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  1. #1
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    Default How to get my boy more confident

    My son who is 5 soon lacks confidence. We have put him in to do auskick and most of the time he doesn't want to participate and hangs back in the group it's the same at school too. He is a great kid and I love him to bits no matter what he does but I do worry about him in the school environment. He also does swimming lessons which he loves as its a small group but I do find he struggles with the large group situation. Any tips on how to overcome this. I feel that I have let him down some what and that I have not raised him properly.

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    Last edited by lolly137; 17-09-2015 at 20:43.

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    Aw thats sad - you shouldn't feel that you have not raised him properly! Not everyone enjoys being the centre of attention. If I were you, I wouldn't push him to be someone he's not. If he's more of a one on one/small group kinda guy - awesome! Give him the opportunity to invite his mates round to play. You might find he's well developed socially, but that he doesn't like hoardes of people around him.

    This is just my opinion though - I can sympathise, I am hilarious and awesome in a small group, a quivering mute in a large group.

  4. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to becandabub For This Useful Post:

    Me&MrMagoo  (31-03-2012),MilkingMaid  (31-03-2012)

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    You haven't done anything wrong! He might just have a more sensitive temperament. Keep encouraging him to do activities in groups and make a big fuss when he engages in these. Reward him when he is 'sociable'. A child psychologist could also help him to build his confidence. Some psychs run social skills groups, which may help. His school may have something along these lines too.

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    Just realized he may not be at school yet.

    In that case, give him lots of opportunities to practice being brave and social. Keep up the auskick and swimming, but also try to have lots of play dates.

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    He is at school I must admit I'm not a confident person my self and he doesn't have any friends outside of school which it's only been term 1 so he hasn't really made real set friends yet. I do worry for him I'm not trying to force him to participate if he chooses not to we listen to him. We don't know a lot of ppl with kids that we socialis with so that's been hard to still trying to find our feet in a new state though we have been up here 4 yrs now.

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    Definitely playdates with a small group of friends made a big difference with my DS. He was very timid for the first 6 months of kinder last year but once some other mum's and I got our act together and had 4 of the boys together for a few playdates over the holidays there was no looking back and he loved kindy so much more the second half of the year.

    Again, he was struggling at school drop offs the first few weeks of Prep this year. I spotted another boy who was also struggling and had a chat to his mum about a play in the park one day. We met up, the boys had a blast and school drop offs did get easier because there was a familiar face in class and not just a bunch of kids he didn't really know. And now I have a new friends too. I'm not the most outgoing person either but we move state every few years so I've had to learn that it doesn't kill me to put myself out there to meet new people for both my sake and the kids.

    If you don't really see any of the mum's at pick up you could ask the teacher if they've noticed your DS gets on especially well with anyone and perhaps write a note with your details and a suggested catch up that your DS could give the child/children? Same would apply at auskick, if he gets to know just one other kid there a bit better he might enjoy the whole session alot more and feel more like part of the group.

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    My son who is 8 is like this, he loves golf, he likes soccer, but doesn't like aus-kick or most other 'group' sports.

    Please don't feel there is something wrong with him, he will slot in where he feels comfortable, there is nothing wrong with prefering solo sorts, or even no sports at all for that matter!

    I really dislike the way society seems to push the idea we should all be extroverts who love team sports or there is something wrong with us.

    If you push your son too hard to be something he is 'not' then he may begin to get a sense that you think there is something wrong with him, and that may translate to him feeling there is something wrong with himself, and to poor self esteem.

    I say just watch him, see what he DOES enjoy, and then give him your full support for those things.

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    Quote Originally Posted by AM View Post
    I really dislike the way society seems to push the idea we should all be extroverts who love team sports or there is something wrong with.
    I totally agree!!

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    I agree, we don't all need to be extroverts. I am sure as heck not one, and i was an anxious kid whose parents refused to let me avoid the social situations that freaked the bejesus out of me. It was hard at the time, but I'm a confident, nonavoidant introvert now. Still don't like large groups, but can tolerate them.

    I guess there is a difference between not liking something and being afraid of it. If a person avoids activities they would normally like because of the other people there, it might be something worth addressing.

    OP- does your son's teacher have concerns about your son's confidence?. If in doubt, it can't hurt to see a psychologist, who can assess and determine if there is anything to worry about.


 

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