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  1. #31
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    Probably happens a lot shelle, this is why the laws are set up so women have the authority over their own bodies. Sadly, it sounds like there's not enough counselling to ensure that this is what women REALLY want or whether they are going through it to keep the peace with others

    I actually do think that threatening to leave someone or make their life hell if they don't have a termination is actually really abusive and irresponsible It shouldn't be coerced, it's not a minor thing.

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  3. #32
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    Adding: Pru, going by her recollection of events I'm still going to conclude that he's not a gentleman. Saying this is "her fault that the relationship is ending" and that she's "ruined everything" is nothing short of emotional abuse and trying to guilt her into having a termination.

    I don't think he's been nice about it at all for someone who knowingly went to bed with a woman of child bearing age without contraception.

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  5. #33
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    I'm so sorry for what you're going through xxx

    But...

    Congratulating you on a baby you never thought you'd have!!

    Yay!!

    Not ideal circumstances but a baby for you none the less :-)

    This little soul was meant for you, don't be pressured into making a decision that you don't feel comfortable with. This is his lesson to learn also-he chose to have sex with you..he chose to not use contraception. That's what happens.

    He us being childish. Probably because he's frightened.

    Look after yourself and your baby and take it one day at a time.

    As for this guy..take him or leave him on your own terms but he can't pressure you. Xxx

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  7. #34
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    Hey Benji. Isn't it better to cut him some slack because he now has no control over the situation and so is probably desperate and distressed as well as foolish? He can make as much noise as he likes, he can threaten, he can beg and he can believe it's the end of the world, but his contribution is now irrelevant. (Unless he regains his dignity and gets over how he thought fatherhood was going to be.) I don't want to judge him for acting like a **** in the face of that. It sounds harsh - I realise this - however isn't it better to put the situation in perspective ASAP, empower the mum-to-be and to really let her know that she's in charge and her focus will now be firmly be on her health and preparing for the baby's arrival? What's a 7 week relationship with a fool in comparison to what she is about to experience - not much. Be practical and joyful.

  8. #35
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    First of all - no matter what, the baby that you're carrying is YOURS op!!!!

    Pru40 - while you are correct that he does not have the right to tell the OP that she has to terminate cos she's destroying a 7wk relationship, I didn't see in the OP's post that she is forcing him to take any kind of fatherhood role.

    Only he (fob) will make the choice if he wants to be part of this child's life. Paying CS for example doesn't make someone a father - it just proves that he is acknowledging his role in the child's procreation....

    OP - good luck on whatever path you choose. Both will have its hard times. Been there, done that, got a wonderful 5yr old to prove it.

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    I apologise for being so blunt, but it seems hes making you choose, him or baby. Him who can leave at any time, even if you aborted, him who can mess around with anyone at any time, him who seems to not care about feelings. Or baby, who will love you forever. Baby who will always be there for you and you for it. Baby who will make it feel like your life has no other meaning except love.
    Choose what YOU want, not what anyone else wants

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  11. #37
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    Are you serious? The fatherhood role is implicit. When a baby is born so is a mother and a father whether they like it or not. They can choose whether to be good or bad or absent at the job, but they cannot make believe that that child does not exist or that the child doesn't want to be known and loved by each of them. What's with all this denial?? I don't get it.

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    Ohh Pru, I can assure you that men can indeed make believe that thier offspring do not exist. I have pretty much disowned my 'father' for this reason. He was a bit rubbish.

    Now back onto topic: OP, if you were to terminate do you honestly think your relationship would survive long term anyway? After feeling pressured into doing something that you dont want to do. Something that will change your life. I feel that there is great potential for alot of resentment to grow towards him which would kill your relationship in time. And then you have wasted all that time living with huge regrets.

    If you truly want your baby, then have it and tell him that next time he wants to have sex without procreating, he better take some precautions because you certainly didnt impregnate yourself.

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  15. #39
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    You haven't ruined the relationship, he has. He has got you pg, not used a condom and is now playing the victim. I understand finding out you are going to be a parent is a life changing event. But he sounds immature and selfish. You've said you want to keep the baby - if it were me, if he didn't get with the programme it would be bye bye. Contrary to what he seems to think, this is his doing too. He could of used protection but didn't. Sorry but I have little sympathy for him, and lots to you that this happy time is being spoilt.

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  17. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pru40 View Post
    Are you serious? The fatherhood role is implicit. When a baby is born so is a mother and a father whether they like it or not. They can choose whether to be good or bad or absent at the job, but they cannot make believe that that child does not exist or that the child doesn't want to be known and loved by each of them. What's with all this denial?? I don't get it.
    My daughter turns 9 soon. Her father plays no role in her life. He does not parent her in any way. Many, many, many others are the same. They abandon their babies, often even before birth, and never look back.

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