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  1. #1
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    Default Feeling so hurt tight now!

    Long story short i work about 20 hours a week at night (so im at home with 2 kids ALL day then go to work). For the last few weeks ive been really struggling with all the house wrok as well as working and being a mum. So this morning i asked H (he doesnt derve the D ATM) if he could help with a couple of SMALL jobs around the house. I asked him to put the dishes away and put the laundry away. NOT DO the dishes or laundry OR NOT DRY the dishes or FOLD the laundry JUST put them away. To this he replied 'i work 40 hours a week and i think thats enough'.

    Needless to say i was stunned, i started crying and dont want to talk to him again!!!

    To be clear im NOT asking him to do everything, i still feel its my job to do most of the house work but a LITTLE help would be great!!!

    I feeling so hurt like i do ALL the housework, look after the kids ALL day EVERY day PLUS work... im exhausted!!!!

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    That's horrible. I don't see why it's your job at all tbh. I work 40 hour weeks and this sadly hasn't got me out of housework lol. Hugs!



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  3. #3
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    Yes .. doesn't sound like he deserves the D at this point. What an awful thing to say! Unfortunately though men are like that. My DH believes that because we both work the same amount then our duties at home should be shared. But one we have children and I stay home more he believes that I should be doing the majority of the housework. Having said that though if I asked him for some help and explained that I was feeling overwhelmed, I know he would help me out to ease my burden especially if he knew it was making me upset.

    I would suggest sitting him down and saying that you understand that he works 40 hours and you appreciate that he does and blah blah blah (stroke his ego) but that you also work hard at home with the kids and once in awhile you would really appreciate a bit of help as you feel overwhelmed. Once you throw "I feel" into the equation it flips it around because you're not blaming him if that makes sense?

    Good luck

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    You poor thing, your hubby needs to walk a mile in your shoes to realise that you are doing way more than 40 hours a week between your paid 20 hours and the countless unpaid hours that you do with 2 children! Besides relationships and parenting are partnerships and he needs to be flexible and supportive of his partner in life who is reaching out asking for help! My heart goes out to you, maybe try talking to him about when you're feeling calmer. Good luck and just remember that men can be thoughtless, and don't always realise how insensitive their remarks can be. xoxoxo

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    HA!
    Leave his clothes out then ... you don't wear them therefore you shouldn't have to wash them and pack them away.
    Leave his plates there to be washed ... you didn't eat off them.

    Love how when you take on being a parent that means you too take on all domestic servitude and an 'us' and 'them' thing!

    I have told my husband with this second baby that housework is very patient - it will wait and if I get to it - I get to it - but if he's bothering him - HE"S MORE than capable of doing his 'share'.

    Huge hugs - it's not fair, it's not right and he needs to be reminded that he's in a partnership. I don't know why men and women turn on each other when it comes to parenting and housework.

  6. #6
    OJandMe's Avatar
    OJandMe is offline I am the strength my children will have.
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    wow. That's just not on.

    I can understand your feeling so hurt.

    Could you stick post-it's around the place with little things on them like "The woman you love is very tired and needs some help around the house"

    "Your wife is feeling overwhelmed and is struggling with the balance of looking after children/house/working and her husband"

    "The girl you married is not happy and is feeling unappreciated and would really like her life partner to help around the house a bit.

    "Two adults live here, so why is one adult doing all the housework?"

    "Your wife would like to swap roles with you... can you stay home look after the kids and the house, work evenings, do the housework.... and I go to work, 40 hours a week and refuse to put laundry away?"

    I don't know... I just feel for you right now. I'd stop doing everything related to him and just look after yourself and the kids. You already look after 3 people, let the lazy fourth look after himself.

  7. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to OJandMe For This Useful Post:

    babyla  (30-03-2012),giggle berry  (30-03-2012),Gothel  (30-03-2012),MissMuppet  (30-03-2012),Mod-biscotti  (30-03-2012)

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    Quote Originally Posted by FirstTimeMummy2012 View Post
    Unfortunately though men are like that.
    Umm some men are like that, not all. Generally because they've been raised to believe that's the way it is supposed to be.

    OP, I hope your DH is just having a bad day and he comes home and apologises, otherwise it sounds like you two need to sit down and have a serious discussion about it. It's really not okay for him to treat you like that.

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    "Two adults live here, so why is one adult doing all the housework?"

    "Your wife would like to swap roles with you... can you stay home look after the kids and the house, work evenings, do the housework.... and I go to work, 40 hours a week and refuse to put laundry away?"


    LOVE ITTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!! will be remembering these for future days ... (just to have in my back pocket!!)

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    its such a shame to STILL see this attitude in society, its rife...ie men work and women should do everything else..women still do 80% of the housework even when they work as much as men the studies say..its appalling. there are exceptions i know but...... i used to get the same reaction from my partner....i can u right now that if the roles / jobs were reveresed your H would be b begging (and expecting u) to come home from your 40 hr a week job and do the dishes and the laundry etc).....its all good and well to say dont do his stuff but ultimately its an attitude problem on his behalf and i think a serious discussion about how unfair it is and your point of view is needed.....i had to point out that looking after a child was in itself a full time job...that didnt include doing all the housework...all i can advise is keep pointing out your point of view.........happy wife happy life etc.

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    OJandMe is offline I am the strength my children will have.
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    Or we had one at our uni flat hanging over the sink... that quite eloquently said "no slaves here, wash your own F**n dishes"..

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