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  1. #11
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    I lived next door to my MIL for 6 weeks and that was too close for too long! DH and I love our privacy. I don't blame you at all for feeling how you do. I hope you can find another alternative!

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    Have you got other options. ??
    I wouldn't want to live with a new baby in a dirty house and to be honest the only thing I can say about moving in with mil is DONT DO IT!!
    We live with the in laws and mil and I have just had a fight and aren't talking all to do with the kids!!
    We are trying desperately to get our own place with no rental history and partner without a job ATM its proving to be hard

  3. #13
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    I would hate to live with my MIL too. Not ideal at all. But sometimes you have to do whatever you need to to survive.

    Currently your options are live in dirty share house or live with MIL. If you are deadset against those choices then you need to come up with a third.

    Apply for any jobs you can. My best friend was jobless when she fell pregnant. She's been taking temp jobs for extra money. Gives her references, money and confidence and possible permanent opportunities after the baby arrives.

    I also don't understand why if you live with MIL it must be for two years. i'd try to arrange a compromise. If you simply must live with her out of necessity then I would agree on the understanding that you both work towards independence (looking for own place, own jobs) and that you leave as soon as reasonable.

    Sometimes the best solution takes time to organise.

    If it was me - I'd start signing up to temp agencies immediately, as well as putting in applications with woolies, Coles, Target, govt admin entry level jobs and encourage my partner to do the same. Until something came up, I'd volunteer in offices, lifeline stores, anywhere I could, to get references, show work history and make contacts. It looks good on a resume. I would do anything I could to try make that third option of independence become a reality. I know it can be tough when you're pregnant, but if you really want to avoid the MIL solution then you need to do whatever you can to make a viable alternative.

    Good luck.

  4. The Following User Says Thank You to MissMuppet For This Useful Post:

    NutsyK  (29-03-2012)

  5. #14
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    That sounds like a really tough position to be in. We live with my ILs and when I was emotional and pregnant I really hated it. Since our DD was born nearly 16 months ago it has been the most wonderful thing being able to share the load with them and for our DD to have such a close relationship with her grandparents. If I need to have a shower or hang out washing I can leave her with them and if we want a date night I know that she's with people she feels totally safe with. For me, I find that having my MIL around doesn't sabotage my relationship with my DD at all and only makes me feel supported so that I can be the mother I want to be. It's also put us in a great financial position which means I don't have to work and can be a SAHM with my DD without feeling guilty. They love having us here and we do all the cooking so I feel like we're not a burden as well
    Of course, you may not get along with your MIL like that and I can't offer you any advice except to be really open with your DP about your fears and concerns. Just wanted to give another perspective - living with my MIL has been great for our relationship and I'm so grateful to have had this opportunity.
    I really hope that you can find a solution that works for you. Being pregnant made me feel really vulnerable so I can imagine how stressed this is making you

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    rollercoaster2012  (29-03-2012)

  7. #15
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    I refused to live with my inlaws. DF has suggested it several times. He can rant and rave and not understand my issue, but I know our relationship would not last long in that environment. I would resent him making me be there, I would struggle his mother and probably hate his father (mil is annoying, FIL is a chauvinist with zero respect for women and no respect for me as a mother - not in an aggressive way, just in a totally disregard me - least MIL bickers and occasionally shrieks at me about how I parent, FIL just calmly thinks he can overrule me without discussion )

    So no. I've refused. And I've laid on the table I'd rather just separate than go through that mess first. Not as an ultimatum. But, as 'you can, but I never will' I would rather 'date' the father of my children from separate homes than live with my inlaws.

    Fortunately it's never come to that. And now it probably never would (being a family of 4 now we can hardly just crash on their couch!)

  8. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bubbles10 View Post

    YOu are only 3 months pregnant, it is definately possible to get a job at this time, even if the job is not one that you would normally get. Think outside the square when looking for work. I had just finished studying when i found out i was pregnant and didn't feel comfortable applying for jobs in my chosen career when i would only be there for a few months. I wrote up my CV and dropped it into a number of businesses stating that i was interested in part-time, casual, or project work and was offered 3 interviews from just 10 drops. I got work at a really nice place and returned there between my 2 babies. It worked for both of us, they got some of their project work finished and i got cash!
    I am looking for work, I am applying to absolutely anything I can find.
    Gettng a job also depends on where you live, I do not live in a big city which has made it difficult for me to get employment.

  9. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by MumDadBoyandGirl View Post

    I know exactly where you are coming from, trouble is I'm living it out now at 7 months pg.
    So sorry you are going through this


    Quote Originally Posted by becandabub View Post
    Could you put it back on your DP & ask how he'd feel living with your family?
    I did, he said "well if its for the sake of owning a house I would make an effort. I am not as selfish and self centred as you are I am not trying to be selfish or self centered I am depressed and living with my MIL would be yet another thing that will cause even more stress in my life.

    Quote Originally Posted by deville View Post
    have you looked at other accommodation? Or is your partner not willing to look at any other options?
    we looked into renting until he lost his job. If he finds another job soon we might continue applying to rent. I would consider any type of accomodation, he's the one that is being more selective.

    Quote Originally Posted by NutsyK View Post

    If it's that bad, can you look at government housing or is that not an option? I know how you feel.. I could never live with my mother she'd drive me up the wall...

    Could you live there just for a couple of months until your partner got a new job and you could save up a bond and maybe get a place of your own?? I don't think you'd want to be sharing a house with other people once you have the baby.
    I do not know how to even begin looking for government housing, but yes I would consider that. I'll consider anything.
    He wouldn't live there for a few months, he wants to live there to save enough money to buy a house. Honestly thats going to take a pretty long time considering we do not have much money saved at the moment , plus the expense of having a child.
    He said he would stay there at least two years to have enough money and it was pointless to rent, he isn't going to get another chance at getting free rent and no bills so he'll use that chance to buy a house and not to rent.
    He does not understand at all how difficult it might be for me to live with my MIL.. the house is the only thing he is worried about.

    Quote Originally Posted by MissMuppet View Post


    Currently your options are live in dirty share house or live with MIL. If you are deadset against those choices then you need to come up with a third.

    Apply for any jobs you can. My best friend was jobless when she fell pregnant. She's been taking temp jobs for extra money. Gives her references, money and confidence and possible permanent opportunities after the baby arrives.

    I also don't understand why if you live with MIL it must be for two years. i'd try to arrange a compromise. If you simply must live with her out of necessity then I would agree on the understanding that you both work towards independence (looking for own place, own jobs) and that you leave as soon as reasonable.

    Sometimes the best solution takes time to organise.

    If it was me - I'd start signing up to temp agencies immediately, as well as putting in applications with woolies, Coles, Target, govt admin entry level jobs and encourage my partner to do the same. Until something came up, I'd volunteer in offices, lifeline stores, anywhere I could, to get references, show work history and make contacts. It looks good on a resume. I would do anything I could to try make that third option of independence become a reality. I know it can be tough when you're pregnant, but if you really want to avoid the MIL solution then you need to do whatever you can to make a viable alternative.

    Good luck.
    I've been looking for work for the past 5 months with no luck. I've signed up to temp agencies, I've called numerous places, I've handed out my resume in shopping centres. I am not getting hired and i do not understand why. This is the first time i've gone through such a long period of unemployment.
    Unemployment is a bit of a touchy subject for me.. sorry...

    He wants us to live there for 2 years because he is dead set on saving enough money to buy a decent house. Its absurd. So basically I will have to live with my MIL, in an isolated area, going crazy.. just to buy a house.
    I'ld rather not have a house. I'ld rather rent! He doesn't get it.



    Quote Originally Posted by wrena View Post
    That sounds like a really tough position to be in. We live with my ILs and when I was emotional and pregnant I really hated it. Since our DD was born nearly 16 months ago it has been the most wonderful thing being able to share the load with them and for our DD to have such a close relationship with her grandparents. If I need to have a shower or hang out washing I can leave her with them and if we want a date night I know that she's with people she feels totally safe with. For me, I find that having my MIL around doesn't sabotage my relationship with my DD at all and only makes me feel supported so that I can be the mother I want to be. It's also put us in a great financial position which means I don't have to work and can be a SAHM with my DD without feeling guilty. They love having us here and we do all the cooking so I feel like we're not a burden as well
    Of course, you may not get along with your MIL like that and I can't offer you any advice except to be really open with your DP about your fears and concerns. Just wanted to give another perspective - living with my MIL has been great for our relationship and I'm so grateful to have had this opportunity.
    I really hope that you can find a solution that works for you. Being pregnant made me feel really vulnerable so I can imagine how stressed this is making you
    thank you, wish things were like this for me.

    Quote Originally Posted by Boobycino View Post

    So no. I've refused. And I've laid on the table I'd rather just separate than go through that mess first. Not as an ultimatum. But, as 'you can, but I never will' I would rather 'date' the father of my children from separate homes than live with my inlaws.
    thats pretty much what I've been telling him. "You can go live with your mum and dad if you want but I am not going with you!".
    __________________________________________

    I've probably missed tons of replies, I do appreciate each and every person that took the time to reply to this thread. Thank you so much for your support and advice.

  10. #18
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    i could also never live with my inlaws again, or my family for that matter!
    i love my own privacy and personal space

  11. #19
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    My Mil lives 10 houses down the road from me. While I don't "actually" live with her - it's not far off.... Sucks (huff and puff here)

  12. #20
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    Oh no rollercoaster this is my worst nightmare. I know EXACTLY how you feel. My mil stayed with us for 3 weeks after bub was born and this was BAD enough 2 years would have put me in an institute.
    It's your first bub and you want to do it on your own I get that because that's how I was/am. Not everyone is the same. As a pp said the only way out of this pickle is to come up with a better option. Gosh I pray for you because it is so horrible having to go against your own grain. I am so sorry you have to go through this. I would be a mess.


 

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