I'm 20 and I have a gorgeous 3 month old DS and an amazing DF but everything still feels like it's falling apart.
It started about a week or two after my birth when I started feeling a little resentful towards my DS and wasn't able to feel a connection with him either. Within two weeks of this happening, feelings started to get worse. I felt like I was in a very deep, black hole and I just couldn't get out. Suicide was a regular part of my thoughts at this time. I struggled with day-to-day things and was only barely able to cope with the baby as my DF took a month off work to stay at home with us. I was extremely irritable and I raged quite often. My temper was very bad at this point.
I felt like I was suffering in every way. Felt insecure about how I looked, the feelings I had towards people I may have disliked heightened to an irrational point, I was frequently very angry, I wasn't me anymore. I was this monster.
Things started to get worse so I made DF to force some help down my throat. Cut the story short, I am having weekly sessions with a psychologist and things have gotten a little better but things still aren't looking up. 3 months have passed and my DF has dealt with so much from me that he's gotten to the point where he can't see any improvement because he doesn't think it's possible after what I've put him through.
So now my relationship is very tense and on the rocks, I am so lost and I'm scared and I don't know what to do anymore.
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