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  1. #161
    Zombie_eyes's Avatar
    Zombie_eyes is offline Formerly Diamondeyes
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    I kinda chose to be straight i guess. Im attracted to both, but i fell in love with dh and chose him to be with forever.

  2. #162
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    Mod-pegasus is offline ADMINISTRATOR
    and all that the Lorax left here in this mess was a small pile of rocks with the one word...UNLESS
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    What about experimentation?

    I'm not sure whether change in generations has made experimentation more "normalised" so nobody seems to raise eyebrows at the idea of girls trying stuff with girls and boys trying stuff with boys (or for homosexual people - trying stuff with people of the opposite sex), but to me, experimentation sounds like - "try before you buy"

    I never even thought of experimenting with someone of the same sex "just to see if it felt different or right for me", so I didn't and don't.

    But what's got me thinking is do more people "experiment" than say 20years ago (yes, my age is in my signature), and so may realise that they have more of a tendency to prefer people of the same sex, or does experimentation not have any bearing on where you end up sexually?

  3. #163
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    I dont really identify with any form of sexuality, though have only been in hetrosexual relationships.

    Personally, I am fed up with men (as partners) and think they turn out to be more trouble than they are worth.

    However, typical sexual acts that are enjoyed by two woman are something I personally dislike. Therefore I feel that it wouldn't be fair of me to get involved in a sexual relationship with a woman because certain [almost expected] acts would be out-of-bounds as far as I am concerned. I do however feel that for a romantic relationship, a woman seems more desireable than a man.

    Therefore, I stay single. I will not say asexual, as I do definately have sexual urges.

    -----------------------

    As for my sexual/relationship history.

    At 11yo I really admired a girl and was certain that I loved her. (I never said anything about my feelings to her or anyone else. And my family decided to leave the country so we lost contact.) At the time I had questioned myself, did that mean I was gay? But afterwards I didn't think about it much at all.

    At school, I never really got on with girls, and any friends I had were boys. Girls at school would also swoon over celebrities, like Johhny Depp, but I did not see any appeal at all.

    Growing up I was always worried about finding a man, getting married, and having a family. A family was the most important thing to me, but what if no-one wanted to marry me. I wished I lived in a society with arranged marriages so I didn't have to worry about finding someone to marry.

    As a teen, a boy at school asked me to be his boyfriend. I said yes, and then we didn't talk to eachother for six months until the rumour was going around school that he was seeing someone else.

    Then an older boy at a hobby I attended asked me out. I was very naive and started a relationship with him. This did progress into sex, some of which I enjoyed, but I never felt any sexual attraction to anyone. The relationship turned sour but he kept ahold of me by threatening suicide if I left him.

    Finally, as an older teen, I escaped that relationship and got involved with an older man with an immature heart. About nine months into that relationship, we went to a live performance of Jesus Christ Superstar and that is the first time I had felt sexual attraction for someone (the young man playing Judas). This came as quite a shock to me, as these feelings were something I had never felt before. This relationship lasted for nearly a year total, and was what I needed at the time to recover from the emotional damage of the prior relationship. However, at that point, I accepted that he was too immature for me, and we parted, as friends.

    After this, I decided that I wasn't interested in a relationship for at least three months, and would concentrate on fostering friendships. There was a man that I had previously been attracted to as a friend at a hobby I had attended. When there, I would always try and get to sit next to him, and we spent plenty of time talking together. I hadn't seen him for four years, so rang him up and invited him out for a coffee to catch up. We spent the day together, including walking through the botanical gardens where we were set up by mosquitoes. He gently swatted mosquitoes that had landed me, and I found myself really wanting physical contact with him. So when we parted at the end of the day, I shook hands with him (really confusing him apparently). He rang me again and asked me on a date. We went out a few times and got together. After about a month, he managed to get me in the mood and I shut down completely, unprepared for those feelings. About a week later we started a sexual relationship. Two months later, I found him physically attractive for the first time.

    We married and had children, and I endured a bad relationship for ten years before finally leaving. I was determined that I didn't want a man, and had no interest in any other relationship.

    However, after an extended period of celibacy, I discovered that sex began to cloud my every thought. At first it was a hypothetical, I would like to have sex feeling. Then as time went on, I started to see good looking men and think, "that would be nice". More time went past and my net seemed to widen as more and more people (both men and women) began to fit the bill.

    I was not one to make a move, and never said anything to anyone, but I started to perve on nearly every stranger I met (or saw on TV). People I knew however, were out-of-bounds for my fantasising.

    At that point I decided to learn how to masturbate as it was obviously a necessity.

    PS: I had only thought it was guys that perved on girls (on TV or in RL). And I had never done so prior to 30yo when extended celibacy started clouding my judgement.
    Last edited by sweetseven; 26-03-2012 at 17:46.

  4. #164
    rainbow road's Avatar
    rainbow road is offline look at the stars, look how they shine for you
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    Quote Originally Posted by pegasus View Post
    What about experimentation?

    I'm not sure whether change in generations has made experimentation more "normalised" so nobody seems to raise eyebrows at the idea of girls trying stuff with girls and boys trying stuff with boys (or for homosexual people - trying stuff with people of the opposite sex), but to me, experimentation sounds like - "try before you buy"

    I never even thought of experimenting with someone of the same sex "just to see if it felt different or right for me", so I didn't and don't.

    But what's got me thinking is do more people "experiment" than say 20years ago (yes, my age is in my signature), and so may realise that they have more of a tendency to prefer people of the same sex, or does experimentation not have any bearing on where you end up sexually?
    I think experimentation is just a natural part of growing up. I think sexuality is more deep-set than hooking up with another girl at a party and deciding you're a lesbian (although I'm sure that's how it's happened for some).

    My experimentation was purely because that's what I thought I was meant to do - go out with boys. The first girl I ever kissed or did anything remotely sexual with was DP - it was electric.

    However, with hindsight, I can see now that I was always attracted to women over men, emotionally at least. The physical attraction came later.

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  6. #165
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    lambjam is offline Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!
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    Quote Originally Posted by rainbow road View Post
    Lambjam, I believe asexuality is an 'orientation' more than a 'lack of orientation'.
    Like how I classify atheism as a belief system of its own rather than the lack of any belief system?

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ana Gram View Post
    That's ok, wouldn't have mentioned it if I wasn't happy talking about it. For myself, I have no sexual attraction to either sex. But that doesn't mean I couldn't have a romantic relationship, just one without sex. So asexuals don't quite fit at all.
    Have you always felt like this? Were past relationships at a time you didn't feel that way or more bowing to societal pressure that you needed to be attracted to someone?

  8. #167
    rainbow road's Avatar
    rainbow road is offline look at the stars, look how they shine for you
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    Quote Originally Posted by lambjam View Post
    Like how I classify atheism as a belief system of its own rather than the lack of any belief system?
    Exactly

  9. #168
    Ana Gram's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by delirium View Post
    Have you always felt like this? Were past relationships at a time you didn't feel that way or more bowing to societal pressure that you needed to be attracted to someone?
    I've had a lot of relationships and I can say with confidence that only one of them was because I actually wanted to be. The rest were due to societal pressure and it was effing awful.

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    I have a 'type' that I'm attracted to that I don't usually sway from. I normally go for the sensitive male types who have quite a strong feminine side. I really am not attracted to the dominant male type, as a generalization the loud, aggressive, competitive, strong, unemotional, loves hunting, trucks etc etc.

    I am also very much on the feminine side as far as my own gender, a girls girl you could say. I often wish I could be a little tougher, a little more of a tomboy, the spunky ballsy chick that is idolized in movies etc but I just can't change who I am.

    To me gender is a scale and considering some people are born with both sex organs or ambiguous gender, I believe this to be true. So I see it as quite possible and natural that someone could be bisexual, they perhaps have a 'type' that is not limited to a particular set of sex organs.

    And to answer the question, no I didn't choose to be straight

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    When did you choose to be straight? How old were you? What made you choose heterosexuality? Why didn't you consider being gay instead?

    See how ridiculous this notion is?
    I was 15. I was madly in love with her and everything then made sense. I had the option to continue a life with her but I chose heterosexuality because I stood by some life choices I had made. While I did consider the gay angle, I didn't see myself in that lifestyle and spent a few years on my own working that out.

    I'm not sure why anyone would think that this notion is ridiculous other than their arrogance and/or ignorance demands that such a notion be immovable as concrete. Life's not always like that. Lots of people make such choices throughout their lives - either from gay to straight or in the reverse.

    You need to get out more luv

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