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  1. #21
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by tr1na View Post
    Maybe I am too strict, but my father had the same rules, and its hard for me to see any different when I think they are fair. Its not that I am not flexible... I am. We are free Friday at 5pm to sunday at 5pm... How is that not being reasonable?
    I understand your frustration - been given ONE time frame is awkward, I am also quite strict with the bedtim routine and sleep especially with both DH and I working fulltime we need to be on top of everything. But, for us, there are exceptions. It took DH and I awhile to agree to those exceptions! A random dinner for the sake of it, not so much, a planned dinner then yeah. We are at my parents with my brother and family every Wed night, where DS goes to bed an hour later (8pm) and on a Sunday night generally we have something and he goes to bed a bit later. It means the next arvo hes a little crankier and goes to bed earlier. It hasnt taken him long to get into the swing of things.

    As your quote above states, I too think the way I was brought up was fair and the RIGHT way. DH thinks the same about his up bringing. We've learnt to compromise!

    Is the timeframe they gave you workable if you gave them the breakdown, ie:
    Be here at 5pm (or whatever time is suitable), yuo can help bathe & put DD to bed, or bedtime story or whatever it maybe, DD goes to bed at ??? time, and wont sleep with people over so could you maybe gone by ??? time.

    *also could you try and get DD used to lseepign with ppl over, that way they could stay after DD has gone to bed for dinner, or a catch up?
    Last edited by Uh-Oh; 02-04-2012 at 12:27.

  2. #22
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Central west NSW
    I think some of these comments are abit harsh on you. They are only giving you one time frame your giving them options. Sonetimes being a parent means you have to get abit strict but if tgey are always working ect you need to comprimise a little so they can spend time with her even if its once a month late bedtime iykwim

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  3. #23
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I think maybe you are being a bit too strict but you are the mum so you have every right to do what you think is best, after all it's you who has to deal with any overtired tantrums at the end of the night.

    In saying that though, perhaps you could just once give in to them for a Sunday night. Let them hang around to see how hard it is to put her to sleep after a long day. Dd will be fine, one night of a little less sleep won't hurt her.

    Then next time they ask for a Sunday night visit, you can say no, last time was a Sunday, this time it's a Saturday or nothing. They have to be willing to compromise too. Not just you.

    My ds1 doesn't sleep till guests leave but honestly it's once a month that he is up late. It used to bother me but now I let it slide.

  4. #24
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Give her a break - some of the comments here are way over the top. Can I ask what your IL's do all weekend that they can't see their grand daughter to the very end of every weekend? I get it. Sunday evenings are hard, getting ready for work, school etc. Is everyone that is b!tching at the OP have school aged/child in daycare children and both parents work??

    I would want the grand parents to have a very good reason to only have such a small window of time that they wish to spend with their grand daughter.

  5. #25
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Central Coast, NSW
    Personally when you start your own family there has to be an understanding that you are going to put them first. When we had our son, we told family that we would like to start a few little traditions of our own and everyone has been fine with it. (but if they did have an issue with it - they certainly haven't vocalised it to us and it would be their issue to have ownership of - not ours)

    When it comes to the big holidays - whether you are religious or not - a lot of people I have heard is 'when I have kids - it will be about OUR family - the extended being aunts, uncles, grandparents are welcome to join but we won't be making the kids get up unwrap new presents and then put them in the car for an hours drive to go to the other person's place'. I know that is not the case here as you don't celebrate anything religious - but how is that any different??

    My MIL lives next door and has a very poor relationship with both her grandsons (my husband and has absolutely nothing to do with her other son's son) - so to say 'they are family' doesn't mean because you are related you have to have a relationship.

    Granted though - it's both you and your husband that have set these foundation for your family and you both obviously have seen how it works when it's disrupted. Understandably people have their comments about being strict or not fair but we don't have to live in your shoes. I don't like my son being out after dark but if it had to happen - it had to happen and I hope I'm not putting the words in your mouth but I'm sure you would too. I can totally understand a hiccup here and there and I do like the idea of a compromise even if it's one Sunday night a month just to see - she might surprise you.

    How would it be any different if the OP was saying 'we have sport this night, music this night, then study group this night, then this and that on this night and the only night we have free is Friday night? ... you and your family have commitments and just because they are not out and about things, you obviously have a solid routine that works for YOU - others have to slot around. If for whatever reason your IL's are saying Sunday night is the only night free - it's the only night they have free that doesn't work for you.

    Have your IL's said anything direct to you or hubby about it?


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