I didn't have a baby shower for DS because of circumstance. I'm planning on having one for this bub but it will be a "no gifts" thing. What you could perhaps do is laybuy the items you want, and if people ask you what you want you could say "oh we're paying off a laybuy, some money towards that would be very helpful!" But out wouldn't look planned, as it would of you had a registry or wishing well. If they give you a gift instead, so be it, and at least they'll know that you're not 'expecting' anything .