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  1. #1
    TimTamsandTea's Avatar
    TimTamsandTea is offline ...if only all relationships were so perfectly sweet!
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    Default Do you plan on helping your children raise their children?

    So based on the assumption that your children go on to raise children of their own, do you imagine helping them do so? If you do, do you have limits on that help?

    I ask only because I was chatting to a few friends tonight, many of whom have returned to careers and did so shortly after the birth of their children. Each of them returned to work (and play) thanks to the support of their parents or inlaws. That support varies from five days a week plus evenings to one day a week plus every other weekend, and every other arrangement in between.

    You can summise that I have friends who are most fortunate to have been blessed with such generous and supportive parents and inlaws.

    So I was a little surprised when a few of these friends indicated that even though they receive an incredible amount of support, they did not think they would do the same for their children. I found this really interesting.

    They rely so heavily on 'the village' to help raise their children and pursue many personal and professional dreams, yet they are not interested in becoming part of that village if and when their children wish to do the same.


    What are your thoughts on the issue?
    Last edited by TimTamsandTea; 25-03-2012 at 23:29. Reason: spelling

  2. #2
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    Gosh my DS is only 17 months but DH is already teasing me that I will be the interfering MIL as I will want to look after his babies all the time!

    My mum ( and dad) are very much involved with my son ( as we were with our grandparents) mum watches him any time I need to go to work and always offers to mind him
    So we can go out! it was pretty much implied from day one he would never be in day care , I am extremely lucky!

    DH parents are really good grandparents but never offer to mind any of their grandchildren and all his sisters kids are in day care ( DH said it was the same with his grandparents) so I suppose it relates to how your we're raised ?

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    Depending on my own situation at the time, I would. My MIL has DS one day a week, saving me a days worth of child care. In return, it's a nice way for her to hang out with him one on one.

    I really appreciate having her help so I think I would pay it forward :-)

  4. #4
    headoverfeet's Avatar
    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    I am someone that doesn't have family support for one reason or another. I fully intend on supporting my children if they want my support. I don't think anyone should feel obliged nor do I think people should assume they will get it I sure didn't see my parents not being able to support me coming.

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    Further to what I said - DS is MIL's only grand child, whereas my mum has 3 now (all born within 4 months of each other) so I totally understand my mum not offering her services. Not that I expect any help anyway :-)

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    I would be lost without my mum!! And my whole extended family for that matter! We have no contact with DD dads family or him for that matter. When my babies have babies I would offer my help if they needed it and would expect my share of granma time

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    If i can yes i will but it will also depend on how i am at that age with regards to work, health, if i am living near him or not. I will try and help aa much as i can without being too overbearing.

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    BabushkaMumma's Avatar
    BabushkaMumma is offline Mothering with my whole heart as thats what my girls have given me.
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    If I was asked, I would try and make arrangements to provide the best support I can.

    My mother does this for me now and I am so grateful to have that support.

    I would also love the chance to do the same for my grand kids.

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    Yes i would absolutely & unequivocally help as much as i could but try not to interfere. Grandparents dont realise just how much they are missing out on by avoiding helping. (my mother). I cant wait to be a grandparent!

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    I see SOOOOOOOO many grandparents out and about with their grandchildren in prams etc, that obviously look after them while their parent's work. I have to admit that I feel a sense of jealousy when I see them because I get no help from anyone.
    I have boys and I think that often it's the mother's family that help more. I would offer my help rather than wait to be asked for it, as I think a lot of the time Daughters-in-law are more likely to feel comfortable asking their mum for help than their MIL. That said, I think I could be quite old by the time my sons have kids as I had them at 37 and 39 and I might not be much help!

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