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  1. #1
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    Default Feeling sad, emotional, fed up! Blughhh

    I'm having one of those days where everything sucks.

    I have 2 boys, 7 years and 4 months and I am pregnant again too.

    I feel so lonely.
    My husband is a musician and he is going on a US tour in 14 days for 13 weeks and we don't get to go. It's too hard and too expensive for all of us to go. We might get to go next time.
    While we are getting paid a lump sum to pay for expenses here (wonderful) I'll be here on my own with the boys. Every night.

    I live in a rural area in SA and I live 45 minutes away from my closest friend. And even more from the others. I tried to make friends down here with the school parents but they ended up being super strange and very creepy.

    I feel so lonely already because my husband is always so busy and so absorbed in this tour. And while I am fully supportive and happy that his music is actually going somewhere after 6 years of hard work, I feel a little bit of resentment toward it. It's consumed him and is taking him away from us and I don't know how to just deal with it. He knows how I feel but there isn't much he can do because it has to be this way.

    I guess this isnt a question more of a vent.

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    Eko is offline Acrobatic Dominatrix.
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    Aww, I'm sorry you're feeling so alone I know when I was away from DH for three months for work he really had a hard time because he felt cut off and lonely.

    The only thing I can suggest really is to keep in touch with your DH via skype if you can, or even just phone calls. It won't fix everything, but it'll sure help .

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    Will reply later. But I get it.

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    Although my situation is different to yours, I'm struggling with the same types of feelings at the moment.

    We have 3 kids, the eldest will be 4 next month, we have a 2 yr old and a 4.5 month old. ALL our family live interstate- we moved here 5 years ago for DH's work, planning to be here for 2 yrs maximum. I have mothers group friends, but not really ones that I'd call and say I'll be over in 5 for a coffee, IYKWIM.
    In February, my 4 and 2 year olds got a vomiting bug, and last week all 3 came down with a nasty bug with coughing and fevers. Both times, I literally did not leave the house from Monday morning until Friday afternoon.
    DH is a great dad, but he is working so hard at the moment. It's past 9 now and he's not yet home. He went into work Sunday afternoon and this is the third night in a row i did the whole dinner/ bed routine solo. I've realised that for my own sanity it's best not to rely on him to be there at witching hour.
    Quote Originally Posted by Neekie View Post
    I feel so lonely already because my husband is always so busy and so absorbed in this tour. And while I am fully supportive and happy that his music is actually going somewhere after 6 years of hard work, I feel a little bit of resentment toward it. It's consumed him and is taking him away from us and I don't know how to just deal with it. He knows how I feel but there isn't much he can do because it has to be this way.
    This is what resounded for me. DH works in a creative industry too- being busy means he's producing great work, but I'm feeling a bit like family is coming 2nd for him at the moment.
    Our eldest starts school next year and in a couple of weeks I have a school entry interview for the school we put her name down for back interstate where our families are.
    I fully intend for her to go to this school, and I'm so scared that it will get to the end of the year and DH won't be ready to move back and I'll have to make a really tough decision and move back without him. It's eating away at me at the moment, but I can't keep going the way things are.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Eko View Post
    Aww, I'm sorry you're feeling so alone I know when I was away from DH for three months for work he really had a hard time because he felt cut off and lonely.

    The only thing I can suggest really is to keep in touch with your DH via skype if you can, or even just phone calls. It won't fix everything, but it'll sure help .
    It's amazing how much you rely on someone. It makes you sometimes wish you weren't so dependent.
    We will have Skype etc, but he will be limited as they will be on the road a lot of the time. But I just guess I have to push through and deal with it huh.

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    Quote Originally Posted by cindye View Post
    Although my situation is different to yours, I'm struggling with the same types of feelings at the moment.

    We have 3 kids, the eldest will be 4 next month, we have a 2 yr old and a 4.5 month old. ALL our family live interstate- we moved here 5 years ago for DH's work, planning to be here for 2 yrs maximum. I have mothers group friends, but not really ones that I'd call and say I'll be over in 5 for a coffee, IYKWIM.
    In February, my 4 and 2 year olds got a vomiting bug, and last week all 3 came down with a nasty bug with coughing and fevers. Both times, I literally did not leave the house from Monday morning until Friday afternoon.
    DH is a great dad, but he is working so hard at the moment. It's past 9 now and he's not yet home. He went into work Sunday afternoon and this is the third night in a row i did the whole dinner/ bed routine solo. I've realised that for my own sanity it's best not to rely on him to be there at witching hour.

    This is what resounded for me. DH works in a creative industry too- being busy means he's producing great work, but I'm feeling a bit like family is coming 2nd for him at the moment.
    Our eldest starts school next year and in a couple of weeks I have a school entry interview for the school we put her name down for back interstate where our families are.
    I fully intend for her to go to this school, and I'm so scared that it will get to the end of the year and DH won't be ready to move back and I'll have to make a really tough decision and move back without him. It's eating away at me at the moment, but I can't keep going the way things are.
    Oh wow! That's exactly how I'm feeling at the moment!
    My husband left the house at 7:45 and probably won't be home till 12-3 am and it makes me anxious and mad!
    Because like you I has to do the hectic feed the kids and bath them and get them to bed and make sure I eat and stay sane alone tonight too. And I was hoping he might have gotten home in time to help out. I hate relying in someone. But we entered a partnership. Not a 'you follow your dreams and I'll pick up the mess ship!'
    I'm feeling bitter and he doesn't get why I am mad. Because he's leaving in 2 weeks and he hasn't seen his kids since 7:45 and won't seem them till tomorrow. The eldest not until after school!
    My husband is often at night on his phone promoting his tour etc and almost every night I nudge him to get the baby's bottle and I feed him but the whole time DH is awake next to me on his phone emailing someone or replying to comments on videos when all I wanna say is "well since you're awake I'll stay asleep and you feed the baby!" But I don't. And I should. Because I am exhausted.

    Oh dear... I really am ranting.... It's because he just messaged me saying he won't be home for a few hours

    Would you move back with out him? Do you think he would stay if you said you were moving back??

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    He knows that moving back is the right thing for our family. The last 5 years have been so hard without a support network. But to get a job he'd be happy to move for might be a challenge. It will be calling on contacts of contacts...
    There are other factors that are making me go crazy. We live in a 2 bedroom apartment - 5 of us!!! We need more space, and a backyard. Our kids need the opportunity to have relationships with their grandparents, aunties and uncles and cousins. And I'm feeling trapped by the lack of options I have on a personal level. I can't work or contribute financially at the moment whereas I'll be able to when we move back.
    My parents are offering us an amazing opportunity to live in their investment property for REALLY low rent.
    It could only be a positive move on every level except DH's work. He might have to take a job that pays a little less (which wouldn't make any difference since I'd be able to make up the shortfall), or take a sideways step, career-wise. He just has to get his head (and ego ) around those possibilities.
    But I keep telling him I'm going, with a smile on my face and I'm sure he knows I'm not joking. I am so desperate to move back, I really hope he gets on board with it and starts looking for a job later in the year. I'd hate to move without him, but I need to.

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    Neekie, what are your DH's long term plans, after a three month tour, will things settle down a bit or will he be planning another one? Does he have any ideas on how he is going to balance work and family or is he just seeing what happens?

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    Lol with a smile on your face!
    I'm sure he will follow!

    Well he plans to do another tour, he has manager who do most of the work and at the moment he's also writing is second album which has to be finished by Friday to be sent off to the producers which is another reason why he's been so busy.

    But apparently he says it won't be like this every time, and next time the kids and I might get to go along too but I can imagine that would be as stressful as staying at home alone.

    He knows he isn't juggling family and his music well, he knows it's not fair but he says I just have to deal with it because there's nothing he can do about it( which I do understand) but it doesn't make it any easier to handle.

    I just sent him out with both the kids so I can just take a breather and relax for an hour and regain my bearings. I'm trying to use positive thoughts and be thankful that we have the amazing life style we have but sometimes I just don't care about anything other than having all my family with me and screw the money and career! You know??

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    Neekie, has your DH left for the tour? How are things going?


 

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