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  1. #11
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    They have every right to know she has passed.

    I be telling them.

  2. #12
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    Thanks everyone. I spoke to my dad tonight and told him how I feel. I didn't want to go behind his back as it was still in the back of my mind that I didn't know the full story of the feud and didn't know what can of worms I may be opening. I won't go into detail but its really bad and I understand why my gran was so upset with her and cut her off. I also found out that despite the feud dad let her know when Gran got sick and went to the care facility as he thought she would want to know and she didn't want to know about it. That was over 10 years ago and she's not been in contact or anything since. Anyway there is a lot of other stuff too and I can understand why he wants to grieve in peace and keep her out of it. Dad agrees with my that grans sister needs to know but he won't budge on waiting until after the funeral to tell her I still feel really uncomfortable about it but don't know what else to do, I really don't want any fights before the funeral. My parents are being pretty selfish. I thought I could tell my Grans sister and ask her not to tell the daughter yet but then that's putting her in a terrible position. Its all up to me as I am the only one in the family in contact with them. None of us would even know where to find my Grans estranged daughter anyway, the only way she would find out is through the sister... she is really elderly too I just feel so terrible... just feels like no matter what I do someone is going to be upset. I hope that if I do have to wait until next week to tell them that they understand

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  3. #13
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    First up, sorry for your loss xx

    Honestly the way I see it is your grandmothers sister and extended family are overseas so it's not like they can come to the funeral so what's the big deal with waiting until after your family have been able to say goodbye in peace?

    They have given you some pretty solid sounding reasons why the estranged sister would potentially cause trouble and why she is estranged in the first place so why potentially ruin a funeral by not waiting a few days to say something to the overseas relatives?

    I really think its in the best interest for you to not say anything until after and then left them know.

  4. #14
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    can you let them know and also maybe arrange with the funeral home to have separate viewings for your parents and for the estranged family. shouldn't be too hard for them to understand about that.

  5. #15
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    Can't you tell them and they found out by Facebook? They know you are in contact with them on it and you can't help it when people pass Thier condolences hugs I am so sorry for the situation you are in

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by MsMummy View Post
    I think both her sister and estranged daughter should be told that she has passed away.

    It's not fair that your parents have put you in this situation.
    I agree, your parents have no right to dictate what family member do and don't know. Everyone should be told!! It's very selfish and unreasonable of your father to out you in this position as your grans sister deserves to mourn her sister, in clouding being allowed to go to the funeral!!

    Is there any way you can call the hospital and ask them to contact her about your grans passing?

    sorry for your loss.
    Last edited by waterlily; 31-03-2012 at 05:27.

  7. #17
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    I don't have Facebook anymore so that wouldn't work. They are overseas so they wouldn't be able to come to the funeral. I think if I gave her number to the nursing home or funeral people and something did happen and the estranged daughter does cause trouble it will be known it came from me as I am the only one with their details. My dads view is that he has looked after Gran for so many years without any help (and i know it has been hard for him) that he should be able to see her out the way he wants. He also thinks that if my Grans sister really wanted to find us and find out what happened to Gran then she would have... he said he has had no support from any other family. I think it is selfish but i think he is really bitter about doing everything on his own, dementia is a really terrible thing I think if i do respect his wishes and wait until after the funeral my overseas relatives will forgive me... on the other hand I keep saying to dad what is the worst that will happen if i tell them now? So what if they tell your sister? If she calls and starts making trouble all he'd have to say is that its been over 10 years since she's been in contact and he didn't know how to reach her... but he says he is so angry with her still that he doesn't want to deal with it at this time still really confused I know what is the right thing to do morally but I don't want to see my dad hurting anymore than he is now

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