    I was the main income earner for seven years, he never did any housework while he was homes those years, and he is the messiest person I've ever met. Unfortunately you do become blasé when you're constantly picking up after someone and I have let many a mess go because I would rather be with my baby.

    How is it that he can accuse me of being messy??? I wash his clothes, fold them, put them away, clean the house as much as possible and take care of the kids...one of whom has therapy for speech and OT every week? When I say that I need help to pick up after his messes he says that millions of mothers do it around the world, why can't I? When I say that he didn't do anything AT ALL whrn he was home he says that's in the past, this is now. I am still contributing to the household income through my maternity leave, whilst while I was working he contributed nothing, as he figured out what he wanted to do. Sometimes I think I shouldn't complain because at least he is working now, and Icahn stay with my kids...does anyone else feel that being a sahm does not mean being your husband's personal maid? I am so mad at him right now, can you tell? I won't be ironing any shirts tonight, let me tell you!

  2. #2
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    Sending hugs. He sounds like he's being very selfish. In my opinion you need to sit down with him and have a calm and clear talk about expectations and how you feel.

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  4. #3
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    Oh my! That would also make me furious.

    This is what you say "I Don't stay home from work because I want to Cook and clean, I stay home from work to raise human beings, so if the socks are clean then damn well wash them!"

    I heard something like this on bubhub last night and will be living based on that from now on!

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  6. #4
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    Oh my god, I want to hit him.

    If I were you I'd stop doing everything except feeding and caring for the children of course. He can do all his own washing, cooking etc then he might start ti see what a fool he is.

    And OP, my house is a mess ATM I only have a 3 yr old and spd and I can't manage it. My DF knows if he wants it spotless he can pitch in, if not he can stfu

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  8. #5
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    You're a stay at home mum, not a stay at home wife!

    In all honesty dh does more around the house than I do and never complains because he knows I do the 'mummy' thing all day every day!

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  10. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Braxtonsmummy View Post
    You're a stay at home mum, not a stay at home wife!

    In all honesty dh does more around the house than I do and never complains because he knows I do the 'mummy' thing all day every day!
    I agree totally, my hubby does a lot for us, he may need to take some time off from work and be shown exactly what you do, it ain't easy Hun, your doing your best and it sounds like your doing a lot more than what I did when DS was that old.

    Sending you lots of hugs.

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    Firstly you are NOT a loser!

    You sound like you need a break, it's do hard those first few months.

    I have no advice on how to approach it, but don't let it simmer, talk to him even if there's a massive row. Better get your feelings out in the open.

    X

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  14. #8
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    My DP is always having a dig about how "he works all day" - well you're lucky buddy that your job has a knock-off time, and a lunch break, and smoko, and you get to sit by yourself in the car to and from work!!!

    I'd say do your own washing, dishes, cook for yourself and your other child and let him see how much work it is!!! I say this, but I still do all DP's lol...I got sick of arguing about washing.

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  16. #9
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    ~Marigold~ is offline You make me happy, when skies are grey
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    Can I come over and throttle him? Please?

    Sounds extremely selfish and jaded to me. You are amazing, don't let him bring you down!
    Last edited by ~Marigold~; 04-04-2012 at 18:06.

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  18. #10
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    That made me angry just reading it..and I dont even have babies/kids yet. Youre no way a loser and youre not his maid. Youre partners and therefore should be equals. "thats in the past, this is now" ????? Excuse me?!?! He sounds like he is being very selfish indeed. I would be sitting him down and explaining what you do all day while he works and tell him that hes not a king and youre not his slave and MILLIONS of fathers around the world work all day, then come home and do their share of cleaning and looking after their offspring.


 

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