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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by mum2b09 View Post
    I've met her mother a fair few times but not sure how to word it.

    I spoke to A and just said this is DD's house and it is not nice to call people names here because it upsets them.
    Now I'm worried I've upset her because she's gone really quiet!
    My sister is being well behaved and she never calls names.
    A has much older brothers so I'm not sure if it's normal in their household?
    My DS goes to the after school care program where it is normal for him to play with 9-10 year olds. The teacher often complains that the older ones are the worst behaved and often pick on the little ones. I'm not sure why, it seems they just do! I do recall when DS was in child care, all the little children with siblings were much nastier and much rougher than the only children such as my DS. I would say the brother thing has something to do with it, along with personality.

    This doesn't mean you have to put up with it! The fact she's gone quiet means she's probably embarrassed, and rightly so. Leave her to think about it for a while, she will learn the hard way.

  2. #12
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    If it were my kid misbehaving I would rather a phone call explaining what was going on,rather than my kid get home and tell me you have told her off..

    I would ring the mum, tell her what has happened and tell her you dont really have experience with how to handle this kind of thing as you are used to dealing with 3 year olds...have a laugh about it, ask her if she is okay with you telling her DD that name calling isnt nice etc...I bet she is more than used to it.

    I have had to do this kind of thing in the past, under different circumstances, and the mum was great, she told me to do whatever I would do with my own...

  3. #13
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    She's probably gone sheepish and quiet because she knows she's been a bit naughty.

    It's nothing major, and while I'd be disappointed in DD if I heard she'd misbehaved at someone's house, I wouldn't freak out if someone told me she'd been a bit rude or anything... most parents are probably aware their kids can misbehave and I think parents are a bit less precious about these things once their kids are older anyway... I think you'll be very unlucky if the mother reacts negatively to you telling her that her daughter wasn't behaving nicely today.

    Just tell her off. Tell her what's acceptable and what's not. 10-year-olds are smart enough to know that rudeness, especially directed at small children, is not going to be tolerated. If her mother is reasonable, she'll be happy you set her daughter back on track when she was misbehaving. My daughter's nearly 7 and I'd expect that if she wasn't behaving properly, she'd be told off and told how to behave instead by whoever was caring for her.

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  5. #14
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    OJandMe is offline I am the strength my children will have.
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    I would pull the friend aside and my sister aside and have a very firm chat with them. I would say directly to A.. "In this family, we are kind to each other. We do not tease, bully or put down. you can either choose to be kind, or choose to sit and do something quiet by yourself... but you can not bully."

    10 is not too young to understand how to treat people.

    And honestly, if they actually played with the little kids, they'd probably all have a lot of fun.

    I agree it's not typical. it's bullying. These are NOT her siblings and she has no right to bully them in THEIR house.

    If she's gone quiet, let it be... if you hear her bully again then just say "We speak kindly to each other in this house." And give the big ones a game they can play with the little ones.

    In our house when the big kids start picking on the little kids I 'assign' them each a little kid to play with... and then I organise something like tubs of water to 'paint' with, or sandpit toys, or blocks, or puzzles... and as much as O and J might winge and groan about 'having to play with G or J2" after 5 mins they're all really into it, having a great time and enjoying the interactions.
    Last edited by OJandMe; 02-04-2012 at 14:12.

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    Yeah, if someone rang me up to ask if they could say, "that's not nice, please stop that," or something to my DD, I'd wonder how precious they thought I must be.

    School-aged kids generally spent a lot of their week under the care of people who are not their parents, who will tell them off if they misbehave.

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  9. #16
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    My mum is picking them both up soon so I am going to have a word with her as she won't have a problem saying anything to her Mum.

    After I said something there were a few other little instances, no name calling but she went into their room and wouldn't let them in, I'm less than impressed and to be honest I would rather her not come back to my house.

  10. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by NutsyK View Post
    Wow.. if I have a child at my house they go by my rules.. If I had a child calling my children names I'd certainly have words with them and that would be without me asking their "mum" for permission to "tell them off". Same with my DD being at other peoples houses... she follows their rules and they are free to tell her off as long as they're not absolutely screaming at her.. laying a hand on her.. or swearing at her or something.

    NutsyK
    I once walked into a 'friends' house to pick my DD up from a playdate, to find the dad alone with my DD in one of the kids bedrooms making her stand in the corner for a timeout because she had apparently been cheeky.

    I took my daughter by the hand, told the dad what I thought of him and have never spoken to either my friend or her husband every again. The fact that they thought it was okay to discipline my child in that way because its 'what they do with their own' is beyond me.

    My 5 year old girl was red faced and sobbing in the corner whilst he made her stay there, and the other children got to leave the room and play.

    That will NEVER be okay in my book. Had she rang me and told me the situation I would have told her that and things would never have escalated.

    Some things people think are okay are completely unacceptable to others.

  11. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by GothChick View Post
    I once walked into a 'friends' house to pick my DD up from a playdate, to find the dad alone with my DD in one of the kids bedrooms making her stand in the corner for a timeout because she had apparently been cheeky.

    I took my daughter by the hand, told the dad what I thought of him and have never spoken to either my friend or her husband every again. The fact that they thought it was okay to discipline my child in that way because its 'what they do with their own' is beyond me.

    My 5 year old girl was red faced and sobbing in the corner whilst he made her stay there, and the other children got to leave the room and play.

    That will NEVER be okay in my book. Had she rang me and told me the situation I would have told her that and things would never have escalated.

    Some things people think are okay are completely unacceptable to others.
    Hmm, going about thinking your child can do no wrong is setting some bad boundaries in my opinion. I'm sure the father didn't make her stand in the corner and give her time out because she was playing fair. Are you going to sue the school when they discipline her and give her time out because she was disruptive in class? Or get your knickers in a knot with the school when she gets a detention?

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  13. #19
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    Gothchick, I would be horrified to walk in on my daughter being treated that way. I don't know hiw anyone could think that kind of treatment is fine for a five yr old child that isn't their own.

    I dont think I'm precious, I dont see a problem with someone else telling my Child how to behave within reason or removing her from a situation if necessary but further discipline is the business of her father and I.
    Last edited by bada; 02-04-2012 at 22:45.

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  15. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by ElastiGirl View Post
    Hmm, going about thinking your child can do no wrong is setting some bad boundaries in my opinion. I'm sure the father didn't make her stand in the corner and give her time out because she was playing fair. Are you going to sue the school when they discipline her and give her time out because she was disruptive in class? Or get your knickers in a knot with the school when she gets a detention?
    How on earth have you misconstrued what I said to mean I think my child does no wrong?
    I know very well my child can do wrong, I tend to know her, being her mother 'n all.

    That said, my daughter is not cheeky. She is the most well behaved child I know. She has been taught manners from the moment she could talk, I could count on one hand the number of times I have had to tell her off in her life, she doesn't back chat, she is a kind and thoughtful child, she is sensitive and generous and loving. I have comments on a weekly basis from the head of the school down to the teachers and mothers telling me what a lovely girl she is.You do not know my daughter, I do, and I know there is no way she would ever have been cheeky in someone else's house. It is just not in her nature. She is respectful and polite, unlike this friends children who run round like hooligans.

    I have absolutely no problem with her getting told off in class if she has done something wrong. She would have no problem telling me herself when she has stepped out of line, it's just the type of kid she is.

    FYI, when asked what she had apparently done wrong, DD said they had all been playing rough with the dad, pushing him, boxing and him tickling them and chucking them on the bed, then when he said it was enough, DD punched him in the leg and shouted 'it's not enough!' laughing and giggling and thinking the game was still going on.....when the other children had obviously realised when the dad says 'enough' that's it, he means it.
    DD isn't a rough child, she obviously got caught up in the excitement because we don't really play rough at home. For a 5 year old to be told off just for that is ridiculous and I find it even more ridiculous that you would write things like 'Are you going to sue the school when they discipline her'....That is just inflammatory and unnecessary.

    What happened might be okay in your eyes, and that's fine with me, but you made an error in judgment thinking you can come on here and attack the way I parent my child because I think it is unacceptable for someone to treat my child in this manner, especially considering you didn't know all the facts.
    Last edited by GothChick; 03-04-2012 at 09:41. Reason: typo


 

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