Advice for handling an emotional 6 yr old girl.

**VyeVacious** · 02-04-2012 14:07

I have googled this recently and found that it is a common and reoccuring theme for girls around 5-7 to be emotionally driven to outbursts. However the advice is to talk things through.. This does not work in our circumstance as my DD does not open up. Her answer for most things from school to friends to attempting to talk through why she is so upset results in the same answer - "I dont know or I dont remember".

Other common ideas are to support her through her emotional outbursts... But I find this difficult when the outbursts are numerous times a day, over tiny matters. With lengthy, loud, cranky, sometimes hysterical, rude remarks and reactions. My 2.5 yr olds outbursts are nearly as impressive or over the top. Sending her to her room results in 'Im sorry mummy I wont do it any more... I promise.' Sticking to my guns in this case results in louder crys, sobs and whining. I constantly feel like I am always grumpy or upset at her as these varying outbursts/tantrums are a regular part of our day both before and after school. However this kind of behaviour goes unseen during school hours....?!

I am a single mother of 2 beautiful busy girls, 6.5 and 2.5. Both to different fathers. Both of whom have little to do with their daughters. However my youngest does regularly see her Aunty on her fathers side and her other grandparents on occasion, where my eldest doesnt see her father really at alll, 1 -2 times a year at most.
The times that my youngest is with the other sides family, I take my eldest DD out for lunch, a movie, bowling or a roadtrip to visit friends, taking the time to do something that is special for her too. So that she is not missing out.
My eldest DD does not have a good relationship with her father as she knows how to push his buttons and he cannot cope with her lively and cunning nature. Plus he regularly fights with his current partner in front of her. So I no longer pursue contact at his residence.

Her family daycare mother (20+ years experince) has told me from the age she was three that she is a boundary pusher and would benefit from consistent routine and discipline (and god help the man that marries this strong willed, independant minded little lady in the coming years, he will need a shed! Lol). Which I have maintained and has celarly been helpful and insightful.
She is a beautiful, bright, well mannered, well behaved, capable and caring normal healthy and for the most part happy 6 yr old girl. That right now is constantly is in tears... I really dont know how to handle her being so emotionally high strung and find myself losing patience with her by the end of the day and getting upset myself...

Any advice or outside perspective would be great!!

**OJandMe** · 02-04-2012 14:25

it's a horrible thing when you're child is in an emotional cyclone that you can't pin down.

I've only got boys, but one of my 7yr olds has been behaving a bit like this...

Firstly- is she a thinking or a feeling person? Do you hear language like "That's not fair!" or language like "That makes me really upset/sad.. I don't like it" The first is a thinking response, the second is a feeling response.

The fact she doesn't seem to want to talk about what is upsetting her makes me think she might be a 'thinking' kid. And the fact that she doesn't want to talk about it straight away makes me think she might need time to process it first.

Could you try something such as.. when she starts going off into a fit saying something like "Your behaviour is showing me that you need to find something that calms you down." And then suggest something (for my boys it's something like- read a book, do some painting, help me cook something, have a bath, going for a walk... it's different for each person)
Or "I understand your angry, and when you're ready to tell me about it I will listen, but I'm not doing tantrums, so you can go finish it in your room... why don't you try (one of her 'calm down' activities) till your ready to talk about it."

Other than that I don't really know. That's what I've been trying with Jordan... and when he calms down and can tell me what the problem is I say "well, we're problem solvers in this family, how can we fix this?"

**VyeVacious** · 02-04-2012 16:03

Hi Gretel...
Thanks for a heart felt reply.. I wanted to get my point across without sounding like an uncaring mother...! lol..

I think she falls under both catergories to be truthful... She is in touch with her feelings to the point of knowing that she feels sad, angry, hurt or upset. Just not good at explaining why.. There is quite a bit she's not liking at the moment... Diva moments I tend to think of them as...
Shes just either not sure why she feels the way she does, hence the I dont know reply or just reacts so over the top.. but if I leave her to think on it, the reason why will easily escape her mind within minutes if not seconds..

I do love the idea of calming activities though... I will definitely be trying out a couple of those. THANKS!!

Time in her room is the only thing that does work.. Even if its a task getting her in there.

But I would ultimately like her to be in more control of her feelings and projections so that she can express them more clearly, so that we are able to pinpoint the problem no matter how minor and hopefully adjust her over the top reactions.. Or get her opening up before having a meltdown..

Its hard work living with a full time emotional diva!