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  1. #1
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    Default happy birthday to DS?

    Quick background: I've been separated from DS' so-called dad since he was one year old. In the 5 years we've been separated he has been in and out of his life, very rarely paid the pittance of CS I was entitled to, cancelled visitation we'd arranged with minutes notice (while I was at work), arranged to have DS on weekdays but not arranged child care causing me to be out of pocket on his behalf of $130 per week and he knew he had me in a spot because I had to pay for the child care or he'd pull the old "I can't take him today" and I'd have no care!

    Anyhowsers, his dad is also a bit weird. Also, a very scary man. He's always been very deranged in the bedroom department but I thought he would be like other adults and hide this from children. I was mistaken.

    When I broke up with him, he'd literally stalk new dates in an attempt to have them leave me or find something out about them so I'd leave them. He broke into my home and stole my photos and rifled through my belongings - underwear draws, food cupboards, everything. He also rocked up really drunk (drove over on a motorbike) and tried to push me into my bedroom until the point where I had to scream at the top of my lungs for my neighbour's help.

    Eventually he got a new girlfriend and moved on. She helped a lot, actually made him want to see him but he still pulled the old "can't do today" games.

    I tried mediation but he never showed up.

    He had him every second weekend, although cancelled a lot. A lot of the time I'd go to pick him up only to find that he'd left DS with my parents the entire time because he was "busy".

    Last year, DS went camping with his dad and came home and was acting strange, asking strange questions. I questioned his dad about this and he assured me he had just been picking up things from his young cousins who were there, too. He'd never picked up any of this behaviour from school and I wasn't happy about it but it made sense.

    A few weeks later, XDP dropped DS off to my parents house and the first thing DS did was grab my mum between the legs. We were a bit and and DS continued to try it on at home. I was INCREDIBLY uncomfortable around him as he kept persisting despite us telling him it's so important he not touch people there nor let others touch him there.

    Eventually I snapped and asked where on earth he picked it up. Of course he answered "that's what dad does to [his DP]". I was beyond angry so I sought counselling and the counsellor basically assured me that if DS continued that behaviour and did it at school, we'd have the police/docs knocking on our doors.

    I told this to XDP and he spoke with his partner and he said he had to "support his partner and not see DS until we've been to mediation". I thought "whatever" as when I tried it he was too damn lazy to show up.

    ...will be back to continue. Workies.

  2. #2
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    Anyway, before that there were always worries about DS' safety with him - FOB lost his licence so drove around on a motorized scooter with 2 yo DS, didn't have proper carseat, I'd pick him up and 2 yo DS would be wandering the ungated front yard completely on his own with dad inside.

    There has been a black cloud looming over my head all weekend. I'm not overly happy with life atm, my anxieties are playing up massively and DS' birthday is today. His birthday is a happy but not happy time for me because it takes me back to his awful birth and the way his awful father treated me. If I could change one thing in this world, it would be to make my DP my son's biological father because he's his father in each and every other way.

    This morning I put up a pic of DS on Facebook opening his presents. Almost immediately after that I got a text from his "father" asking to pick him up this afternoon I think he'd forgotten and a mutual friend reminded him of the FB pic. I said "umm, this is really short notice and I've already organised and paid for OSHC - no". Then he was nagging at me to have him for half a week on Thursday.

    I feel terrible because I said no. I've never denied them a relationship but I'm really worried that not only has he not had any counselling nor parenting lessons but he seems to be falling back into old patterns of wanting his own way for the fun times but not having any of the responsibilities!

    I said not until we've had mediation - as YOU suggested.

    We haven't heard from him for six months!!! At his wishes. He didn't even call DS for Christmas, now I feel like he's demanding to come back as he pleases.

    I don't want DS going back there I used to feel like I was sending a lamb to the slaughter. I can't do it any more I know fathers are important (and yadda yadda) but I feel as though IF he hasn't been abused already, it's only a matter of time and that leaves a big hole in my heart.

    I don't know what to do. I was happy that he was finally gone. If only I hadn't put that stupid ****ing picture on FB.

  3. #3
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    Rutabaga is offline Getting it together, one day at a time.
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    Oh HECK!!!

    No advice for you, but lots of and sympathy. What a blardy awful situation.

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    I cringe whenever you post about your ex. He sounds like a real piece of work.

    Stick to what you have said. If he wants to see him, mediation will be the best place to start. Honestly Benji, I dont think he will bother.

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    Oh and Happy Birthday to your DS

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    Thanks Jakois, poor kiddo is at school haha. He had a great morning though.

    I hope he doesn't bother with mediation, if he does, I will be nothing but honest about what has happened in the past. I highly doubt he'd come up with the funds to take me to court.

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    Ahh Benji :/
    I really feel for you! Any chance you can seek some legal advice? The fam relationships Aust can normally point you in the right direction.
    Is there anything in writing about the custody arrangement? If there is nothing I would keep refusing access until he goes to mediation.

    Good luck!

    ETA- sorry just realized I posted in the wrong section! Sorry!

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    I honestly didn't think he'd even bother, he's never actually willingly been a dad iykwim. He didn't call for xmas or anything I just assumed his bday would be the same. My stress levels are through the roof.

    He just wants to waltz back in again when DS had finally stopped being upset about not seeing him. I told DS that his dad had to go and learn how to be a proper dad - DS said it must be because he didn't finish school lol.

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by AppleIsleSMum View Post
    Ahh Benji :/
    I really feel for you! Any chance you can seek some legal advice? The fam relationships Aust can normally point you in the right direction.
    Is there anything in writing about the custody arrangement? If there is nothing I would keep refusing access until he goes to mediation.

    Good luck!

    ETA- sorry just realized I posted in the wrong section! Sorry!
    Everyone welcome!

    Nothing in writing as he failed to show up at mediation. I wanted to draw up a parenting plan at the time because I was tired of him letting me down, I figured if I had something in writing he would keep to his end of the arrangement. I think this is prob why he didn't show (plus he's lazy and irresponsible).

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    Oh Benji to you and Happy Birthday to your DS!

    Your ex sounds truly awful and I have no idea what else to say..


 

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