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  1. #1
    3'llhavetodo's Avatar
    3'llhavetodo is offline Before we as mothers can look after our loved ones we must first look after ourselves
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    Default Any advice at all *possible trigger warning*

    I went to thiNG demo thing today and the hostess' son had cuts all up his arms. I didn't ask but assumed... then the hostess later spewed her gutts .....She told me he cuts himself as a bit of a release; as a bit of an adreneline boost.
    He seems to be a bit of a scene (apparently a happier version of an emo....??) kid so with the little bit I have had to do with him my gutt tells me it's more of a keeping up with the crew thing than a sincere act of desperation.
    I have absolutely no experience with the whole cutting thing, his Mum is SO worried (understandably) and I really want to be able to say to her I really think this just a fad, a horrible, potentially dangerous one but it's more about doing what everyone else is doing.....

    ANY advice from anyone who has been there or known someone who has ould be greatly appreciated

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    My mother took me to see a counsellor when I put burn marks on my arm with an asthma puffer. Nothing remotely like self harm or anything (but I guess my mum felt it was) but perhaps you can suggest he see a psychiatrist. Maybe the mother can seek help through a psychiatrist first so that she can try help him, coz unless he wants help he probably won't get help.

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    ***Possible Trigger Warning***



    I was a cutter for over 10 years, I still have the urge to do it sometimes.
    Emo's have made it trendy to do these days so it may well be that he is just doing it to keep with the 'in' crowd.
    However, if she knows he is doing it as a form of release this suggests to me that he has some issues he needs to talk about.
    I started doing it when I was a teen...I felt so angry and confused, hurt and numb all at the same time. I felt like a freak, like no one else thought the things I did. I hurt all the time, the pain inside never went away. I would bury my head into my pillows and try to scream and cry the pain away. It hurt to the core of me. I just wanted to die, all the time. I could act so normal around people, could spend hours talking and being 'normal', then id go to my room, lock the door and cut my arms to pieces. It was the only way to stop the pain for a short while. As I saw the blood flow out of me, I felt the pain slip away, the tightness in my chest went away and I could breathe easy again, I could take deep breaths and feel the air being sucked into my lungs and it felt so good.The pain was numbed.
    I would clean all the blood up, dry my eyes and ask God, as I always did, when he was going to take me away from this world.
    No one really asked me what was wrong with me, though I did confess to mum one time about my cutting...she just looked at me, we sat on the bed for a few minutes and then she got up and left, and not another word was ever spoken about it.

    I wanted her to ask me what was wrong, I wanted so badly to show her my diary, to scream and cry at her, to tell her I hurt and I dont know why but I need help. But I think even if she had asked me why I did it, id have probably mumbled something like ' I dont know'....because that's what teenagers do right....


    I think she needs to assess how badly he is doing it, is it just shallow cuts to make scars, minimal depth, how often is he doing it and does he usually try to hide it, I mean really hide it, not just letting his sleeve ride up a little at the dinner table and then quickly pulling it down.The fact that you saw them at this demo suggests to me that he wanted people to see them.
    Either way she needs to sit him down and ask him if he wants to talk to someone, it doesnt have to be her or his dad, it could be a friend or a psychologist..
    IMO,I think he does get a release from it,and im sure he thinks its cool, but allowing people to see his scars could be a cry for help....
    He needs to talk to someone though, no 'rational' person takes a knife to themselves to be cool...there has to be more to it.

    It may be the first few times someone asks him why he does it he shrugs and dismisses it as no big deal, she needs someone to push him, to keep talking to him, to let him know there is someone there when he is ready to talk...
    Last edited by GothChick; 25-03-2012 at 09:39.

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    3'llhavetodo  (25-03-2012),ABigDeepBreath  (25-03-2012),happykat  (25-03-2012),Izzys Dragon  (25-03-2012),LoveLivesHere  (25-03-2012),Seacretsquirrel  (25-03-2012),tormyxxx  (25-03-2012)

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    What an incredibly strong and insightful post, Gothchick. Thank you for having the courage to share that! There is a sad lack of understanding in the community about self injury, and I hope a lot of people get to read your post and be enlightened by it. I want acknowledge the amazingness your recovery too, btw. I know people who struggle with SI and know what a long, difficult journey it can be.

    3'llhavetodo, I agree with Gothchick's suggestions. It's important that this behaviour is taken seriously, and the best way to do this is to get this young man some help from a professional, eg a psychologist or psychiatrist. Your friend can start by taking him to see their GP for a referral.

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    3'llhavetodo, it might be good to put a trigger warning in the title of your thread.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ABigDeepBreath View Post
    What an incredibly strong and insightful post, Gothchick. Thank you for having the courage to share that! There is a sad lack of understanding in the community about self injury, and I hope a lot of people get to read your post and be enlightened by it. I want acknowledge the amazingness your recovery too, btw. I know people who struggle with SI and know what a long, difficult journey it can be.

    3'llhavetodo, I agree with Gothchick's suggestions. It's important that this behaviour is taken seriously, and the best way to do this is to get this young man some help from a professional, eg a psychologist or psychiatrist. Your friend can start by taking him to see their GP for a referral.
    Thank you It absolutely is a struggle. I think the main thing that people need to realise about self harm is that even if you think someone is 'just doing it for attention'...that is no reason to dismiss it as just a stage they are going through. No one self harms just for attention, there are always underlying reasons, WHY do they feel the need to harm themselves like this for attention...?

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  10. #7
    3'llhavetodo's Avatar
    3'llhavetodo is offline Before we as mothers can look after our loved ones we must first look after ourselves
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    Quote Originally Posted by ABigDeepBreath View Post
    3'llhavetodo, it might be good to put a trigger warning in the title of your thread.
    What is that???

    And Thank you SO much for your honest post GothChick. I hope you found some one to talk to and that you are in a better place now. XOXO

    The cuts were only very shallow (some of them wouldn't have even drawn blood), right up one of his arms, both on the inside and a little on the upper arm. He apparently pulled a disposable razor apart and used it. He was wearing a short sleeve T-shirt so it was like it was more of a statement than a cry for help. My friend has talked to him a lot and he has seen a councellor at the last school he was at but not too sure if he's still seeing anyone.

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    Hi,
    Not sure where you are but you may like to offer your friend the numbers for Headspace and Parentline. These places do online and over the phone 'counselling' which may be helpful and the boy can remain anonymous-mum can get some more info there too.

    While cutting can be a coping strategy for emotional pain it's important to note that sometimes people sustain big or fatal injuries by accident. I think it's also really sad that people are holding so much pain that they use cutting as a coping strategy. It would be great if this boy got some support. It may turn out to be a fad but its better to check.

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    100% agree with you GothChick & WishingOnAStar. Personally, it was a mix of needing relief from anxiety & wanting to hurt myself because I hated myself. And it started with just grazing/scraping the skin then moving on to actual cuts that drew blood as grazing/scraping just didn't hurt enough.

    Cutting yourself to be cool is really disturbing & if it is for relief too then there is something driving that need to do it. And that he has taken apart a razor to do it also...so it looks like he has thought about how to do it AND actioned it... The boy really needs to talk to someone about why he is doing it & for help & support to stop. His mum should talk to someone about how to support/deal with it from her end too. I wouldn't dismiss it as a fad.

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    Eta possible trigger warning


    I was a cutter for 6 years,
    At my worst it was several times a day with razor blades and it was deep,
    As I didn't hide the cuts at my worst I was dismissed as trying to 'fit' with my 'emo' look and my friends but it was not that at all, if this boy is cutting there is a very high chance he is not happy at all.

    At my worst I cut for many reasons, feeling numb was the biggest one and the reason I started, I was 14 and felt nothing both physically and emotionally

    At my worst I was incapable of hiding it, I embraced it as a part if me, it was to me just something I did to bring myself back to reality,


    In the end I did it because I needed too, my body screamed for the release that it gave me even now 5 years on my heart races and I feel physically ill and shake when I think about it.

    In the end the school counselor helped me, we never talked about my cutting but she made me feel like I mattered, like she cared about me and what I had to say.

    Sent from my MB526 using BubHub


 

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