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  1. #31
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    Yep. I wish I could let the barriers down too - but I'm so used to being the odd one out, I just put them up automatically. I just assume people find me strange and don't want to hang out. I also have no idea how the whole thing is supposed to work - like who calls who? Do you invite someone over? Then what? How long do you stay for chatting over coffee? I always feel like I have stayed too long (even after 10 minutes!) and hastily leave haha! Plus I freeze one on one and don't know what to say :P Gosh, I'm clueless!

  2. #32
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    It makes me sad to read that do many of you change who you are just to have friends

    You never know, the more you become yourself, you may form more and closer friendships. I know I say the wrong things sometimes, act immature and some people are probably thinking I'm a right bell end. But I know my friends love me for who I am which in turn helps me embrace who I am.

    Since embracing the person I am, I have better confidence and self worth (which was barely existant at one point)

    I hope you all start to feel like you belong and can be yourselves

  3. #33
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    I wouldn't say I'm socially awkward, but I often feel like I don't "fit" with anyone, and when I (rarely!) find myself in social situations, I will change my demeanour, body language, vocabulary, etc. in an attempt to pretend to fit in. And yes, I frequently find it exhausting.

    My main problem though is that I'm a bit reclusive and very socially lazy, and so is my DF. We just like spending all our time chilling out together at home, but as a result we don't have friends (him especially). This doesn't bother us most of the time, but recently it's sucked when we realised that aside from my extended family and family friends, we had hardly anyone to invite to our wedding. His brother tried to organise a bucks for him, paintballing I think, but DF didn't have enough people to invite to make up minimum numbers, so it's not happening now. I have my kitchen tea today, but most of the guests are extended family and some of my mum's middle aged friends. I will still have a great time, but it does make me sad at times like these that we don't really have friends. My "best friends" are my two cousins who I hardly see these days and who I don't have much to do with any more.. how sad is that? They are my bridesmaids and they are organising today for me; they are totally awesome, but have their own lives and groups of friends that I am completely not a part of.

    I am hoping that once I join mothers groups or playgroups I might have a reason to make friends again. But as usual I will probably feel like I don't fit in and I just want to go home.

  4. #34
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    Oh my goodness yes! I have a few close friends that I feel comfortable with and the rest - well I get anxious in the lead up to meeting up with them, I've even not answered my phone to them because I feel too worried to. I've been meaning to try a mothers group but I'm so worried that I'll not fit in that I haven't been yet.

    I also have feeling of never being good enough and that I'm not really good at anything, that I only just scrape by.

    These days I even get a bit anxious hitting post reply in here because I feel like I don't fit in here anywhere.

  5. #35
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    Yes. Everyone seems to click with other people and whatever... I can make psuedo-friends, but not people I'd have deep connections with or anything. Just people I can talk to a little so I'm not completely alone... but nobody close.

    I also just feel like a freak, because I honestly don't even believe in TMI... and that seems to be really abnormal. You could tell me anything and I wouldn't think it was TMI... unless you were my parents and it had to do with sex... lol... but I just don't even care. I see no real point in keeping secrets or being particularly private, but others seem to think this is very important... and it's just one thing that makes me feel abnormal. Why don't I care? Why am I so fine with being an open book? Why do others care so much about keeping all these things to themself and think it's weird when you share things with them?

    I dunno, I don't think me and people mesh well. Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually an alien... lol. (not seriously... but it kinda feels like that).

  6. #36
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    Yep

  7. #37
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    I certainly have felt on the outer in some situations, like I don't belong and don't fit.

    Quote Originally Posted by DiamondEyes View Post
    Its nice to know im not alone.

    I have friends in my life whom i really really care about, but its difficult for me to not have panic attacks about hanging out, its like i put on this whole different face so i dont make it awkward. Afterwards im exhausted because i hafto be this version of myself that ive learnt to be in order to have friends, and its really hard to keep up.

    Growing up when i would have sleepovers, by the next day i would become non verbal and when my friend left id feel so much relief. Like i just couldnt wait for them to leave...

    I like the idea of being social, but making it happen is hard and terrifying at the same time, so i try to avoid it, even tho i really do care about the people in my life.

    Oddball much?
    I don't think you sound like an oddball...I think you sound like you have something going on in the background, like social anxiety or possibly something else. I'd really recommend going and seeing a psychologist

  8. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by DiamondEyes View Post
    like you dont belong?
    Like your so different, that u cant ever create a close bond with people?
    That you need to force yourself to be how you think you should be, what others expect you to be?


    I never ever feel like i belong, i find the difference between myself and everyone else to be worlds apart.

    It has always been this way, i dont ever recall feeling comfortable around anyone except myself (and now dh)
    YES!!!! I feel more obligated to TRY as my girls are very social and currently pregnant and I don't want them to have my socialisation issues!!! :-/

  9. #39
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    Zombie_eyes is offline Formerly Diamondeyes
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tam-I-Am View Post
    I certainly have felt on the outer in some situations, like I don't belong and don't fit.



    I don't think you sound like an oddball...I think you sound like you have something going on in the background, like social anxiety or possibly something else. I'd really recommend going and seeing a psychologist
    Thanks tam, i did see one for a while... She thinks the probabilty of me sitting above a typical level on the asd spectrum is quite high. ( never really told anyone that) mixed with some sensory issues and reactions to situations i have which are scarily identical to how my boys react to things (both asd).

    But i chose not to explore it. I didnt have much support from family regarding it. And i dont see the psych anymore.

  10. #40
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    Yes i'm another who feels this way. I just don't fit in anywhere. I don't make friends easy and the older i get the harder it seems to get.
    I have social anxiety which really doesn't help. I don't deal well with social situations, i'm shy, not outgoing at all so people always just assume i'm rude or whatever.

    Maybe thats just how it is though? Maybe not everyone is meant t fit in? We will always be surrounded by people but we will always feel and be every much alone... i don't know? maybe thats just how it is?


 

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